Joe takes his time in answering her back, even though he knows he wants this and is going through with it. He still needs time to think. It was his problem, he was going through so much in his own life, he was trying to deal with all that before bringing her into this.
The silence just makes Deeana crazy. She loves Joe more than anything else, but when he ignores her, she doesn't know what to think or do. There are times she even thinks if he loves me this much, how can he ignore me like this? How can he stay away? When inside she is falling apart and needs him more than anything. Yet she still has hope, hope that in time he will get over whatever he is going through and come to her. He already told her he wanted her, she believed him. What were a few more weeks? After waiting half a lifetime? She just knew she couldn't wait forever. She was doing her best to set herself free of her husband, and at times she would wonder if she was doing the right thing? Yes, the marriage wasn't even a real one but it was a lot to let go of.
Her children had there mother and father, a stable home, she was comfortable with finances. Leaving him would change all that, and if Joe really didn't want her, or this and would stay away, she was honestly wasting her time, and hurting everyone around her for nothing. Yes she wasn't happy, but she could live like that to make the rest happy, she had done it all these years, what was a few more?
She had happiness for a month straight, knowing, and feeling what love was, what she would really want in her life. Joe made her see that, and yearn for it even more. Every time she would doubt or feel down she would think of that month, think about when they met, and how he touched her, and she couldn't let it go. She would cry herself to sleep at night praying she would get it back, praying he would stop the silence. She hurt more now than she ever has in her life. Joe told her she could always text, call, or email him, that he would be there for her in anything she ever needed. Now she would and he didn't answer it, the only thing that gave her a tad of hope was the emails still went through, he didn't block her. She knew if he did, it was over, that would kill her inside, she didn't want to lose him again, then there were times she would ask did she ever really have him?
His words and actions confused her. They would anyone. Or maybe it was she was finally finding her voice and was able to communicate her feelings and wants, where Joe had his quiet times, where he just wanted to stay to himself. This scared her, would he do this if and when they were together in person? Would he go away like this? Yet every overthought, thought didn't stop her from wanting him and wanting to give it a try. She never felt this way before, he got her and good.
One night while Deeana is on the computer, her husband Phill comes into the bedroom.
"I need more pants for work." Phill snaps.
"I just gave you seven shirts and three pairs of pants, its only Tuesday," Deeana answers back.
"One pair of pants is still dirty, I can't wear them,"Phill says.
"It's not my fault they are dirty." Deeana answers.
"It's not mine either. I need more." Phill comments.
"Maybe you should start washing your own clothes!" Deeana snaps.
"Maybe I should pack up and leave," Phill replies.
"Maybe you should!" Deeana shouts.
"Nothing Lately has been working," Phill responds.
"If that is what you want." Deeana comments.
"I don't but like I did nothing lately that I do works." Phill states.
"Whatever!" Deeana answers.
Phill just walks away and goes to his own room, knowing that Deeana doesn't want him anymore. He has been seeing it for a while now, just now it was coming to ahead. He sees all the changes in her, her talking back, the removal of the rings. How she could care less if he was there or not. It was now at its worse.
For Deeana all the frustration she had over Joe, she took out on Phill. She couldn't help it, she saw that he was the reason they were not together. Phill was in her way. It wasn't fair or right, but she couldn't help how she felt. She knew the marriage was a sham, that she didn't love him anymore and hasn't for a long time. this was way before Joe came back into her life. This wasn't just something that just started. Joe was just the one who made her find her voice, made her see there is more to want and have.
There was no sense in trying with Phill, she had no feelings towards him, he killed those years ago. She now just wanted to get Phill to the point where he just would say fuck it and leave. She still had doubts, still wondered if this was the right thing to do. Joe wasn't making it any easier when he wouldn't answer her. She was doing it to be with him, and here he was nowhere to be found at times. She knew if she did this, it had to be because she wanted to, so in case Joe didn't come through, she wouldn't regret it.
Deeana is shaken by the fight, happy to give it to him, and let him know she isn't his doormat but still shook up because she isn't used to drama. Their life sucked but it was boring and quiet.
She sits there and wants to go to Joe, she needs him to be here for her and with her. She wonders if she should email him again or just go to bed. She sits for a bit and writes to him telling him what just took place. Hoping he would answer, he would be there for her. He would see that she was for real. She explains everything that happened and even tells him she needs him. Asking if this is really what he wants?
She sends it knowing it's late and he is sleeping so he won't get it till tomorrow. She sits there upset and hurt, more from him staying away then the fight with her husband. Nothing her husband did bother her anymore. It was Joe that had her going in circles.