Deeana also knew that she didn't tell Joe everything that was going on with her while he was gone. When he came back to her, she was so happy to hear from him, and she didn't want to overwhelm him again. Knowing he was going through some things on his own. It scared her if she pushed too much on him at once, he would disappear again. At the same time, knowing he should know what she was going. There were times in this relationship she didn't know which way to turn, that was the part that scared her.
Did she message him? Did she email him? Should she just give him space? Should she just let go? The last one hurt her to the core to even think about, and when he came back telling her, he still wanted her, she let that one go. Just some of his actions still confused her, as he was still closed off and staying away. This was a very big step to take, and she needed to know that he would be there for and with her. She knows she needs to tell him, so she emails him.
Hey, there are some things I should let you know about when you came back I was so happy I didn't tell it all. I just wanted to talk to you and be with you. Plus if I am honest I didn't want to overwhelm you more than what you were. I just feel you should know.
I know your worried that I won't leave my husband in the end. I just want you to know I have already taken some steps. Yes, some are small, but in a way big.
I started with removing Married from my Facebook status, and him as my husband. He has seen this, and removed me as his wife, and even put interested in females. I was happy to see that, it didn't bother me at all, just gave me hope he will move on.
While you were away, I have been even more closed off towards him, and pissy. He has noticed that as well, telling me so. I can't help how I feel. Every time I see him, I want him gone. I want to be with you.
I have been removing him from everything he was on with me and even removed my wedding rings. He saw that and also knows in all the years we have been married I never took them off. He knows something is up. He isn't dumb.
In the past, he has told me maybe he should just leave. I am waiting for him to say that again. In the past, I just walked away, where this time I will answer I think that is for the best, the sooner the better. I want it to come out of his head to make things easier. I know how vindictive he can be, so it coming out of his head, would be best. It may take a bit but I know it will as he sees nothing is here.
I have also found my voice, I don't put up with anything from him anymore. I speak up and back, giving it to him just as good as he can give it. I think that has been even more of a wake-up call to him. It surprises him each time I talk back or have a voice since I been without one for so long. I have stopped cooking his dinners, he gets canned chili or something thrown into the microwave, but nothing home-cooked anymore. As I am through making two different meals since he doesn't like what I and the girls eat. The last time he asked for a home-cooked meal, I handed him the pan and the ground beef and told him to have fun! He cooked it himself but never brought it up again. He just bought things to put in the microwave seeing I wasn't playing around.
I guess they all seem like little things, and yes they are, but the biggest thing I have done, is talked to my girls. I sat down with them telling them that I can't be with their father for much longer. I need more, and I am not happy. If I am honest, I am downright miserable. Of course, I didn't tell them it was because of you. That all I think about is you, and being with you, and finally getting to share the life I hoped we would have. That I kept to myself. I did tell them it would take a bit of time, but when it would happen I didn't want it to be a big surprise to them. They said it wouldn't be, they know I am not happy. They felt bad for their father but at the same time said we both needed to be happy, and neither one of us is.
I also am working on my at home job that I have, trying to put money on the side, knowing that this is going to cost. A divorce isn't cheap. I looked up some, and if he goes with one that is mutual we can do that pretty fast and cheap. I just don't know if he is going to be that nice or want to be an ass. If he wants to be an ass we will need a lawyer, that won't be cheap as they are 150 to 200 an hour, and I don't really have that. Plus there are bills I will have to now pay without him, So I am putting money on the side, and working the best I can. This isn't going to happen overnight, but it will happen soon, and I need to know that you are here with me. That you really want this. I am willing to take the steps I just need you there with me. I know you said if and when I left him, let it be because I want to. Well... it's both.
I love you