Lustful Desires

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Las Vegas, Nevada

Robyn Fenty

Igniting the freshly rolled blunt between my lips and taking a long drag allowing the hot smoke to fill my lungs, I sink more into the brown sectional couch. Flashbacks of the events that occurred earlier weighed heavy on my heart and mind.

"Robyn what the fuck is it going to take for you to realize that not every one that comes into your life is fucking against you!"

Those glossy almond brown eyes pierced into mine, as if searching for a piece of my soul that I desperately tried to dismiss into the dark abyss of my being, where all the other agonizing memories go.

My body temperature rises as I speak without thinking.

"This is bullshit. You're bullshit, and everyone else is full of bullshit. Man I don't want to put up with this shit right now. I'm gone."

As I stand up to head for the door, Jhene grabs my left wrist, snatching me to face her, seeing fresh tears rolling down her face.

"You know what Robyn? You're right I am bullshit. But let's recall the time you showed up at my door step, three in the morning, crying, because your cousin died, and I was the first person you came to. I was the first person who comforted you, and stayed up with you the rest of the night, until the sun came up as you wept in my arms. Was I full of bullshit then? Or what about the time when you got locked up for a Class A assault charge, with a $1,000 bail, and I WAS THE ONE WHO GOT UP AND CAME TO SAVE YOUR ASS SO YOU WOULD NOT HAVE TO DO TIME? HUH? WAS I FULL OF BULLSHIT THEN??? That's the problem Rob, I'm not your enemy, I am someone who loves you and cares for you, but you are allowing this stupid ass gangster shit, stop you from loving me back."

Hearing enough, and refusing to show any emotions, I snatch my arm from her and head for the door, looking back for what could be considered the last time.

Fuck love. I've never felt it, and damn sure don't plan to give it to someone. Being raised in these streets taught me two things. 1. All you got in life is your self. All that 'love' bullshit is for the birds. 2. Never put a muthafucka' before your self, and your paper. Allowing yourself to get caught up in shit other than getting to this money, and taking care of yourself, can lead to a sad, worthless life full of despair. I don't have time for that, so for now, it's fuck everybody.

Not really in the mood to finish the blunt, after putting it out in the bronze astray that sat upon my mahogany living room table, I grabbed my silver iPhone 6 out of my basketball shorts pocket, and dialed up my best friend Genesis to see what she was getting into today.

After the phone rang three times, my ears filled with the ebullient voice of Genesis.

"Hey best friend!".

Unaware of what happened today between me and Jhene, I tried to disguise the sadness in my voice by chuckling.

"Hey best friend. What you up to today?"

"Nothing really, just helping Matthew organize these pictures right quick. Why what's up?"

"You want to go get some drinks with me tonight? Maybe go check out that new lounge that just opened on Maine St.?"

"Girl you know I'm down. Just let me finish up with Matthew, then I'll meet you at your house at 8, then we can go from there."

"Coo, coo. Well I'ma let you go while I take a quick nap, so I can be energized for tonight."

"Alright best bitch, see you later"

"Alright, bye."

Ending the call, glancing at the clock on the wall that read 5:43. Deciding to wake up around 7:00 to get ready for tonight, my eyes became heavy, not to long after, I drifted off to sleep.

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