Joe sits and thinks is Deeana really going to go through this? He saw last time, that she let him touch her, kiss her but he also saw how nervous she was. It was written all over her, he could tell she wasn't used to this, and it turned him on to know that she wasn't with a lot of men. She was only with one and didn't know much, he could shape her into what he would like, and show her different things. It made him excited in every way. He still just wondered if the good girl in her would stop her, or if she would really just let go the way she wanted to. He just figured they would see.
It also worried him that once she did go through with it, it was now an affair. A real Affair, before it was just a thought, a want, now it would be happening. He just didn't want her to regret it, twenty years with someone was a lot, this would change it for sure.
Joe did know he wanted her and in every way. No matter how bad he tried to stay away he couldn't. He thought of her, missed her, craved her. He thought about every dirty thing he wanted to do with her and it made him crazy. He never thought this would be happening, that they would get this close or want each other this much. He knew he had to be done running away from it and just run towards it. They wasted so many years, it was time they finally had there turn. He just knew there was a lot in the way of getting it, but they both were willing to make it happen.
He saw that no matter how he acted or what he did, she wouldn't let go. She just came back, trying again. This baffled him, there were times he ignored her, and she still held on. He never had anyone love him like this before, and it scared him. He also sees that no one will ever love him like this again, and he would be a fool to let it go. Its something he always wanted to have. A real love, a woman who stood by him at his lowest and at his highest.
He saw that no matter how he pushed her away or tried to sabotage the relationship, she held tight. Joe felt terrible for hurting her, all this time, and he knew he needed to make it up to her and to himself for being so foolish. He promised himself and her he would never do this again. He was hers, and she was his no matter what the future held.
Deeana was just happy to have Joe back, even though his staying away hurt her deeply she wasn't going to let it stand in the way. She knew he was scared and going through a lot of his own demons. At first, she wasn't sure if he wanted her, but when he returned and told her that he did, she told herself no matter what, overthinking she has she wasn't going to give up. Joe said he wanted this, he wouldn't lie to her, he will be back.
She did have to admit his staying away did some damage, she never thought he would do this. Then she just felt, he told her this was him, she just hopes in the future he will let her in more and not keep her away. Deeana also felt it wasn't only his own life, that it had to be scary to get into something like this, he had to make sure. She was sure, she wanted him all this time, and had no intention of letting go. The only time she would is if he told her he didn't want her, and at the moment, he said he did. So here she was.
She was finally getting to see him again, to be with him. To have him to hold and be close to. She dreamed of this the whole time he was away. It is what kept her going. Its what brought smiles to her face, when she was at her lowest. She just knew once she would be with him intimately it would be over for good. There would be no going back. She didn't even think she would want to leave. She was already head over heels in love with him, doing this would make it more intense. She would get to be one with him, she wanted that more than he could ever know. It wasn't about sex, it was about being close. Sharing something so intimate, so special.
Thinking back when she was a teenager and she thought Joe would be her first. How she wanted that, but even though they didn't get to share that, all these years later, they would still get to be together. It made her smile, to know that the boy she loved first, would be the man she loved last.