A Love From the past.

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Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Joe is going through his own problems, wanting his girl back, and having a lot of issues with her. Hearing Deeana got married and was happy didn’t really help him either. Just made him feel why bother? She was happy and married she didn't want him. There was no sense.

Deeana tries to stay friends for a bit, even though he ghosted her messages, sending pictures for the holidays and things of that nature for a bit. Even emailing him here and there. He answers one but not the other which makes her really no he isn’t interested. Deeana walks away, putting her feelings in the back of her mind and heart.

She puts all her energy into her children, being the best mom she can be. Her marriage doesn’t really improve but she deals with it, not really caring about love, sex or romance anymore. Things were as they were, all those things were lost to her. She stays content with that for years. Watching her daughters grow up, staying in a stale marriage. Phil still cares for her and tries, in his own way. Still always complaining, and always everything was wrong. This was just Phil. At this point in the marriage, Deeana doesn’t pay any mind to it. It just slides off her back. Now being known as cold as ice, from having no emotions on anything that has to do with him. She just learned to ignore and move on. There wasn’t any other point. She hasn't thought about leaving him again, she just lets the time go. Being content with the kids and giving them a stable life with both parents..

She has a full life, doing everything for them. Going to school functions, baking with them, homework, holidays, everything always surrounded by them. Phil is the same, always doing things for the kids, its the only thing holding them together, the only thing they have in common.

Just now the time has come, that the kids are older, Deeana is now forty and wondering about all the things she has missed out on. Watching movies and reading books, reading all about romance and sex, just wondering what the hell happened to her? Was this all life had to offer? The marriage at this point over, they were just together for the kids. Even more now than ever. She thinks about maybe working on it but then rethinks it. “Phil isn’t going to change, she keeps telling herself.” They haven't had sex in a while and going back there wasn’t something she wanted. She remembers how he was in the past, how he forced her. It always left this fright in her. That when he would touch her, she would jump. It was sad that she couldn’t trust her own husband in that department. It just what it was. She wonders how it would be with someone else? Just never acts on it, just goes back into her hole and tries to forget about things. Feeling that isn’t going to happen for her, that time of her life is over.

A little more time goes by, as she sits in her bed thinking again about joe, it’s late and she keeps thinking about emailing him once again. Wondering if the email is even still alive. It’s been years since she talked to him again. She wonders how he is doing if he married that woman he was chasing. The thought kills her inside at the same time wanting him to be happy. Would he even answer? She sits there and says what the hell, what is one more rejection? "Maybe we can be at least friends."

She sits there and writes an email, trying to find the words to say. Still not able to say the ones she really wants to say, she just asks how he is and tells him a little bit about herself. That her oldest is graduating high school, and she feels old from it. Which wasn’t a lie. Where did the years go? They just wasted away, all her youth with a man that never appreciated anything. None of this was what she thought it would be. She always said she didn't want a marriage like her parents, here she got one that was worse.

She sends the mail, hoping he gets it, seeing that the email account is still alive. She hopes he replies, to just hear from him would mean the world to her. Knowing she can’t say how she feels, and by now he probably even has his own family. Just for some reason, she can’t let go. For some reason, she never could let go of the thoughts she had about him. The dreams, the wishes they stayed with her all these years.

She heads to bed thinking so many things, her mind taking over. What would it be like if she was married to him instead? If they would have gotten together so many years ago? Would it be different? She hopes he is ok and happy, that life did him better than it did her. That he got all that he wanted because she got nothing except her children.

She gets up checking mail and finding nothing. She keeps checking for three weeks and still nothing. She takes it that either he never checked the mail, or he just doesn’t want to talk to her. Again it was a waste of time, another rejection. Another lost moment in time. She sees there is no point and tells herself, you tried its been so many years, let it go. You have your life, it is what it is. You can’t go back, it doesn’t seem like he wants you anyway. Leave things as they are, which she does. Since she has no choice in the matter.

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