The S Word

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“Do you want me to pick it up?” Alexander asks, listening to my phone, going off for the third time.

It’s our last day at Tyler’s place, we have been here for a week, and it feels right to go back now. Although the police don’t have any new leads, we can’t stay here forever.

“There’s no need to; I will handle Justin when we go back, ” is my reply, blocking his number.

Alexander sighs but smiles nevertheless. His arm comes around me, pulling our bodies closer as we stay side by side, staring at the lake behind the house. The sun is setting, gracing the water with its last rays and taking the golden warmth of the autumn day away, giving space to the cold night.

“We should go back inside,” he whispers into my ear, and I nod.

“Just five more minutes. I want to remember this place.”

“We can come back whenever we want gorgeous; I’m sure Tyler won’t-”

“No, it’s not that,” I say, interrupting him. “I want to remember this moment. You and me together, when nothing can come in between us. I want to remember how much I love you right now before we go back tomorrow, and things get chaotic again.”

Alexander’s hand comes to cup my face and forces me to look at him. His eyes observe the way mine speak while my lips stay silent. The man I love leans forward and presses his lips against mine into a loving kiss.

“Then let’s make it perfect,” he speaks into my lips, laying me on the grass. His kiss turns deeper, lips searching for sounds of approval as he kisses down my neck, and his hands grasp on my sides.

He hovers over me; slowly, his hands easily pull my pants down just enough as I do the same to him. Alexander covers me from the cold, thrusting slowly into me while we kiss. While our fingers interlock and our eyes don’t break apart from each other.

The wind twirls around our bodies, and I arch my back when he hits the perfect spot. Moaning his name onto his lips and feeling him smile through the kiss. There’s no sound around us, nothing but our breathing and the small splashes of the water slowly reaching the rocks.

Nothing but the way he says I love you when feeling I am close to my releasing point.

It’s just us, the two of us, and it will stay that way.

“I love you,” I say before seeing him blissfully hitting his orgasm.

I love him, and I will make sure nothing comes between that.

“Nicole, if you keep forcing me to park the car for a making out or a quickie, we won’t get home today,” he says, smiling feeling my hand drifting to the inside of his thigh.

“Who says you have to stop the car?”

Ok, so maybe I’m stalling because I don’t want to get home, I don’t. I don’t want to be alone in my apartment again. Knowing she was, there is making my skin itchy, but I also don’t want to ask Alexander to stay at his place. The option here is to start looking for a house.

But since I’m unemployed, I can’t do that.

Dear God, if I catch this girl, I’m slapping her so hard. Alexander’s hand grabs mine, and he chuckles before pressing his lips on my palm. He then rests it on his leg in a way to stop me from going for the third time since we started the travel back home.

Not stopping for sex, we arrive before I want to. Alexander takes my suitcase from the back of the car and frowns. He doesn’t say anything; I can see as he is lost in thinking. I want to ask what’s on his mind, what’s worrying him, but I’m afraid the answer will be me. So I keep quiet as we walk the stairs to my apartment.

When I open the door, the place smells as if it has been closed for a month instead of a week. To be honest, I haven’t spent a lot of time here lately, and as time passes, I want to spend less every day. Alexander stays in the living room while I walk to the bedroom and place the suitcase on the bed.

I can unpack later, all I want now is to enjoy the last minutes before my boyfriend leaves and I stay alone in this place. A place I once loved and someone took that from me.

“Thank you,” I mumble into his chest as his arms come around me.

“What for?”

“Getting away from here, for taking care of me.”

I never thought I needed someone to help me deal with my life until he appeared. Alexander made his way into my heart, and all I want is for him to stay in it. My last relationships, whenever the guy tried to do things for me, I never allowed him to. It was usual for me to do everything by myself.

But not with him. Not with Alexander.

Oh, God, I’m too soft.

I prefer to listen to his opinion before we make a decision. To know what he thinks and then proceed with the plan. His lips rest on my forehead before my boyfriend looks down at me.

“I just wish I could do more, gorgeous,” he speaks, kissing the tip of my nose and then my lips.

Alexander sighs, glancing around the room; he finally stares at the hallway before his eyes fall on me again.

“I don’t like leaving you here alone. Come to my place for a few more days we-”

“Alex, that’s not a solution. We don’t know when she will get arrested or even if she will get arrested.”

He lets go of a deep breath, resting his forehead on mine. His thumb caresses my cheek while a small yet lovable kiss is shared between us.

“I don’t want you to stay alone in this place; maybe I can stay-”

“No matter how much I would love to have you around, we both know you need to be in your own house because of work.”

There’s no perfect solution here. He can’t stay, and I don’t want to be a burden and stay at his place again. His grip tightens around me while he cups my face and stares seriously into my eyes.

He doesn’t speak, letting his gaze linger on mine before parting his lips and almost whispering the words.

“Then, move in with me.”

What now? He can’t be serious. We have only been dating for three months; it’s too soon. It’s too rushed. I question myself if he is saying this out of worry, and I search for that answer in his eyes when he speaks again.

“I know, it’s crazy, but we have been together every day over the last two weeks, Nicole. I love you, I want to be with you, and what if it’s too soon?”


“We never did things the normal way. We always say fuck it to whatever others think.”

He is right, and my heart beats crazily against my chest, knowing it. He isn’t saying it just because of what happened; he seems to have thought about this before. I want to accept it, but I also don’t want to do it because I need it. I want to accept moving in with him because I want to be in his life every day.

I want him; I want this.



His lips meet mine into a feverish kiss, and we giggle happily before Alexander guides us to my bedroom. To make love to me for the last time on this apartment before I close that door behind us for good.

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