THE UGLY CHILD, HARD FEELINGS AND HOMECOMINGS
ALISTAIR, THE UGLY CHILD, HARD FEELINGS AND HOMECOMINGS
We talk like this for awhile, and the entire fucking time Finn is sitting there naked. Jesus Christ man, put some fucking pants on. The towel covers him but barely. It is ridiculous and it looks like there is an ugly child sitting with him at the table. It is distracting me, and I know it is all Peyton can do to not keep staring at it. As I watch her, her eyes keep darting down then back away. It would be funny if she weren’t licking her lips every damn time.
My boner is pushing the limits of my zipper and it is fucking killing me.
There is a pause in conversation, and I take the chance to memorize every square inch of her. Fuck she’s beautiful. She’s skinnier than before – totally up to her since it is her fucking body but I’m not crazy about it. She’s gorgeous and sexy as sin no matter what, my sore palms and now fucking blue balls are a testament to that. Seeing her again, smelling her… hits all of the primal parts of me. Do I want to pound into her fucking hard over and over again while Finn sticks his dick all the way down her throat until we both cum? Fuck yeah, I do. After we both make her cum so many times, she thinks her head is going to explode. God yes.
Fuck, this line of thought is not helping my zipper situation.
But the fact remains… I’m in love with her. And I fell in love with her through her letters and over the phone. Of course I was attracted to her before all of this happened – who the fuck wouldn’t be? But it was her wit… her mind, that I fell in love with. Her beautiful face and incredible body are just an amazing fucking bonus. She doesn’t know I love her, but she does know that Finn and I want a relationship with her.
We have no idea how she feels.
No. That’s not true. She likes us. Both of us – a lot. But is it enough to try for a future with us? I don’t know. I don’t even know if she’ll be game for a threesome! That alone is a lot for some people to even try to think about doing and considering Finn and I both like her as much as we do, our mutual friendships could be at risk too. I’d like to think we’d both be bigger than that… but I also know I’m an asshole. When her eyes meet ours the grey has turned dark. Fuck that’s hot.
“I like both of you and I want to try this,” she moves her hand to indicate the three of us. Fuck yeah! “This relationship between the three of us but I’m fucking terrified of ending up where I was six months ago.” She takes a deep breath before continuing. Neither of us want to see her there again either. Christ, I still have fucking nightmares and I see her in the tub every fucking time I close my eyes. My own personal horror show. “I’m going to need to go at my own pace and I need you to be patient with me.” She looks to us for reassurance which we both give her. I’ll wait forever for her if I fucking have to. “I’ve also never done this so I’m going to have questions and need some…” she blushes and looks away before continuing, “guidance so I don’t do anything wrong.”
Oh sweet girl, you have everything wrong. Finn and I look at each other than approach her slowly. I’m scared to touch her, of scaring her away but I also want to reassure her. We each take one of her hands in ours. Finn speaks first.
“Peyton, my love – we are going to learn together as we go. Ali and I have never been in a relationship with a partner before,” she starts to protest and we both know that isn’t what she meant. This time it is my turn.
“And when it comes to sex Peyton, we’ll follow your lead. When you’re ready, so will we be. And if you’re never ready, that’s okay too sweet girl. There’s no pressure here, no expectations – we’re going to figure this shit out as we go, just like Finn said.” She gives us a small smile and my heart fucking soars. I can’t believe I just said that.
But there it is all the same. She agrees, we agree, and we will all agree together forever, happily ever after. Jesus Christ, I need to get laid. Or drunk. Maybe both. Fact is, I love this woman and I want her to be happy in every single way imaginable. I want the opportunity to do my part and I want the same for Finn. And she just agreed to give ‘this’ a chance.
Once Finn puts on some fucking pants, we take Peyton to her own little cabin further out on the ranch. The owners agreed after Finn and I both agreed to take a cut out of our wages to cover her expenses. After that, they couldn’t care less since the cabin has been sitting empty for years apparently. We gave it a good cleaning about two months ago, but it’s been sitting unused ever since. Her unexpected arrival means we didn’t get to straighten it up, so while the dust isn’t as bad as it was before, it isn’t fucking great.
But Peyton doesn’t seem to care. Not one fucking bit. In fact she looks thrilled with the place. We leave the cleaning supplies with her, along with the essentials she’ll need to get started and go. She asks us to give her some time alone and that is exactly what we do. It fucking sucks because I never want to leave her side again but I’m guessing that sounds more creepy than romantic. We give her the new phone we bought months ago and give her copies of the restraining orders we got for her. She already knew about them as we never kept anything a secret but I’m guessing actually seeing them is something else. Reality is a real bitch sometimes. The only people programmed into the phone are Marley, August, the bar, the main ranch number for emergencies, Ali and me. Everyone from her past don’t know how to reach her but they do know where she is after the fucking hospital called her mom… Peyton needs to update her emergency contact information.
I had kept her old phone for awhile, but finally destroyed it after no one bothered to try to contact her after the hospital notified her mom about Peyton’s attempted suicide. Not. One. Person. No wonder Peyton was in such a dark fucking place. Jesus Christ, these people better fucking hope I never meet any of them in fucking person. I can kill a person in a room full of people and no one will see a fucking thing. Then I can make the body disappear… I have the training. And thanks to those fuckers from her past we almost had to bury Peyton… Christ… I need to work on my anger when it comes to Peyton. Actually, it isn’t anger. It is fucking rage I feel towards everyone who ever hurt her. I want to fucking snap them all in half for pushing her to that horrible fucking place she was in – and then not fucking caring.
I hate every single one of them. Finn tries to be understanding or find a logic to their behaviour. Fuck. That. They’re all selfish fucking assholes and fuck my karma, I hope bad things happen to every single one of them. Not death of course – that’s reserved for me in my dreams. I’d never actually do it. I’m not a complete fuckup.
Doesn’t mean I can’t dream about it.
And I fucking dream about it. A lot. That Eliza bitch being Peyton’s best friend and then fucking the boyfriend? Such a gross cliché. Nasty. I’m sorry about the stupid shit she has had to put up with after though – fuck people can be real assholes. At the same time, how Peyton responded makes me laugh out loud every time I fucking think about it. Who does that? Takes a fucking photo and sends it to every person you know?
That takes some big balls.
Brave if not the best reaction. But it is still funny as hell. Of course, it isn’t my bare ass being used as wallpaper on people’s desktops. So while Eliza definitely doesn’t deserve the harassment she’s apparently been getting – no woman does, the fucking irony isn’t lost on anyone either. None of this would have happened if she weren’t fucking her best friend’s boyfriend in her best friend’s bed in the first fucking place. Still, having your bare tits shared with half the city can’t be fun and I’m fairly sure someday Peyton will recognize it. I know Finn would have handled it a hundred other ways, but I think drawing in some devil face emojis over her boobs before sending the picture out would have been the perfect touch but that’s just me. He doesn’t think I’m funny.
Brent is a real piece of work. If I ever meet him in person, I will punch him in the face. I will not blink, and I will not hesitate. Everyone should be fucking grateful that is all I’m going to do but I’m no good in this relationship if I’m participating from a fucking jail cell. First of all – he’s a dumbass. Peyton is fucking amazing and he not only has no idea, but he ruined his whole thing with her. So stupid. But what’s even worst is he almost fucking destroyed her at the same time. At the very least he had a hand in it. They all did.
The worst of them all is her mom. What. The. Actual. Fuck. She’s a goddamn monster. She one hundred percent fucking sided with Brent in the breakup – even though he cheated on her goddamn daughter! And then proceeded to continually harass Peyton with nasty fucking comments and messages about how everything is her fault, and all the different ways she went wrong. Unfuckingbelievable. I’ll never hit a woman, but this bitch is a fucking monster, so I’ll settle for an earful. And believe me, I have a lot I want to say.
But I sure would like to smack her. Even just once.
I’ve had a lot of time to think about the different ways I’d do it, as awful as that sounds. I have to fantasize about it because I will never actually hit her – that’s fucking wrong. But the hurt part of me wants to lash out at her mom for her part in what happened to Peyton… right or wrong. My rage is evolving into such a sense of loathing that I almost don’t even see them as fucking human anymore.
Just like war.