The S Word

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My question makes him sigh and run a hand through his dark locks out of frustration. Alexander stares at me; his eyes pierce mine as I try to reason with myself that this is stress. That it finally caught up to him, and now he is taking it out on me. But let’s face it; I’m not that type of woman. The type to make excuses for the man that’s with her no matter how much I love him.

“Why does he have to be around, Nicole?” He speaks louder, and my brow shoots up. “Why do you keep him in your life if he’s an ignorant asshole who mistreats you?”

“You’re not being fair, Alex.”

He snorts, standing up and staring at the door behind me. I get it; he’s upset, I am too. Justin has no right to keep coming and interfering in my life, but it’s not something I allow him to do.

Not when I keep making my point being heard.

“Neither are you.”

If we keep this up, it won’t end well. I try to be an adult and ponder what to do, and there’s only one option right now.

“Alexander, I don’t think it’s the time to talk about this.” I turn around, not willing to have this conversation, and rush to my bedroom, getting a hold of the bag and staring at it.

It was a long day, and things were finally starting to turn minutes ago; we were about to leave for his place, and now I’m not even sure if that’s still going to happen. We had fights before, small things, insignificant things that we can brush off, admitting we are wrong.

But this? How can I ignore that I literally threw Justin out of my house, that I told him a week ago I couldn’t have him in my life, and still Alexander doesn’t think it’s enough? He is right in a way; I know that. But I’m too upset and moody right now to let his ego rise if I admit that. It was a long day for me.

If he is stressed, so am I. This situation affected both of us, and I’m the one receiving the hate. The death threats. The phone calls from people insulting me because we are together.

I pick up the bag and throw it on the floor. I’m not going with him tonight. Instead, when I turn, I get a glimpse of the dark street outside. The cold autumn night can be seen as a few red leaves swirl in the air before disappearing. The lights from the cars outside resembling the stars of a clouded sky that is like me right now, filled with clouds that threaten to pour heavy rain.

His reflection appears standing at the door, staring at me and waiting for me to speak. Alexander’s eyes are dark, filled with so many emotions that I could get lost in them. I always get lost in them. In the way, his stare makes me feel loved even when we only share a glance. When his fingertips touch me, and all I feel is the way he cares for me.

But that’s not how he looks at me right now. That’s not how I feel as his chocolate eyes wait for me to speak, annoyed when I don’t. Alexander notices the bag on the floor as I walk past him into my bathroom. He scoffs, sliding his hands in his pockets and following me with his stare.

I turn the hot water on, so hot it will burn my skin, but I need to relax. I need to let the water clean away the anger I have built up inside of me. Or I will fight with the man I love, and I can be rather unfair.

“So you’re not talking to me; that’s it?”

Making my point obvious, I look at him over my shoulder but don’t open my mouth. My hands lift my shirt over my head, and Alexander leans against the bathroom door, seeming more pissed than ever.

“Is this how it’s going to be, Nicole? Are you not even coming with me anymore? That guy sure can mess up with your head.” His voice sounds like an accusation, and I finally snap.

“Are you so insecure you can’t deal with my stupid ex being unable to control his emotions?”

My feet twirl me around, and Alexander runs his tongue inside his cheek. His eyes glare at me as the bathroom starts to fill with fog from the hot water, and I stay in place.

“Me insecure?”

“Yes, you. The great Alexander, who can be so sure of himself, is acting like some insecure boyfriend who doesn’t even allow his girlfriend to-”

“Exactly MY girlfriend,” he interrupts, raising his voice and walking towards me. “Mine, not his.”

Our eyes meet, but tonight they don’t share the usual emotions in them. Instead, they silently fight as I try to keep my mouth shut and don’t say anything I can’t take back. No matter how much I want to tell him to shove it right now.

“Would me kicking Justin out of my life definitely make you feel better? Would it not bruise your ego anymore?”

“My ego isn’t bruised, Nicole.”

He walks the only step needed to stare down at me, trying to intimidate me with his eyes, but I don’t move from my spot. I won’t let him see he affects me in any way, good or bad. His breathing fans against my skin, sending shivers down my spine, and I catch as his jaw clenches. He lets his eyes drift from mine to my lips as I bite them in an attempt to keep my mouth shut.

I can’t put into words what his eyes do to me. Even now, as we fight, the way they slowly raise from my lips is doing things to my body. Things I’m too angry to tell him about.

“I’m not your property, Alexander.”

“I beg to differ. You’re my girlfriend-”

“But you don’t own me; just because I’m your sub in bed doesn’t mean you can have a say in what I do or don’t do. You don’t run my life, and you don’t affect me as much as you think.”

He leans forward, and I take a step back as he corners me against the tile wall. I swallow hard, catching as he smirks. His lips tickle against mine as he exhales a long deep breath before speaking.

“Says who? You sure seem desperate right now for me to touch you. For me to have my way with your body,” he brushes his fingers on my arm, letting them travel to the hem of my pants. With his eyes locked on mine, Alexander slides one finger inside my underwear, and I scold myself for being so wet already. “You’re sure about what you’re saying?”

I push him aside, listening to a deep chuckle before stepping out of my clothes and into the shower. I need to wash off, to stop this fight in some way. In my past relationship, we would stay mad for days, not speaking, or having sex because of it. Alexander, however, seems to think differently as he opens the door of the shower and walks inside.

He towers over me, shielding me from the hot water and letting his lips drag across my ear.

“You’re mine, little vixen, just as much as I am yours.”

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