So you just stop replying?
Nic you better reply I swear
I’m getting worried
For the love of God, I need to stop this. Justin has a hard time with the word no, and although it won’t ever happen again I do need to let him down easy.
Just as I need to clear my head since I haven’t talked to Alexander for days now and my body seems to be reacting. I went on his channel last night to see an old video, and what did I gain with that? A wet dream.
Yes, it’s my fault. I know.
But now I’m at the office and the patient, a woman in her mid-thirties is telling me all about how her husband doesn’t please her as she wants. How he seems to be afraid that if they have sex, she will get pregnant again.
Birth control doesn’t seem to work on the woman as they have five kids already.
“Dr., Are you okay?”
The patient’s voice startles me, and I come down to Earth again.
“I’m sorry Mrs. Lee, you were saying?”
She quirks up a brow, staring oddly at me. My first day alone doing consults and I can’t take the damn cam boy out of my brain: him, his lips, his hands, his mouth, his ass.
Fuck, how can I be going on a drought if it’s been a week since we had sex, I saw him last Saturday. Well, we fought but still.
Truth be told I do miss his touch. The way his lips would graze my skin touching my collarbone and sucking on-
The patient is looking at me again. Act professional, Nicole.
“I was saying my husband wants to have sex with me but seems to be afraid of it.”
“I can’t blame him, but have you considered using a condom?”
Her eyebrows shoot up, and I seem to have touched a sensitive topic. For fuck’s sake, are they going to live without having sex? Is that even an option?
“He doesn’t enjoy wearing them,” she whispers.
“And you react badly on the pill?”
The woman nods at me. This makes it harder, though, something her husband doesn’t seem to be lately. Oh, the puns I could do.
“How long has it been since you had sex? Or been intimate at all?” I ask the question, and she goes stiff.
Well, someone isn’t used to talking about sex and although I’m not a sex therapist, I am her Dr. after all. These questions need to be asked, plus I’m curious.
“S- seven months since we tried something in the bed.”
The bed, I almost laugh. The best sex I had so far was the one we didn’t reach the bed. Shit, I’m thinking about Alexander again. I dare someone to blame me about it, when I say it was good is an understatement.
“And how does that make you feel?”
Well, here it is, now I know what to work on.
“Mrs. Lee,” I say, putting my notebook down and leaning forward, “why don’t you initiate the physical contact?”
“Can I do that?” She asks, unsure.
“You should,” I reply louder than intended. “Mrs. Lee he is your husband, after all, he should be pleasing you.”
The woman seems to deliberate my words laying back against the sofa. She crosses one leg over the other and furrows her brows staring at the floor. Now that she doubts the topic, I know there will be development.
Most of the patients Jackson handed to me are women. So far, this is the third one; besides her I only have one guy still coming in today, all I know is that he is my age and is very insecure.
“I can try,” she finally says, and I glance at the clock on the wall behind her.
“Please do,” I speak, standing up from my chair. “I will see you again next week?”
Opening the door to her, I shake her hand with a smile. This wasn’t that bad, I mean if I can help someone to get lucky I will be happy. I watch her leave when a smiling Jackson walks by.
“How did it go?” He asks, excited, and motioning me to enter the office.
“Very well, her case is interesting.”
“I knew you would like it.”
Jackson walks to the chair in front of my desk and sits there. The small gap we have between appointments are nice; there is almost always time to chat. This is the most carefree place I ever worked, and so far I am enjoying it.
He even let me decorate my office, so I went in all white furniture with small decors in gold and turquoise hints. My desk turned to the door, and in front of it there’s an armchair for me and a small sofa for the patients. Jackson picks up the small iron statue in the shape of a bird at my desk, studying it.
“Your taste is interesting, Nicole,” he says, glancing around. “After reading your résumé I can see why you chose some of the pieces in here.”
Freaking therapists and their sense of understanding.
“Yes,” he says, gesturing the statue. “For example you have a painting and a statue of a bird with its wings stretched, meaning you need to feel free.”
He has a point here, I’m not going to lie. Why I’m being analyzed, I have no idea. Jackson seems to be one of those people who likes to understand everything.
“Okay, what else?”
“The simplicity of the colors give a hint of your personality. You are a straightforward person who doesn’t like to hide what she thinks.”
“I would love to hide my thoughts right now.”
Oh fuck, I just spoke out loud. My ears start to burn as I can feel my cheeks getting hot. Jackson furrows his brows, making sense of what I just said.
“I’m sorry, that wasn’t meant to be heard. I can’t to hold my tongue inside my mouth these days.”
“Nicole, you can talk to me,” he says putting the statue on the desk again.
Can I? He is my boss; after all, there should be something separating my personal life and my work life. Something that doesn’t seem to make sense to me at the moment.
“I fought with someone I care about. He lied to me an-”
“He? As in your boyfriend?”
I shake my head quickly at him as Jackson moves on the chair.
“No, he’s not my boyfriend. I mean, we were getting there, but then I found out he lied to me.”
“May I ask the depth of the lie?”
“Very deep. He could have told me the truth, but he chose not to.”
My boss studies the situation; I can see as he bites the inside of his cheek before inhaling deeply.
“Well, there goes my chances to ask you out,” he says with a chuckle, and I widen my eyes. “No, don’t get me wrong. You are a very, very attractive woman Nicole and smart at that.”
“Uh, thank you.”
Why did he have to say that? Probably things will get weird now. Jackson leans forward, his eyes stay on me, and he rests his elbows on his legs.
“This guy seems to be important to you, or else, by what I know from your personality, you wouldn’t even be considering speaking to him again.”
“Then give him a chance. Talk to him about the lie, how it made you feel. You’re a therapist listening and talking is what you do.”
I hate it when people are right. He has a point, and it’s been days since the fight. I do miss him more than I ever did with anyone else I dated. The only one who compared to this was Justin, but that was a long relationship, filled with ups and downs.
This was, I don’t even know what it was, but I was deep into it.
“Great,” he replies with a smile standing up.
Jackson walks to the door before glancing at me once again.
“You don’t have any single friends I could meet, do you?”
He smiles, and I do the same. Conversations with him are easy; there’s no hiding what to say as we can be direct with each other, I like him.
“Does it show?” He says before letting a sigh slide by his lips. “Guess I will wait a little longer for Miss right.”
Jackson leaves as I pick up the next patient’s folder. But my mind isn’t there as I stare at the letters. The words don’t make sense because to me, all I can focus is on the phone lying on my desk. Giving up work for five minutes I decide its time.
Hi, are you free tomorrow night?
Can you drop by my house so we can talk?
Is 7pm okay for you?
Yes, thank you
I miss you
I miss you too
But I’m still upset Alex
My heart starts to beat faster, and I can’t help to feel happy. He misses me. Now I will make him work for it. With a smile I am ready to put the phone back on the table, but it rings, startling me and I almost drop the device.
“Hi,” I say quickly staring at the clock. “You have five minutes Justin.”
“Sorry, I know you’re working and all, but I had to call.”
Justin’s voice seems distant, his words coming out all hurried.
A sigh and then silence. Why do I have a soft spot for him?
“I miss you, Nicole, I haven’t been with anyone since last time. Do you think you can meet me tonight? Or tomorrow?”
“Justin, no. I told you already I can’t.”
Short and simple, that’s how I make Justin realize things. But this time he seems to be having a hard time getting his mind around it.
“I have been busy Justin, and when I arrive home I’m tired.”
What the hell does he mean with that’s all? Is Justin aware of something? Is he aware of Alexander?
“Yes,” I say, dryly. “I’m sorry Justin, I need to go. I’ll call you ok? I need to talk to you.”
He starts to speak, but the patient knocks on the door, and I end the call. Maybe he will understand, maybe not. The truth is that I can’t deal with that now. Not until I have dealt with the main topic that is tormenting my heart now.
The guy peeks inside the office, and I smile at him. He isn’t very tall, about Layla’s height, still taller than me. Dark chocolate hair, a bottom puffy lip contra stating with a thinner one, his eyes are blue, resembling the ocean. He’s beautiful. See, this is what droughts do to me. I stare.
“Hi Jaiden,” I say, standing up and walking to greet him. “I’m Nicole.”