A year ago...
“Levi?” I ask, as I open the door to our small, dirty apartment.
Home sweet home.
What a saying. This is actually a place I call home.
An old, dirty apartment. It smells like rats died in every room, but for some reason, I don’t mind. Our apartment isn’t the best in town. It’s actually on the worst side of town. Levi and I couldn’t find a cheaper place to live, so we just agreed to live here together.
The space is okay, but the furniture is a bit dirty. The wallpapers are falling off, leaving a nasty trail of glue on everywhere. We also don’t have clean water, but its okay. It’s what we have to deal with.
The rooms may be kind of dark, but as I said, it’s okay.
“Levi, are you home?” I ask, while throwing my bag-pack on the ground.
I sit on the side of the messed up sofa and remove my dirty Doc Martens. Levi got them for my birthday. I got really mad, because he got me an expensive gift. We don’t have that much money, but we stand strong and I try to balance between two jobs for our sake.
“Levi, seriously!” I yell, as I walk up of the dirty stairs.
I spot a shadow under the bedroom door and I bet its Levi’s.
I turn the door knob and slowly open the door to probably not wake Levi up. He might be asleep and I don’t want to wake him up.
As I enter the room and the strong smell of bitter cigarettes crashes in my face.
“Levi!” I yell.
Levi starts coughing, sounding like he’s having hard time breathing. He keeps coughing while holding a cigarette in his hand.
Tears start rolling down his cheeks due to the intense, painful coughs.
“Levi, what the heck are you doing?” I shout.
“You know you’re not supposed to be smoking, yet look what I find you doing!” I scream, as I grab the cigarette and throw it on the floor.
I step on it, although I’m in socks. The feeling of burn appears hurting my foot, but quickly disappears.
Levi keeps coughing, yet the sound of it is terrible.
It’s dry and bitter, making my heart ache.
Blood clots start falling on the ground as the coughs get serious. He hits his chest as the blood falls out of his mouth, down on the dark wooden floor.
Levi has lung cancer.
It’s been 3 years since he’s been diagnosed with it. We can’t afford any medicine, so the only thing we can do is avoid smoking. But as you can see, Levi has a very hard time doing so.
He never listens to me.
He stops coughing and looks up at me, while trying to catch his breath. I hate seeing him doing that. He looks like he’s having a heart-attack and his chest moves up and down really fast. His breathing looks so heavy and it always manages to bring tears in my eyes.
“Levi, I told you to stop!” I yell, while tears roll down my cheeks.
“I’m s–,” he stutters, before the coughing starts again.
“You can’t be serious. You have lung cancer, yet you’re still fucking smocking!” I scream.
He takes a deep breath and coughs slightly.
“I’m sorry V, really,” he manages to say.
“It’s hard for me and you know that,” he adds.
“That’s not a fucking reason Levi! You know we don’t have money to buy any sort of medicine or even to go to the damn hospital!” I yell, while my hair goes in my mouth.
“The one time we went to the hospital was because Bria let us borrow money, but we still haven’t paid her back!” I yell while waving me hands in the air.
“You can’t just do that. If I lose you, I’ll–,”
I cut myself and start sobbing.
The thought of losing Levi just makes me sick. He’s all I have in this world, literally. If he’s gone, I’ll have nothing.
He’s my everything and I’m not even joking.
My mom got kicked out when I was younger. I saw the way my dad threw all her belongings away and threatened to kill her if she came back crawling to get me. He got remarried, but his new wife hated my guts. She called me ‘Rat girl’ and made me clean the house when my dad was not around.
She had a son. An evil, demonic son. He was careless and did not care about what people to him whatsoever. He did horrible things to me, but I will never speak of it to. Only Levi and he’ll be the only one. He’s been there for me since I ran away from home. He’s all I have right now. We may have 4 years difference, but I will always love him. I hope as time goes by, we get enough money for us to get legally married and move out of this dump.
“Don’t cry V,” he says, as he comes over to me and wraps his muscular, yet lean arms around my waist. I bury my face into his chest and smell the familiar smell of burnt wood on his black hoodie.
“Stop crying,” he mumbles, as he leans down to kiss the top of my head.
I slowly look up at him and wrap my arms around his neck. He’s kind of tall, but I still manage to do so.
He slowly leans forward and I look in his amber eyes. I’m obsessed with them and I’m glad I’m the only one that can lay their eyes on it.
“Promise me you’ll stop smoking,” I sniff.
“I promise,” he mumbles, as he looks into my eyes.
“No, I’m serious. If I find you smoking again, I’ll leave,” I threaten, desperately trying not to think of the terrible consequences of his actions.
“I promise”, he whispers, while placing his forehead against mine.
I smell the stinging, bitter smell of cigarette from his breath, but I still look into his eyes.
“I love you,” he whispers.
“I love you too,” I smile, as a tear rolls down my cheek.
He grins and brushes off the hair on my face. His finger tips do small circles on my cheek, making me feel sort of warm inside. I love when he does this.
“I promise I’ll get you a better life than his shit. We’ll live in Cali and start a family together,” he whispers.
“Are you sure?” I ask, still looking in his eyes.
“Yeah–100 percent sure I’ll marry you.” He states, as his hands go down on my waist and pulls me towards him.
“You’re mine,” he says, as he gently places his lips on mine.
“I know,” I mumble back.
He slowly places pulls me closer to him, leaving no place between us, and kisses me slowly.
I love this man.
I hope the world doesn’t do anything to take him away from me.
I hope we find a way to leave here and move to a cleaner, more sustainable place. A place where he can get medicated and treated.
I love him and I can’t lose him.
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