I take in a deep breath before my hand hovers over his apartment door. Alexander told me to be camera ready when I came by today, sending me his address. I want to say I didn't run here, but that would be a lie.
I run my ass off, and believe me when I say this because I never run.
Since the meeting, our texts have been mostly about the collab. About what we can do together that is both appealing to the viewers as to us. Eventually, he came up with the idea that we should play with brushes on the mic because that seems to ease the viewers a lot. I accepted it right away, most of my videos are either whispering or food, but that's me being lazy and hungry.
He opens the door and a smile enlightens Alexander's face when his eyes meet mine. Dressing casual with a pair of loose slacks and a shirt that resembles the sky on a summer day, the website star stands at his door.
More like a Greek God, but that's me being subjective.
"Welcome," he speaks, stepping aside so that I can enter.
I give him a nervous smile, realizing I haven't done this for a while. Not the sex, I had that a few days ago with Justin, but the being alone with a guy who isn't my friend. A guy I have a crush on. But let's not focus on that, it's not like something will come out of this. I haven't been in a serious relationship since Justin; there's a reason why they all fail.
One guy actually told me I'm insatiable, and I can never have enough of anything in my life. He also mentioned I was rather clingy. Go figure. I blame Justin for that.
Maybe I should stop watching Alexander online, that would help to end this delusional thought I have that I know the man. As he walks me to the living room, I start to have a notion of his place. My entire apartment could fit in his living room, but then again, Alexander has been on the website for more than a year now. He is the biggest star there.
The house is exquisite, the furniture seems pricey and Alexander has a few art pieces on the walls. He sure has an classy taste. It gives me the feeling he has this sweet soul; something turned to arts. As if he expresses his emotions and love through his house. He watches me, leaning against the wall without saying a word.
"I like your place."
"Thank you," he replies, smiling. "Please sit."
I am used to going live, being there almost every day helps ease my nerves in front of the camera. I'm used to it alone. Not at someone's place, not with someone that can be just intimidating as Alexander is.
He follows me to his sofa, sitting by my side, close. Close enough I can smell him, a mix of musk and wooden scents remain around me, and I stop myself when I realize I'm leaning towards him.
"Do you want to drink anything?" He asks, making me stop daydreaming.
I watch him go to the counter on his open kitchen, and by watching I mean with hawk eyes I stare at him. There's no wrong angle about the man. From his eyes, to his kneecaps, I could stare all day.
Ok, now I'm just being creepy.
Alexander comes back with a cup of water for each one of us, and I take a nervous sip on mine. This isn't me. Definitely, it's not the same person who can be so confident around a man.
"I have a few rules I would like for us to follow." He says, shifting on the sofa to face me.
I nod at him. Seems only natural for him to have rules, this was never done. There were never two different channels broadcasting together, and it's better to have something we can follow.
"First, nothing sex-related. That involves kissing and touching inappropriately. Teasing talk is fine because the viewers seem to like that-"
These are not the rules I was waiting for. Sure, I know he doesn't do sex stuff, he mentioned it on his channel before. He teases and he flirts a lot, but sex is something out of the picture for him there. But was I expecting they were out of the window for me?
"Alexander we are doing ASMR, I can guarantee you sex won't be involved," I answer, quirking up a brow.
He lets his head fall, chuckling at me. The sound of his laughter relaxes me a little; it's like he is a different person. The one talking to me is sweet, he still has this aura around him, but it's not as intense as the one in front of the camera at night.
The guy he is in front of the camera steals your attention from the rest of the world.
"Fair enough. I was just-"
His words come to a halt when he lifts his head. Alexander's eyes speak, but no sound comes out of his lips. He stares at me, in a way that would make another girl ready on her knees — another girl who hasn't already agreed with his rules.
There's something about him, something I can't put my finger on. Maybe it's the way he lets his stare linger; perhaps it's because I can't seem to look away. Or it can even be the fact that I like surprising him by saying what I think. Whatever it is, it has me scolding myself for being in this situation.
"So do you want to see where we are shooting?"
I nod at him as we both stand from the sofa. Alexander leads the way through his corridor, opening one of the doors and entering inside the room. I recognize it right away, yes, I spend way too much time on that website.
The light grey walls that cover two parts of the room opening to a lighter side, velvet curtains imitating a dark night hang on the window, opening the place to a matching carpet. Alexander has a sofa with his laptop and camera set on a coffee table in front of it, and a desk at the corner, probably where he does the rest of his work. This looks professional, and now I'm starting to doubt if I shouldn't take my videos a little more seriously.
"This is my, let's call it a studio," he speaks gesturing. "This is where we will shoot."