Chapter 5: The suicide (Wanda's POV)
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The courage, the bravery, the strength. I have collected it all. I have gathered it into myself, fulfilled myself with it. And no, I am not going on a war or something. I don’t need to. Because I have already lost one with myself. I fought and fought and fought. But it wasn’t worth it. I lost. Not just the war, but myself too.
Here I am, at the beautiful sea. The crimson reds and the golden yellows are all beaming because it 3:00pm .Its been an hour since I am here, at my favorite relaxing spot. Its near the Malibu pier and the best view too. I haven’t had food but who does when he’s gonna be dying soon? I have been revising all my life from the past hour. The childhood, The teen life and finally the adulthood. Its not like I have lived adulthood completely because I am 21 so not that much of a time, but if you ask me, I don’t want to live it. The adulthood or the 60s or 70s or even just a year. It is seriously not worth it. I AM NOT WORTH IT.
And I am gonna end it. The images of both the worst and the best time pass by. Its like a slideshow. The best times first: My best friend Sienna and me in our teen years, laughing like crazy on even the silliest of things. My classmate Marcus Allen nicknamed ‘Mikkie’ who was friendly with me, once wore my cat eye sunglasses and tried to pout even though he just can’t! I laughed at that memory. The worst time took over my mind quickly: Anne and Amelia, the two girls who ruined my friendship with Azariah. Fights, criticism, hate, arguments, loosing...
The images of all the incidents flashed around her mind. The insults by her parents came into her mind. You are so lazy! You keep lying around and do absolutely NOTHING! Look how fat are you getting. People at your age are so pretty! And you?! A fat, ugly woman! Also you are the shortest from all your friends! HUH! Will you ever, ever be productive in your life?
A tear slide down her already messed up face. The world wouldn’t ever understand...will it?
I stood up on the rock. It was the highest peak and below it was the deep ocean. I was balancing dangerously on my black block heels. I had decided to wear my favorite clothes: A pair of black ripped jeans and a loose black crop top with straps. It’s better to die comfortably. I took a deep breath and opened my arms wide, I could see the sea awaiting to engulf me. I would let it do so. To eat me alive and let all of me disappear for forever. To let me go. Then I brought all my weight forward and I was bending, Bending towards the ocean. It was like everything was in slow motion.
Suddenly I felt a hold one both my arms from behind and I was jerked backwards. I was falling then, not towards the ocean but back down away from that peak. When I landed I quickly tried to be on my feet but something held me to the sandy ground, A pair of hands. Some very strong hands. No! I thought. Not now when I had finally gathered the strength to die. No! I can not! I was twisting and wriggling but I couldn’t get up. That’s when I decided to punch and kick. I was hitting constantly when suddenly my leg connected to something. I was moved upwards and then thrown back down. My hair that were previously on my face now were all away. I looked to what was holding me down. It was a man. His eyes is all I saw and they looked angry. And worried or maybe confused, I can’t say. He was staring at me all wide eyed.
He left my arms and moved away a bit. Oh God! My appearance must have scared him off. I know I looked horrible. Oh God! I sat up and moved away a bit too. Then I wiped my tears with my right hand. When he started saying something incoherent.
He paused. Breathed and then asked ″do you know what you were about to do?″
″hmm″ I answered. This got him furious I guess.
″Are you even in your right mind! You!.... uh! you could have died idiot!″ he shouted at me. Boy! he must have seen a suicide for the first time, because his reaction was disturbing.
I replied with″ I know″. I heard him sigh. He then asked me my name. I told him Wanda. He said he was sorry for shouting on me and then asked me the weirdest question: why would I suicide?
I looked upwards at him. My pupils were surely widened. He was attractive. A little too much attractive. I think I blushed or something. I talked quietly and told him that I had reasons which no one understands, he wouldn’t either. Also judging by his formal attire I told him that he looked a busy man and that he should not waste his time on me and mustered up a smile. He clearly didn’t buy that. He asked me what I would do after he went away. I knew he already knew the answer.
″Well, then I would like to know your address miss″ he said in a formal tone. I was confused. Why was he asking for my address? I let out a ‘huh’
He said ″I want to drop you safely to your house. I am sorry miss Wanda but as being a doctor I can not let you suicide. please tell me your address.″ I glared at him and clearly told him can’t give me orders.
He looked down at his hands and rubbed them. Then he came closer to me and I showed some alertness but I did not move. He then took my hand and gave a soft squeeze. His hands were warm and welcoming. He said the most unexpected thing then. ″ I am not giving you orders, I have absolutely no right to do so. I am in fact... requesting you. Please do not try to suicide ever again. It’s not the solution.″ I was so shook. How can someone be so kind with practically a stranger? he was so different from all the other men I have ever met. I told him my address and he smiled widely as his chocolate brown eyes twinkled. He then offered me his hand for getting up. I took it and got up on my feet. He asked me how I climbed the rock with the heels and I told him I was used to doing that. He curled his mouth in a small ‘o’ and said he thought I was new here.
We went and sat in his car and a girl called him who he called lorie and talked to her about going somewhere. I asked him if she was his girlfriend to which he panicked and I had to chill him down. He asked me if I would like something to eat to which I told him I haven’t eaten anything and I was so hungry I could eat a horse. We then stopped at a drive-through and got burgers and drinks. We ate and talked. I was feeling so much myself at this moment that I had even forgotten that I was in fact, once gloomy and attempted suicide. He sure was some miracle worker. He cracked jokes and shared stories and I was laughing hard while I wiped off my smudged makeup. I was still smiling when he stated ″ You know what Wanda? I think you should keep smiling. Not the fake ones. The heartful ones, You look so beautiful when you do so.″ and I thanked him. He then dropped me at my house and told me to take care. I returned the greetings and thanked him again before going inside my house.
I was overwhelmed. I was impressed. He was a good human being, something that was rare these days. But then again. He was just a stranger and he is always gonna be. I can not think about him anymore. Its not gonna be good for both of us.
Till Next Time!
Bye Bye Beautiful Readers!
Wania Ejaz Abbasi.
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