Asking for Forgiveness
It was nighttime when Alexey arrived at Victoire's house. Assuming she was asleep he opened the door with the keys she had given him when they had decided to live together a year ago...that hadn't turned out so well, he had hurt her terribly and it wasn't until now that he had gathered the courage to come and try to fix their relationship.
The door opened silently and he quickly walked in locking the door behind him. The furniture in the house was vaguely illuminated by gaps in the window blinds, giving the white interior a ghostly gleaming look. It was distinctively decorated with Victoire's taste, every inch of the house, be it the structure or the furniture, was covered in varying shades of white, which always made him think the house was an extension of Victoire's pure, heavenly soul.
"His Angel," he used to call her, making her smile and whisper into his lips, "and you're my demon, Alexey." He would then proceed to kiss her lovingly as he ran his fingers through her chestnut curls, letting her know how much he loved her. Alexey sighed and closed his eyes as he recalled all the wonderful memories he had shared with his divine angel.
The feel of her rosy lips against his own pale lips was easily one of the most wonderful sensations in the world and seeing them spread into a smile would fill him with a joy second only to the bliss he felt when their naked bodies would unite as he made love to her, feeling her silky body with his hands as it grew hot under his burning touch, making her feel pleasure in ways unimaginable until her body glowed and screams of ecstasy poured from her lovely lips, and then she would grow still, exhausted by the intense passion of their lovemaking. He smiled ruefully and opened his eyes, acutely aware of the coldness of the dark house.
He couldn't bear to keep reminiscing on those memories, for fear of conjuring that terrible day when they had finished their lovemaking and...he pushed away the clear image of the pain in her bright chocolate eyes and made his way up the stairs to go into her room and get a glimpse of his...of Victoire before attempting to reconcile with her in the morning.
He opened her bedroom door gently and was surprised by the scene before him. There on the dais next to the window was a figure which he recognized to be Victoire, and he could tell she was awake as she was sitting in an upright position, looking closer he could observe that she was actually sitting on her knees and she appeared to be looking out onto the street.
Even though he could only see her graceful body from behind she still looked as lovely as ever, and the skylight directly above her bathed her in bright moonlight which only added to the effect of her overall ethereal appearance, her soft chestnut curls cascading down her silk covered back, the light reflecting off her white nightgown and her pale skin.
He was not surprised to find her there, given that that was her favorite place to think and read, that was the whole purpose of the skylight above. So she could have light at any hour for her reading pleasure. What surprised him was the fact that she was awake, it was around one in the morning and during all the years he had known her, she would go to sleep early for she would tire easily...although, she had often sacrificed her precious hours to spend time with him the days he got home late or when she was in the mood for one of their lovemaking sessions.
He wondered what she was looking at or what she was thinking off, had she seen him come in the front door? Alexey's mind told him no for she hadn't reacted in any visible way or shown any sign of being aware of Alexey's presence. He remembered his intention of waiting until daylight to talk to her, but seeing beautiful Victoire after three months time filled his black heart with the need to wrap his body around hers and kiss her pain away as he made love to her, claiming her as his forever and always.
He made up his mind and began to approach her slowly, freezing on the spot when he heard her say in a harsh tone, "you're back," while still keeping her back to him.
The first words to come to Alexey's mind were, "my lovely Victoire..." to which she reacted by turning around quickly so she could look at him with what she hoped was a fierce expression.
He was stunned by the sight before him, she appeared to have lost weight and the shine in her eyes was gone, instead he could see dark circles under her eyes, and yet even though she had a haggard look about her he still thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world. She misintepreted his expression and said, trying to hide her weakness, "you don't think I'm so lovely now, do you?"
Surprised that she could say such a thing, Alexey said, "my beloved Victoire of course I still think you're lovely, I only have eyes for you my dear. What happened to you? Are you okay? Am I...am I the reason for your suffering?" It pained him to see her like this, dreading the answer, knowing he was the reason for all her troubles.
"You hurt me Alexey and...then you just left without a trace." She said with tears in her eyes, her bravado gone.
"Victoire," he said, gently taking her hands, glad when she didn't flinch away, "I was only trying to protect you, having children...that's just not an option my love, much less with you, why would I want to taint your precious body with a being created from my darkness?"
She flinched away and he realized he had said the wrong thing, again. His mind brought him back to that fateful day...they had just finished making love and he was kissing her neck as they cuddled.
"Alexey?" She had asked.
"Yes my love?" He answered.
"I was thinking," she said timidly, "I mean we've been together for a long time and I thought...maybe it was time..." She trailed off.
"You were thinking maybe it's time for what?" He asked as he trailed kisses up her neck.
"Well, I thought it was time for us to have a baby."
He stopped kissing her neck and looked directly into her eyes. "What is wrong with you?"
Taken aback she said, "wh-what?"
"I'm not going to have children, least of all with you."
She gasped and he immediately regretted saying that when he saw the pain in her eyes. He panicked then, he didn't want to hurt her but he wouldn't give in either, there was no way he would have a child with such a heavenly creature.
"I...I gotta go," he said, putting his clothes on quickly and leaving before she could react. He had gone drinking then but he had planned to return...in the end his cowardice won out and he thought it would be best for him to disappear until Victoire got the idea of having a baby out of her head. Alexey flinched as the memory came to an end and he came back to his surroundings.
"I'm sorry my love, I didn't mean to hurt you." He said with repentance.
She looked at him with tears in her unusually dull eyes and spoke softly, "no Alexey, I understand. You're repulsed by the idea of having a child with me, I guess I'm not worthy enough to bear your seed."
His eyes widened in shock, he now understood what had happened, how could she think such a thing?
"My perfect angel. I see what has happened. You think the last person I want to to have a child with is you because you're not worthy?" He paused for a moment to brush a curl away from her face and in a daring move he kissed her softly. "Victoire, you're wrong, you're more worthy to do whatever you decide than anyone in this planet. You are a perfect wonderful creature, which is precisely why I do not want to taint your pureness with my unworthy seed. Don't you see? I'm the one who's not worthy of having a child with anyone, much less with you."
Comprehension dawned in her eyes, he had always thought so little of himself, but to her eyes he was just asked perfect as he thought she was. She got up on her feet and grasping his hands placed them on the big bump on her belly he had failed to notice before. He stood there dumbfounded as Victoire gently said, "Alexey, I am pregnant with your child. I wasn't on birth control anymore that last month we were together, because I wanted your child."
She looked him in the eyes and finished by saying, "I was going to tell you the day...the day you left." He caressed her belly with his hands for a while, trying to get used to the idea of having a baby, until he felt her envelop him in a soft but warm hug.
"Victoire," he whispered in her ear, "I am terribly sorry, if having a child...with me, means so much to you then we will, and now that I'm back I will care for you properly. You've lost weight sweetie, that's not good for you or the baby." She smiled at his words and said knowingly, "you're going to be a great father Alexey."