Chapter 35 [Part 1]
I’ve blown it, I know I have. I’ve lost my wife for good. There’s nothing I can do. It’s my own fault, I should have been more understanding. Sienna thought her Dad was dying, if he wasn’t then she never would have strung me along. She would have refused to marry me and would have told me so. I should have believed her not ran away.
I stayed at the hotel until my stay was over before returning home. An empty home. It didn’t feel like home without my darling wife there. It felt like a stranger’s home and I didn’t want to be there.
For a few days, I stayed locked up in my bedroom willowing in self pity and heart ache. I didn’t leave the room unless I had to eat or use the bathroom, I didn’t even think about going to work. Dad kept calling me but I didn’t answer. He left voicemails everyday sounding more and more worried. I didn’t know what to say to him and didn’t want to hear the pity in his voice when I told him what happened so I avoided answering his calls.
One day, I’d had enough. I decided to go out to a club, alone. I had drink after drink without a thought to anyone around me or how much I was drinking or what I was drinking. I just wanted to drink and forget my heartbreak. I wasn’t the type to drink, I hated drinking. All drinks tasted vile like vinegar but if it would make me forget then I would make an exception.
When I was completely wasted, the barman wouldn’t serve me anymore so I went to the store and brought two bottles of vodka before heading home. I chugged down both bottles one after the other and by the end of it, I was unconscious with no idea of what was happening. I was long gone. I’d lost everything, I no longer had the will to live and so I let the darkness consume me.