My body hurts from the night as I lay in his arms. My back against his chest, I listen to Alexander breathing, sleeping peacefully.
The words came out of his mouth when I wasn’t expecting them, and I wasn’t able to say anything else. All I could do is smile. The emotion is something strange for me. The only one for whom I ever felt this way was Justin.
But we were young; we were stupid and hormonal. Well more than now. It was love. I do not doubt that, but why do my feelings for Alexander seem so different? Why do I feel like I can tell him how my heart beats faster when his eyes drift on mine?
I love him, I do, but unfortunately I’m scared as hell about it.
Afraid to lose myself in him, because I feel I could do that. But not enough to let go of him. What if I get my heart broken again? I move agitated on the bed, uncertain if I should or not have told him my feelings. Now it will feel weird if I say them out of the blue.
“Why are you already awake?”
His groggy voice sounds in my ear as Alexander speaks, and I snap my head at him. His arms circle me tighter, pressing me against him as he nuzzles his nose on the crook of my neck.
“I couldn’t sleep any longer.”
“Fine,” he says, pecking my cheek. “But stop moving your ass so much; it’s morning and I am already hard, you’re not helping.”
I can feel his lips forming a smirk before he places a peck on my bare shoulder. It’s then that in a wimp I turn around and Alexander pops his eyes open. The smug smirk on his lips fades away, and he looks at me startled.
“I love you.”
There, I said it. It’s weird, but I needed to tell him the words out loud. Alexander’s eyes crinkle before he leans closer letting his lips rest on mine.
“I know,” he whispers before kissing them and claiming them as his.
His lips move slowly with mine, Alexander’s knee parts my legs, and I throw my head back when feeling his mouth lowering to my neck. He wasn’t lying; I can feel him hard against my skin, the fact that both of us are already naked isn’t helping at all. I wasn’t going to put clothes on if he was going to keep taking them.
“Now,” he says, grabbing my leg and throwing it over his waist, “let me show how I feel for you.”
He slides inside of me, ever so slowly as I moan out loud his name into his mouth, grasping my nails on his arm. Love, that’s how this feels. To be loved by someone, because it’s not only how he can make my body feel hot against his or having me dripping with just his fingertips.
It’s him, the way he makes me feel whole and blessed. The way his eyes stare at me as if nothing else in the world is important. I know it because that’s how I stare at him for the last few days. I see only him.
The only man that can have me in more ways than one.
The slow moves Alexander makes with his hips have my body bumping with his every time he thrusts. My hands are sliding between his red locks, the color now fading as I can see hints of pink, and Alexander kisses my neck, pulling me closer to him.
I see it in his eyes when he places me on my back against the bed and locks our hands over my head. I feel loved by the kiss we share before his name is coming out of my mouth. It’s love, messy and troubling love that makes my soul ache for him. I see it in every way his lips search for the words on mine, or how he smiles when I throw both my legs around him, pulling him down to me as I whisper the words in his ear.
“I love you.”
Alexander smiles, his eyes on me leaning closer as my walls tighten around him.
“I love you,” he mumbles to my lips while reaching his climax, and both of us surrender to each other.
Love, the confused feeling that can make hearts go crazy. That can make us react without thinking, going crazy, and hormonal.
Mondays should be forbidden; I can’t focus on work today. The weekend was better than any other day in my life. The party, the sex, the morning after, the sex in the morning, getting back home, whimpering for Alexander again, spending two whole days together.
Did I mention the sex?
It was that amazing. But unfortunately I need to work because my channel doesn’t pay my bills, and lately I haven’t done many lives.
For some reason, most clients Jackson handed me are somehow related to sex. Women that are not pleased with their partners, one that thinks she might be gay. But then there’s Jaiden. He is a serious case, the patient that is going to apply for surgery. He’s so brave.
I put all the folders inside the desk drawer, and once someone knocks on my door, I lift my head.
I listen to his footsteps, watching as my boyfriend approaches my desk and leans over it to kiss my lips.
“Ready for lunch?”
Nodding at him, I stand up, knowing very well Alexander is undressing me with his eyes. I am wearing this pencil skirt for a reason. The reason being I want to tease him as we go to have lunch with Layla.
Glex runts as I walk towards him and grab his hand.
“One of these days, I’m going to make you beg for me on that desk,” he whispers in my ear as I lock the door.
“Promise?” I ask, daring him with my eyes before resuming the walk out of the building.
“You’re testing me, little vixen,” he warns me. “Don’t start something you’re not ready to finish.”
The short walk to the restaurant is full of laughs and some promises of a day where I won’t be able to run away from Alexander in my office.
Not that I want to.
Today I’m introducing Alexander to Layla, while meeting Layla’s girlfriend as well. I’ve wanted to meet her for the entire week. I feel Alexander’s hand sliding on my waist as our eyes search for Layla at the tables.
“There she is,” I say, pointing at a table on the other side of the room.
A girl is with her back to us. Layla smiles at her. My friend’s eyes disappearing into crescents as she grabs the other ones hand over the table placing soft kisses on it. She is so in love. Layla sees us, saying something to the girl before standing up.
“Hi,” she speaks, hugging me and then stepping aside to extend her arms to Alexander.
“Hi,” Alexander replies, using the deepness of his voice trying to seem serious.
My hand slaps his chest warning him to behave, which makes him grin at me. Jia stands up, her eyes on the floor before Layla introduces her to us. Alexander and I smile at her, but when she sees me, her eyes widen.
I think I know her.
Her face seems familiar, but I try to brush it off. Maybe she lives nearby, and I walked past her in the morning. Maybe she goes to a cafe near the office? I know I’ve seen her before. We sit, Alexander next to me and across from Layla while Jia is in front of me.
“So Alexander,” Layla says, beaming, “you finally tamed the beast.”
My eyes roll so hard that I am afraid people hear it.
“Behave,” I warn her, “I have a lot of stories about you.”
My hand grabs the glass of water, and I take it to my lips staring at my best friend. She straightens himself on the chair; her eyes come to me before she speaks.
“As I have yours. I’m sure Alexander would love to know them.”
“Oh, I would,” the latter says smiling brightly and staring at me. “Can you share a few?”
“Sure. There was this party during college where-”
“Jia,” I speak, trying to stop Layla from saying how I ended up in my underwear at someone else’s pool. “What do you do?”
The shy girl glances at my best friend, and I see as she takes her hand giving her the strength to speak.
“I work at a clothing store,” Jia says. “It’s not very interesting, but it pays the bills.”
Her eyes focus on anything but me. The girl isn’t confident at all. Either that or she seems to be intimidated by us. Could that be it? Maybe it’s Alexander. She was his viewer as well, so it might be that.
Lunch goes smoothly, that is until Layla decides to tease me and ends up telling Alexander about one time I got drunk and decided I was going to take an Uber home. The Uber not being an uber but someone’s car that I decided to enter.
Why did I start this?
The two of them exchange numbers, Alexander happy as ever because of that. I am regretting this decision already. It’s when we stand up ready to part ways as I need to go back to the office that I have the feeling once again, I know Jia.
But from where?
“Everything ok?” Alexander asks while we walk towards the building.
“Yes, it’s fine. I just have this weird feeling about her.”
“You didn’t like her?”
He frowns as we step inside the office, and I unlock my door. Alexander lets me pass, closing it behind him while I walk towards the desk.
“No, I liked her. I feel like I know her from somewhere else, but I can’t pinpoint where.”
He walks towards me, glancing at the clock and sighing once, seeing we only have two minutes more together before my afternoon starts.
“I have to go gorgeous, have a meeting in na hour across town” he says, leaning and pecking my lips. “I’m sure you just bumped into Jia before.”
“Yeah,” I mumble. “Probably.”
Alexander leaves and I stay alone in the office. I am trying to focus on something else other than the girl so I take the patient’s folders out of the drawer. I only have two appointments before I can go home.
The one on top is Jaiden, she isn’t coming today, but I’ve been working on her case as I need to write a letter to her doctor saying she is psychological ready for surgery. My eyes drift on the folder, lingering in his photo, and that’s when I realize from where I know Jia.
She is Jaiden, dressed as her true self, with the name she identifies and will take soon when the surgery is complete.