The Open Heart Surgery
Roger said he loved me but I don’t believe it.
Scrambling back, I watched him enter the room. When his back turned to shut the door, I walked back to the balcony. I needed air, now more than ever. The artificially warmed air wasn’t what I needed. I craved the dusty carbon monoxide inside my lungs to feel alive, alright.
This was a dream I was sure of. A nightmare to be precise. I watched the orange globe dipping into the horizon, only streaks left behind in the darkening sky. Roger moved closer, clearing his throat. I was so sure of my reverie that I shut my eyes tight. Upon opening, I would be awake.
1...2...3... I counted.
Nothing. I still stood in the open area. Roger was still next to me.
“I know I don’t look the best but you don’t have to shun your eyes for that.” He tried to lighten the mood but I was still confused about his appearance.
“Why are you here?” I asked. Turning me towards him, Roger picked up my fallen face.
“For you! I am here for you.”
The last of my decision, knowing what I wanted in a man resonated back. My brain was detoxed of Roger to have managed to remind me, not to fall back into his play.
“We are two different people who want different things, Roger.”
He held both my hands, pulling me closer. I was standing under a frozen sky, yet it seemed to not affect me. I watched Roger blowing warm air through his mouth onto my white knuckles. He turned me back, walking us in.
The room was warmer. Only when the warmth hit me did I realize how cold it was and yet, idiotically I stood outside without any warmer. Pulling a coat over me, I warmed my chest. If there was a competition to catch pneumonia, I was running the first contender for it.
Moving closer, Roger rubbed his hands over my coat laden body. Extra warmth didn’t hurt. In fact, I was reeling back into his touch. Stepping outside his hold, I warmed the room further before tossing the coat aside. Roger retained his stand, stoic expressions danced across his face.
“You still haven’t answered me...” I stared at him. He raised his hand.
“I did. I told you, am here for you, love.”
Oh, would you stop it? It still hurts.
“Please don’t.” I raised my hand, asking him to refrain from his words, his love.
I was barely his friend when he decided to leave me sobbing at his apartment. Heartbroken. There was no way a man would fall for me like that. It was his need to have what he couldn’t that was making him do this.
“Roger...Please, can we do this some other time? I know you don’t love me. It’s just that nobody had ever ignored you before like this and that’s all there is. It’s not love, you are probably missing me.”
I haphazardly raised my hands, gesturing to his confused feelings. With a smirk, he walked over to the desk and leaned back. Legs crossed, standing, he crossed his arms too, watching me get worked up.
A while back, I was ready for a meeting with potential clients for dad before this man decided to walk in.
“Can I get you anything? Where are you staying?” I asked. He remained silent. Ahh, Classic Roger. “So you won’t say anything?” He continued donning his smirk, staring at me. I hated silence. “Will you say something for the love of God?” I screamed.
His eyebrows touched his hairline with my reaction. Moving closer, I coiled my fist to punch him, resigning at the last minute. Instead, I pushed him. The table bore the assault. With a loud drag, it adjusted to its new place, Roger along with it.
“Say Something.” My insides were lit on fire. I was heaving, asking him to talk. Without realization, I felt the same hazy vision as last time. Don’t Cry. I reminded myself. My eyes betrayed me and so did my words.
With trembling lips, I asked one last time, “Why are you here?”
“For you, my love...” He stepped up, bridging our distance. His soft hand wiped my tears and kissed my forehead.
“You don’t love me.” I protested, feeling a ball of pain hitting inside my chest in replacement of where the heart should be. I bent onto my knees, his hands holding me still. This was worst, way worse than Roger’s apartment incident.
I saw Roger knees on the carpeted floor, watching my arched body. Meeting my eyes, his seemed misty.
“I might have not said this but I have always adored you, Arin. When you first rebutted me, I was impressed. I was fascinated when our attorney told you were indeed the best. I was surprised how your talent evaded my sight. When I came to know you were an Oswald, to be frank, I was jealous. Charles is a great father to have.”
Roger heaved for air as if his lungs were devoid of it. His eyes brimmed, just like mine. “When I came to know you were babydoll, I was spellbound. You managed to trick me again, Arin, staying out of sight while being within.” He held my hand, bringing me to my knees.
“You have always managed to impress me, fascinate me. I can’t believe you were always the one I was looking for.”
“All that but you could never love me.” I mocked.
Roger moved on his knees, closing the inches that remained between us. He cupped my face, staring into my eyes. “Because I was an idiot to not understand that no girl has ever been able to do all this to me. No girl ever came close to playing me into her trance even on a call. I was wrong to say that Stella was my first love. She was my first infatuation. I thought of it as love.”
Our faces were barely apart when he whispered, “Love, I came to know from you. I was crazy to think it was only a crush on you. Only when I felt like losing you, did I realize what you were.”
Warm tears rolled down my face, landing on my folded legs. Wiping them away, Roger kissed my forehead. “It was always you. Only you. You, Arin Oswald Rafferty have ruled my heart since the first call and before that when you first gave the interview and flung your pen onto me by accident. You not only took the pen with yourself, but you also took my heart away. You came back and repossessed the remaining on the call. I was unaware of your invasion. I fell for the girl who is now my fiancé. There is nothing more I regret than not knowing how to take your ring back so I can ask you properly.”
My heart thundered inside my chest at his words as my arms coiled around him, wailing onto his shoulder as he carried me back to the bed. We talked and made sweet love to each other. This wasn’t one of that urgent lovemaking. This was slow-paced. Afterwards, we slept in each other’s arms.
There was a sensation in me, the feeling of brimming with happiness. The one where I was utterly and truly happy. In the morning, I woke up to him ready with breakfast on bed. Although it was room service, I could imagine how my life was going to be.
Tossing a piece of fruit from the plate, Roger said, “When we return, there is a a ton of work for you.”
Munching on a piece of apple, I nodded. “Ya, I know. Work is piled up. Maybe it’s time for me to get an assistant.”
He laughed, waving his hands back and forth. “I mean work for you at my place. I mean now, our place.”
I gulped the morsel and stared at him. Unable to understand if he was asking me to renovate his house or something else. “Sorry what?”
“I mean,” Roger twisted his wrist into balls. “I was hoping that you would come live with me.” He walked over, falling besides me on the bed. Pulling me to his chest, I heard his rhythmic beats. “I know, it’s too soon. But there was a part of methath has regretted not speaking up before. I don’t want to waste any more time with the back and forth, Babydoll...”
I turned to him. Finger-pointing at him and then back at me for confirmation, “Are you?”
He nodded with a huge smile. “Yes... yes,” his voice rose when he sat up. “I am asking you to move in with me.”
“But...I...” All words and dialogues asides, when the man you love ask you to live in with him, a rush of happiness would jerk you so bad, your brain would scramble while delivering messages.
With a nod and teary eyes I nodded. Roger picked me up from the bed, turning me up over him as he lay under me. “You have made me the happiest man, Babydoll.”
“Are you sure we are going with that name?” I asked with a raised eyebrow. He bopped my nose, nodding. Turning me over, we devoured each other as if this was the last moment for us.
But it wasn’t. It was the start of Roger and Arin, of master and babydoll. It was the start of the talks and love and everything in between and more. It was our lives that were starting. Of two people who experienced love and loss in different ways. Ones who were the missing puzzle from each other’s lives. Once who were imperfectly perfect.
Hope you liked this chapter. I love writing the confession chapters.
I hope you all check out my new completed book
Because if you love this book, you would surely love that too :X