They say love is power. That love is strength, that it will give you all the confidence in the world just by having that special someone by your side to lift you up and serve you bravery for supper.
But it's all a lie.
I never felt so feeble and pitiful in all my life. So controlled, so
I'm glad were cut, our ties severed. Because when I was with him, it was destructive, toxic, and most importantly,
Painful. Excruciating. Unbearable. Both mentally and physically.
And I couldn't do it anymore.
So I'm very glad he's gone, because all he was to me was like acid stuffed in my nose and dripping down my throat, seeping through my spine as it destroys me slowly from the inside out.
But I'm not sure I'll ever be ready for a relationship again after that, after what he put me through for all those years, those years that I was too scared to do anything about it.
But I've changed.
So, does that mean at some point, I'll be ready?
And I'm searching, looking for the right answer to that question but I can't, because my head is foggy, full of uncertainties and
I feel myself fall into deeper waters.
I pretend to be someone I'm not.
I pretend, lie, do things I'd never want to actually do in the first place because of popularity. Fame. Followers.
Do this, they say. Hurt them because they pissed us off. They didn't do what we wanted.
Who gave them the right to tell me - or anyone, for that matter - who to hurt, who to punish for not doing something for them that they had no control over? Who gave them the right to tell me to hurt them because 'they're the bad guys'? We all know who the 'bad guys' really are. But I still listen to them anyway, I still let them push me around.
But this life has me too far in it to be able to back out easily. It won't just spit me out of its existence and be done with me.
But I'm willing to put up a fight.
The question is, how? How do I do it? Can I? Will I be able to break free, or will it keep me here, imprisoned within it's wake, holding the weights I know all to well on my throat, my being?
I sit here, in my sad, pathetic world, taking joy from others because someone else told me to.
And they don't even know it.
And I want to go, I want to stop and I'm fighting it, I'm shoving it away but it's not enough never enough, and it's all because of
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