We lived in Finn’s cabin for the first two years we were married but once I became pregnant it was time for somewhere bigger. It was hard for Finn to leave the Eagle Eye Ranch, but the time had come for him to realize his dream – his own ranch. It took a lot of encouragement from Alistair and I to convince him but I’m so glad we did – I can’t imagine our lives any other way. Turns out that since Finn was fucking hurt in the line of duty, his pension is worth more, so he and Ali decided it was best for me to be legally married to him. If something happens, I’ll get more from the government. Sometimes their fucking practicality pisses me off but at the end of the day I can only be married to one of them – on fucking paper anyways. I belong to both of them one hundred percent, and they to me.
Our new ranch is the ‘Olson-Leroy Homestead’. Someday when we have more acres, maybe that’ll change but it’s perfect for us for now. Who knows what the future will bring or what our children will accomplish with the land but that’s the fucking point… it is our land and it’ll stay in the family now for as long as that is possible. That is Finn’s dream and I’m so fucking excited we were able to make it a reality for him.
We bought the land then built the house. It isn’t massive but at the time we figured it would be big enough with four bedrooms. Fuck me. None of us expected to have two sets of identical twins in four years – no one will fucking fess up to where the twin genes come from but we all couldn’t be any happier either. Those first few years though… holy shit. If I sleep for the next two years solid, I still won’t make up for the sleep I lost back then. Fuck me. The boys came first and were colicky – both of them. Nobody slept for four fucking months. I increased my therapy to help me cope with post-partum after Nathan and Noah were born, and again I was so fucking grateful to have two amazing partners. Anyone would be lucky to have one – I have two.
When the boys were four the girls were born premature and really fucking tiny. It was scary for awhile but thank Christ they both pulled through. For awhile the doctors weren’t sure… Faith is deaf, but Hope appears to have no lasting after-affects of their early arrival. We all learned sign language as she did and use it without a second thought. As a courtesy, everyone signs at the same time we speak so Faith is never left out. She does an amazing job at reading lips though as my men and I found out the hard way… that was fucking awkward. Thank God she was still young enough at the time to be distracted from her question about ‘fucking mommy against the washing machine’ by ice cream.
Alistair is home with the children tonight so Finn and I can celebrate our ten-year anniversary. Ten years ago today we first met at the bar where I only stopped working once the babies started coming. Money is always an issue for us, especially with four kids under eight so we’re having a waterside picnic just like we did so many years ago.
All these years together with this man and I love him more than I did even yesterday. How is that even fucking possible? I don’t know, but it’s true. He and Ali were my everything and now they’ve given me four perfect little beings who are the entire world to me. When I think back to the person I once was, the person I let others stomp me down into becoming, I cringe. But I’m not ashamed of that time of my life – it is by far the worst fucking time of my life, but I survived. I came through and I’m still kicking ass all these years later. Hell. Yeah.
Thank God for Finn and Alistair. They gave me strength when I didn’t have any of my own and love when no one else loved me, not even myself. They’re my fucking heroes, truly. They saved me. I said it before, and I will say it until my dying breath… they saved me.
Without them, I would have died in that bathroom.
I would have died thinking no one gave a fuck. That I was alone in a world that couldn’t care less if I lived or died, especially since the ones who were supposed to love me unconditionally fucking didn’t. My mom died two years ago, the obit said cancer. I didn’t go to her funeral, in fact, I never saw her again after I left. I sent her the birth announcement when the boys were born, and she didn’t reply. Not one fucking word. Not even a goddamn card. I cried for fucking days over that, which probably didn’t help my depression.
So that was the end of it for me when it came to her. We had our fucking problems and that was never going to change but I was willing to try, that’s why I reached out. I extended a fucking olive branch and she… wasn’t interested? Didn’t care? I don’t know. Finn and Alistair kept telling me that it was her loss and I fucking know that but that doesn’t take the sting away. I’m still working on her fucking rejection of me, now she rejects my babies?
So now I have a lot of anger. I’m working on it. It’s stupid to waste energy hating her because she’s dead, so it’s not like she gives a shit how I feel. Fuck, she didn’t care when she was alive. All my feelings are being wasted on me and me alone, but I’m not ready to let them go yet. Someday. Maybe. As a mom, I don’t fucking get it. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for my children. As a mom, she fucking sucked ass. I’ll do better for my children, that’s for goddamn sure.
And the first person to tell either of my girls they’re fat is going to get punched in the fucking face.
Finn and Alistair agree. It took me a long time to appreciate my body – to see beyond my ‘fat’. Getting my mom’s voice out of my head is taking a really long time but my men are working on replacing it. Fuck I love them. Years ago Alistair jokingly threatened to stick his dick in my mouth every time I said I was fat. He didn’t account for how much I love sucking his and Finn’s dicks so sometimes I do it just to get their attention. Works like a fucking charm every time, even now.
It doesn’t take long for Finn to have me naked, on my back and in the grass. I spread my legs to show him where I want him, and he follows my lead – I love it when he and Alistair go down on me. I. Fucking. Love. It. They are both so good at it and after all this time, they know exactly how I like it. Christ, do they ever.
It literally takes seconds for me to come, and he doesn’t slow down. He inserts his fingers into me and starts pumping them in and out while his mouth continues on my clit. Fuuuuuck… oh God so good. Christ! Again! As Finn sits back to lick his fingers, I can see how wet they are from being inside me and it only makes me fucking wetter. I need my husband’s cock in me, now.
“Finn, Christ, I need you,” I ramble as I hastily undo his pants. He doesn’t fucking help me but instead sits back and smirks. I’ll show you something to smirk about, asshole. My eyes never leave his as I lick the entire length of his cock and he hisses my name. You want to make me wait buddy; I’ll fucking make you squirm.
With one hand on his balls and the other on the base of his dick I start sucking him in and out fast. He’s trying to resist thrusting into my mouth but he’s fucking trembling with the effort. It makes me so hot knowing I’m doing this to him. When I know he’s getting really close, I let him push me off. I need his dick inside of me so him coming in my mouth would not help me at all. Well – it would, but not in the way I need right this second.
I straddle him and drop down so he’s balls deep in me in one motion. Christ… we both groan with the sensation before he grabs me by the hips and starts moving me back and forth. I lean further back giving him full access to my body and he takes full fucking advantage, thank God. His fingers on my clit and his tongue on my nipple and I’m screaming his name again. If I got paid by the orgasm, I’d be a multi-millionaire by now, I’m sure. I’m so fucking lucky.
Finn is right behind me with his own orgasm, and after I stretch out beside him as we watch the stars above us. Ten years… seems like only yesterday and it also seems like forever… We’re both quiet as we’re lost in our own thoughts until Finn breaks the silence.
“You are my everything Peyton. You have been since the first time I laid eyes on you.” His voice is a whisper and when I look up, there are tears in his eyes. Oh my God. My sweet Finn, my beautiful Finn.
“Thank you for loving me Finn, especially when I didn’t love myself. I love you so fucking much,” I say back with my own tears running down my face. His smile is so incredible. God I’m lucky.
I won the fucking lottery in life.