A Love From the past.

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Chapter 5

Chapter 5

A few years later things don’t get better for Deeana, Phil has gotten worse always saying things are wrong that she does and now even pushing sex on her. Even when she says no, he doesn’t take that into regard or care. He just takes what he wants, when he wants. Bringing Deeana to her breaking point, and telling him she wants a divorce and that it's over.

Phil doesn’t take it very well, he is upset and not sure what to do. He wants to go back where he came from, so he can get support and a place to live. Deeana overhears that Phil’s sister Karen wants him to take McKayla back with him. Taking her away from Deeana. Deeana flips knowing this wouldn’t be good for the child. It would have to go to a different state to visit him, going back and forth. His family getting in his head and causing more problems. The divorce wouldn’t be a good idea even though she really wants one. So she fixes things, and stays for the sake of the child, even though at this time everything is miserable. She just isn’t happy with anything.

She still looks for Joe online, going to classmates online finding he signed up. It makes her smile even though she can’t read or contact him because she isn’t a member. At this time she doesn't have a way to become one, so she can’t get his info. She just lets it go again, trying to fix her marriage. Even trying to have another child which leads to a miscarriage from all the stress she is under. Making this already awful time even worse. This time is much different for Deeana, she wanted this child more than anything. She was so excited to be pregnant, and now that was gone. It's a rough time and a very hurting one. It takes a bit for Deeana to get over it if ever. Where all Phill cares about is if she can have more.

For joe he isn’t doing any better at this time, he was alone and sad. Wishing for someone to have a family with and be married. They both are suffering just for different reasons. Neither of them knowing what the other is going through. Deeana thinks about him, but he at this time doesn’t think about her.

Now they are both going on twenty-nine years old, Deeana having her second daughter. She is happy and alive with this. Wanting this child more than ever, wanting to do everything with this baby, knowing it will be her last. Deeana not really caring much about her marriage at the moment, the children have taken over, becoming her everything. She doesn’t focus on how the marriage lacks anymore. She just accepts it.

Another year goes by, and she goes back to classmates.com seeing another friend of hers joined one she could maybe ask to get her Joe’s information. The friend does her the favor, and she finds Joe on AOL. Adding him to her buddy list. She can’t wait to talk to him, to find out how he is? Is he ok? Is he married? What has he been up to?

She waits till that night and sees him online, and goes to say hi.

“Hi, Joe. It's me Deeana from grade school.” She says.

“Hey, how are you? “Joe asks.

“I’m good and you?” Deeana replies.

“I’m Good, What have you been up to?” Joe asks.

Deeana takes a pause, just not letting joe know. To tell him she is married bothers her, but she wants to tell the truth.

“I got married and I have two little girls.” Deeana states

Joe feels a little letdown but feels good for her. At the same time, not really knowing why she is messaging him but going for the ride.

“That's great, good for you.” Joe answers.

“What about you? You still live in Atlantic City?” Deeana asks.

“Yea I do. I am not married but I have a girl, its rocky at the moment but I want to try everything I can to get her back.” Joe responds.

Deeana’s heart drops but she knows that's no way to feel. They both lived their lives moving on. They were not nine years old anymore. They were both past thirty years old. She got married, had kids. It was only fair he has someone he loved also.

Deeana acts as if everything in her marriage is great and she is very happy. Never really letting on how she still feels about him, how she longs for him. She keeps her real feelings to herself like she always has. Just listening to him, and happy to know he is ok. The conversation goes well, and for a bit. Till they both say bye.

Deeana notices that he ghosts her, and she feels it was a waste of time. He doesn’t have any feelings for her. It was again one-sided. Again lost, again time to move on. Time to say goodbye.

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