“What? No. No I didn’t FAIL. I just….I just ran out of money. No! I don’t want to come home. I can’t. You said I have three years then If nothing happens I have to come home. Oh also could you maybe transfer a hundred dollars over to my account? Yes I know but I also need to pay my rent. I’m GOING to get back on my feet I promise. I saw an ad for a modeling gig and I have an interview tomorrow. Yeah I’ll let you know how it goes. Well I gotta go. I love you too. Bye mom.”
* * *
One year later
It's officially been one year since my last audition and I have to admit it does make me a little sad. I remember it was for that movie Lady Bird. I thought I did so well but I always think I do well and then my hopes and dreams are shattered again. Some days I just sit and think. What if I had gotten to be Lady Bird? That movie won many awards. I would be famous and wealthy and be able to have a selection galore of movies I’d like to be in. Directors and producers would be coming to me on their hands and knees begging me to be the star of their movies. Oh how the tables would have turned. But I didn't get the part. I didn't. And I’m just going to have to deal with it.
I roll over to my side to look at the time. I’ve been laying here for a while and my alarm still hasn't gone off. I perch my glasses on my nose and pull the clock towards me and squint at the numbers.
CRAP! It was five past ten.
I could have sworn I set my alarm last night. I pressed the button on the side of the alarm to see what time I set it for.
Great. Set it to PM Again.
I throw my covers off me and race towards my drawer. I grab the closet shirt and shorts to me and quickly put them on. I sprint to my bathroom and brush my teeth as fast as I ever have and put on a little bit of mascara and blush and leave my hair as is- a rats nest. But i can fix that once I’m at work.
I slip on my crocs, grab my keys and run down the stairs of my apartment, jump in my car and speed to work.
I’ve been late THREE days in a row now.
I’ll be surprised if they dont fire me at this point.
I arrive at 10:20 and groan as I see Sally, the person who runs this whole thing, walking towards my car. I roll the window down and she immediately starts spitting various insults and curses in my face.
“DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU?! WE WERE SUPPOSED TO START AN HOUR AGO!!” She yells.
“I’m sorry. I-I overslept,” I stammer. Omg, you’re 19 but you still get nervous and scared when people yell at you. I really hate you sometimes Karoline.
“YOU'VE OVERSLEPT FOR THE LAST FOUR DAYS! IM TELLING YOU KAROLINE, IF IT HAPPENS AGAIN YOU'RE DONE!” She turns on her heel and walks back into the studio.
I take a deep breath and open my car door and walk towards the studio.
It's okay. She treats everyone like this.
No. you're just lying to yourself. She only treats you like this. They ALL treat you like this.
Well it's the only job you have so you're just gonna have to deal with it.
I've been working for Sallys Clothing for about a year. It's an online store that I model for. Basically they take pictures of me in the clothes they're selling and put the pictures on their website. It doesn't pay much but it pays enough to keep living in New York. I don't know why but no one in the crew never really liked me. I’m more shy than the other models and I don't think they like that very much but other than that I have absolutely no idea why they wouldn’t like me. I mean I think I’m a pretty nice person.
Oh well. I guess I’ll never know.
“KAROLINE! GET OVER HERE!” my thoughts are interrupted by the familiar screams of Sally and I speed walk over to her office. George, the makeup and hair guy is inside with her.
“Go with George. He’ll get you ready today. Here's what you're wearing for today's shoot.” She hands me a paper bag with some swimsuits inside. I pull one out and examine it for a minute and I feel my cheeks start to get hot.
There is no way I’m wearing this.
What, Karoline. What in the world do you need.” Her face is filled with annoyance and I dare to say what comes out of my mouth next.
“Well, don't you think these are a bit, um- small?” I stammer.
“Karoline. Listen here and listen well. I couldn't give a dime if it was small or not. If you don't put that swimsuit on, you'll be out of here before you can say the word small again, okay?” She stares me dead in the eye and I try to hold back the tears that I feel welling in my eyes.
“Yes ma’am,” I choke out. I take the bag and walk out the door, George following close behind me.
“I’m really sorry about that Karoline. She is pretty mean isn't she,” George says once we reach my dressing room.
“Mean is an understatement,” I grimace.
George is the only one who likes me. We dated for a few weeks but we both lost feelings. Now we're just really close friends. He's always been there for me and he's kind of like a brother to me.
Boyfriend to brother, now THAT'S something you don't hear everyday.
I change into the first swimsuit and immediately throw my robe on. I didn't want to look at myself in this tiny thing. It looked more like lingerie than a swimsuit. I mean it probably wasn't as bad as i thought it was but I've always been super insecure about my body.
George and I chat while he does my hair and makeup and in about twenty minutes he's finished and I have to take the robe off. I stare at myself in the mirror for a minute and I feel like throwing up, I'm so nervous. I look at George for reassurance.
I know he can tell I’m nervous, I see the concerned look in his eyes. Sometimes I don't understand how we lost feelings for each other. I thought we were meant to be but I guess we're just better as friends.
“Hey. It's okay,” He rubs my arm and turns me to face him,“It’ll be over before you know it. And may i say you can rock a bikini.”
“You're such a dork,” I slap him playfully but pull him into a hug.
“Thank you for always being there for me,” I whisper in his ear.
“Always,” He kisses the top of my forehead and pulls away from me.
I like our relationship. Just a sweet friendship. And I think that's the way that it's supposed to be and I am completely fine with that.
He opens the dressing room door for me and I scuffle out, dragging my feet and walking as slowly as I can to the Big Room.
I never really knew what to call the room we take the pictures in so I've always just called it the big room. As soon as I enter Sally pulls me over to the photographer Devon and he starts to position me for the pictures.
I’m very tense at first but every now and then I’ll look at George and He’ll give me a thumbs up or make a funny face and that always makes me feel better.
I’ve only done a swimsuit shoot once before and I think i hated it even more than I hated this one. It was when I had first started and I was SO uncomfortable but even then I had George to look over to for reassurance.
I smile at the memory and I don't even feel worried or nervous anymore but all of that vanishes as soon as he walks into the room and it feels like my heart stops beating.
Authors note: I hope you liked this chapter! I’m so nervous about writing this. I’ve been working on rough drafts for this story for the longest time but hopefully I get some good reviews. I’ll be updating as frequently as I can so stay tuned for more <3
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