The next morning Joe gets up early for work, checking his phone while he is lying in bed. He sees another email from her, he knows she emails him more and more now since he talked to her again. Giving updates and little emails here and there asking how he was. Trying to get his attention, he was aware of everything. He just wasn't ready to talk at the moment. It made him feel bad inside and he didn't mean to hurt her, this was just how he was. He has every intention of being with her, he just needs some space to think at the moment.
He opens the email reading it again, line by line. Seeing that things are getting serious. He now knows that Phill is very aware of her not wanting him, and even stating to leave. He puts himself in Phill's shoes, being there once himself and it makes him feel bad, but he knows this started before him. He just sees more and more she isn't playing around, and she keeps saying she wants to leave because of him. It puts pressure on him to make a choice, he knows he wants her, but is she doing the right thing?
Seeing she needs him, makes him sad and hurt more. Then he feels if she does this, she really does need to do it because she wants to, not because he is influencing her. He remembers telling her that, a few times. Scared that if the relationship between them didn't work, she wouldn't regret leaving her husband.
He gets ready for work, thinking about her and the email most of the day. He signs on Facebook seeing she isn't online, he checks here and there and still nothing. He hopes everything is ok and waits to see if she sends him another email with any update for the day, but she doesn't. He still checks her Facebook wall seeing she put up a photo of her getting her nails done, and the wedding rings are gone. He sees she is working, and she doesn't put much on her regular page. He signs on again at night, and she doesn't sign on till late, he sees she is ok and signs off. Still not going to her, just making sure she is ok in his own way.
Deeana looks during the day at her email, seeing nothing from Joe. Her heart hurts and her hopes dashed. She stays off of Facebook not wanting to see if he is on or not, when she sees him on and he doesn't go to her, it just hurts her more. She goes on at night to see if anything is new, she sees him online and her heart sinks. Why was he doing this?
She stayed away from her husband all night, not seeing him once that night. Knowing how she felt inside from Joe would only make things worse. If he wanted to leave, fine be it, who cared. She just didn't want to fight, she knew if they did she would say things to hurt him, because inside she was hurt to the core.
Deeana spends time with her girls and tries not to pay attention to when Joe signs on or off. She had to let go some, for her own sake. She loved him, but she loved herself more. This wasn't who she was, she was getting tired of chasing, tired of being ignored. Tired of false hopes. She needed a break.
Joe changed her whole life in an instant, he swiftly came in, and then swiftly left again. Going back and Forth. She wanted to be normal, have what they had the first month. There were times she just wondered if he was playing with her. Then she would go back to their conversations and the joe she knew and deep down she knew he wasn't. Everything they said to each other was true.
She would give him a bit more time, at the same time trying to heal herself. He needed to see what he wanted and take action. It was only two weeks he was away again, but the fact it was again, messed with her head. Was there something she was missing? At this point, she had no idea. She just knew if he really didn't want this, she wished he would just tell her and set her free.
Yes, it would hurt her greatly, but she would know she would have to let go and get over him. Where this way she was still hanging on. Still had hope.
In the back of her mind, she still saw them together and even married one day. Was this just a wish in her head and heart? She even wrote that to him, asking him that. Not like she was getting a response. She just hoped it wouldn't be long before he would either let her back in or set her free. She just hoped for the back in, and not set free, just that thought hurt. After all these years, too finally say how she felt and then lose it again? She would fight for a while longer, this meant too much to her to just let go.