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I invite Finn over first since we met first. I cook a simple dinner in my now exceptionally clean cabin, and I believe him when he says he almost doesn’t recognize the place. It took a lot of fucking work to get it this way, but it is perfect, and it is all mine – for now. I found old hardwoods under the fucking horrendous carpet someone laid sometime in the seventies and now they shine with new varnish. There was a marble countertop throughout the tiny kitchen underneath the ugly ceramic tile and cracked grout – this place was full of fucking treasures once I started digging. The bathroom still isn’t great, but it works, and the water runs clear and clean, which is all anyone can really ask for.

The conversation has flowed easy all night which doesn’t surprise me – I feel like I’ve known him for years. Both of them, truthfully, after all our letters and phone calls. I know so much about both of them, and I shared so much about myself – more than I ever would have if we were dating normally. Spending this little bit of time with Finn tonight has confirmed for me that I am in love with him… I have been for months.

I am in love with both of them.

I am going to spend some alone time with Alistair tomorrow to be sure, but I have no doubt. Their honesty while we were writing meant everything to me, and it allowed me to be honest with them. And myself. Something I needed to do and hadn’t done in an awfully long time.

Just because you’re looking in a mirror doesn’t mean you’re really seeing your true self.

A tough fucking lesson to learn. My lesson almost cost me my life. I’m fortunate to say… I survived. Every day will be a new struggle and that is my new reality but that’s okay. I have tools now to help me face each new day and if I want them… Finn and Alistair too.

And I want them.

I have put some of the weight I lost back on and I no longer worry about it. Fuck that shit. Finn and Alistair were willing to wait for me – based on the woman they remembered which was fat me. Fuck, every time I call myself fat, they both freak out. Finn says I’m curvy, but Alistair said I’m luscious. Either way, they are helping me feel better about myself. I’m not a size zero and that’s okay. Fuck everyone who doesn’t like it.

Finn is sitting at my tiny table, the last of our dessert still spread across the top. I leave my chair and walk to his side and stand in front of him. He turns in his chair sideways, so he is facing me directly, with a looking of confusion on his face. Fuck he’s sexy. Lifting the bottom of my sundress enough so I can straddle his lap, I settle myself across him. I can already feel him growing hard against my core and it is driving me fucking crazy. He keeps his hands to his side, afraid to make the first move. Fuck that, I’m not wasting anymore time.

I wind my fingers into his hair and pull his head down towards mine, so our lips meet. He offers me no resistance as my tongue seeks entry into his mouth. Jesus Christ, he tastes so good. Chocolate from the dessert and something extra sweet that can only be Finn himself. With a loud groan he pulls himself away from me, breaking our kiss.

“Jesus Peyton, if we don’t stop now my love, I’m not going to be able to –“ he pants. He is giving me the option to stop before we go too far. God, he is such a gentleman. Fuck he’s sweet and sexy. Oh God that just makes me want him more. I’m rubbing against his erection through his pants and the friction is making me fucking insane. I want his mouth on me and his cock in me. Tonight. Now.

I look Finn straight in the eye to make sure he hears me clearly and knows I mean what I say. I have no doubt he won’t accept anything less, which is fucking awesome. God, I love him. Yeah. I really fucking do.

“I love you, Finn. I want this – I want you. Make me yours tonight.” After that there is no talking, only kissing, licking, sighing and suckling. Jesus it is fucking amazing. It was never like this with Brent. Ever. I feel… worshipped. Valued. Treasured. With Brent I was a hole of fucking convenience, that much is now clear.

Finn’s lips crash back into mine and his kiss is hard, aggressive. God yes. I’m so fucking wet I know there has to be a spot on his pants. He slides the straps of my sundress down both of my shoulders then tugs the dress down over my breasts. The dress has a built-in bra, not that it did much for my double-D’s but not having to wear a bra makes Finn’s access far quicker, so I fucking approve. He moans loudly as both of his hands grab my breasts and his thumbs and fingers begin tugging and twirling my nipples. Then his lips and mouth suck in a nipple and I’m fucking done – I grind myself on his cock into an amazing orgasm while he continues to caress my nipples. Jesus. Christ. So good.

But I need so much more.

Finn puts his hands under my ass and stands, lifting me with him. I wrap my legs around his waist and our lips anxiously meet again. My orgasm only made me need another instead of making me feel relief, and I know it only made Finn more worked up. I can feel the difference in his cock, even through his fucking pants. God, I want him in me.

He walks us to my bed where he drops me onto my back on it. As soon as I land, he is on his knees between my legs which he spreads further once he sees I’m not wearing panties. Surprise! Now get your tongue to work, goddamnit. It has been far too fucking long since a man has made me cum by eating me out. Waaa-aaa-aaay too fucking long. Even when Brent bothered his tongue was like a blind man throwing darts at fucking moving targets. He gave it his best shot but never made a fucking bull’s eye and I mean never.

But Jesus Christ Mary Mother of God and all that is holy… Finn knows what the fuck he is doing. Christ Almighty I’m seeing fucking stars as his lips and tongue passionately punish my clit in ways I’ve never experienced before. Unbelievably amazing ways. God he’s good. So good my orgasm ‘comes’ in no time, which fucking pisses me off. I want him to spend more time between my legs – because my God he’s fucking good at it. I groan with disappointment when Finn leaves my dripping folds and I can feel his smile as he kisses me.

“My love, I promise to spend time between your beautiful legs everyday for the rest of our lives if you’ll let me. I have never tasted anything more amazing before in my life,” he growls before kissing me deeply. I can taste myself on his tongue while he teases me with the tip of his cock as it bumps against my hypersensitive clit. “Please tell me you’re on the pill or something my love, because I can’t wait any longer to bury myself inside of you.” His voice is hoarse, and he is almost pleading. I’m so wet and feel just as desperate as he is, so I’m also just as happy when I tell him I’ve had my shot so we’re good to fucking go.

His moan is loud and feral as he starts to push into me. Finn’s cock is fucking thick, so it takes time for my body to adjust and be welcoming after Brent’s bite-size dill, but once I do… ohhhh God yes… Finn starts slow, but it isn’t enough for either of us for very long. He leans on one elbow and reaches his other hand down between us to caress my clit. His mouth suckles my nipple and in no time, I’m screaming his name again. As my muscles clench down on him, he freezes for a second and then I feel him empty himself into me as he shudders my name. Fuck that’s amazing to watch.

I don’t expect to get much sleep tonight.

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