Walking up to Stella’s apartment I struggled finding the right words to tell Stella about me leaving tomorrow. It’s been a few weeks since I met her and the idea of making her feel cheap with my departure isn’t an option.
Arriving at her door I knock, waiting for her to open the door for me. My heart clenched knowing what I’m here to say, I wasn’t supposed to get attached to Stella.
But it happened.
What else was going to happen when hanging out with a woman who shines of love and joy of life. Something I rarely see.
How could I have gotten attached so quickly?
That is an important question, the better one is what do I do with it?
We are casual, I can’t risk her life to make her mean more to me. But let me be selfish to make her mean a little bit more than an occasional lover, give myself her peace.
I didn’t have to wait long when the door opened and Stella appeared in the doorway with a waffle in her hand making my chest warm as I chuckled. “Waffle? It’s eight at night.”
She playfully scowled taking a bite into it. “You come here to judge my eating habits?”
Fighting back a smile but losing, I shook my head. “Judge you? Never.”
“Good. Then you are allowed in.” Stella stepped aside letting me walk into her small apartment, the space so different from where I live. Homey versus the giant house or penthouse that works as a place for me to sleep. “I hoped I would you see you soon but this is sooner than I expected.”
Turning I wrap my arms around her waist pulling her warm body against mine, the sweet smell of maple syrup surrounding us. “That a good thing?”
Stella gave me a soft smile, one that brightened up her face as she wrapped her arms around my neck now finished with her waffle. “Extremely so.”
Before I could tease her, a title of a book nearby caught my interest and brought anger to replace my playfulness.
“Why are you reading a book about gaslighting?” I asked picking up a psychology abuse book she had on her counter, my protectiveness about to come charging out of me to kill whoever is hurting her. “Someone threatening you?”
“Oh that, no.” Stella took the book from my hand and drop it back on the counter. “Cody, Anthony’s boyfriend, gave it to me. Family shit that I need to deal with, nothing to worry about.”
Reaching over I brush some hair out of her eyes, tucking it behind her ear. “You want to talk about it?”
Stella let out a deep breath and softly shook her head. “Not really, just spent a few hours talking about it with Anthony and Cody. Kind of want a break and to relax.”
Giving her a small smile, I wink. “I’m here if you want to, no matter when.”
She stood up on her toes and I met her in the middle, my lips taking in her soft ones. One of my hands moved up getting tangled in her hair as our lips quickened making me growl and my need for her burn. She slowly moved against me, her body perfectly molded against mine.
Letting out another growl I pulled myself away before I flung her against the nearest thing and take her right there. But first we needed to talk about things.
Stepped back I took a breath, her eyes slowly opening and I smiled seeing her flush. That sight never gets old. Stella bit her lips, fighting a smile. “You know every time I see you I tell myself to stop acting like a school girl, to not get swoony over you. Yet I can’t help it.”
“I’m Italian, it’s a birth right.” My head moved close to hers letting me kiss her tenderly before leaning back allowing me to look at her, my hand back around her waist keeping her pressed against me. “I need to talk to you about something and I’m not sure you will like what I have to say.”
Concern flashed across her face and she tried to take a step back but I didn’t let her. “What’s going on Maximus?”
I fought back a growl at her using my full name, I enjoy being ‘Max’ to her. Someone who I didn’t have to constantly be showing my strength or be ‘Maximus Sorrentino’ to.
We don’t use nicknames in the family, very rarely if we do. We are always formal, it’s the job. Her use of ‘Max’ lets me breathe a little easier, it’s as if I can be me, not my position or family.
Taking a breath, I looked into her eyes. I let the feeling of her body against mine calm me down and keep me present. “Thing have been going array at work, because of that my brother who is in charge is sending me to find out what is going on and check out some new connections for us to use.”
Her face softened. “No wonder you are so stressed. I’m sorry you’re going though that, but why would I not like that you are working?”
Here it is. “Because we are in international business Stella. Tomorrow I’m heading on a trip to Canada, Italy and the United Kingdom. I could be gone for a month or most likely two before I’m back, politics can be tricky.”
She stilled in my arms, her body trying to move back and I knew what she was thinking. We didn’t know where this is going, when we started we talked about being casual and now we feel differently. “Oh.”
I tried to catch her eye. “I’m not chucking you, honest.”
I could see the walls behind her eyes build up, the bright smile now replaced with a fake one. “It doesn’t matter, we decided when we started to only be causal. Not like we are in some relationship where you need to explain yourself Maximus, it’s okay for you to go. You don’t owe me anything.”
“That’s bullshit.” I bit out harsher than I meant, the tone making her jump. My hands moved up and down her back to soothe her and make up my outburst. I could tell she is rattled over relationships, the fact she had to tell me she wasn’t a whore the first time we had sex told me that. “Listen, yes we both wanted this to be casual but this is anything like that. When I get back from my trip, I will come for you and we can go back to being ‘casual’ or I could take you out on a real date. Got it? I don’t lie.”
Stella took a step back and this time I let her, my body feeling her loss instantly. “We are casual, Max, we are to stay that way. I don’t have time or energy for a relationship.”
I couldn’t be sure, but the way she said the word ‘casual’ didn’t sound like she was trying to convince me, but her.
Looking on her kitchen counter I let out a sigh seeing a bottle of gin and tonic water beside it. Not asking for permission I walk towards the alcohol, took a few glasses and made us both a gin and tonic with ice.
Walking back to Stella I passed her the drink which she immediate took a sip of. Taking one of my own, I carefully think of what I want to say to not spook her. Or me. “Stella. I know we both said casual and I still want that. But I won’t deny that I go to war with my-self over that agreement.”
Stella gulped another sip of her gin and glared at me. “You go to war with yourself over sleeping with me. Oh thanks, you can leave now.”
Shaking my head, I put my drink down. “That’s not what I meant. What I meant was that, I need casual but you have a way about you that makes me want more. It’s a push and pull thing, I need you but shouldn’t have you.”
“Anthony was right.” She mumbled, seeing my confused look she shook her head dismissing what she said. “I sometimes think the same, maybe it is a good thing you are leaving for a bit, it will give us space.”
“Hey.” Taking step towards her I take her drink and put it down on the counter. Cupping her chin, I direct her to look into my eyes. “Don’t try to put distance between us. You and I both want casual, but I sure as hell am not letting you run from me just because of the pull we have. When I am gone, take space to think but be ready for when I return because when I’m back, you will not be leaving us or your bed.”
“Is that so?” Her eyes no longer held the running that was in there before, instead they were back to her playful state.
I let go of her chin and ran my hand down over her body. “There is no point in lying to you about what I feel, same goes for you. Now or when I am back, you tell me what you are feeling, you don’t burry it.”
She scowled at me, her teeth biting her puffed out lip. “Haven’t I told you I don’t like being told what to do.”
I winked. “You weren’t saying that the other night.”
“Always your come back.” She muttered.
“I always make you come.” I smirked feeling hard at the idea of her under me again. “Stella, look at me.”
Stella didn’t but instead pulled a thread on my suit. “We have nothing else to talk about.”
My hand went under her chin to have her look at me. “Listen, I don’t do this, I have never talked about my feelings like I’m about to. I like you Stella, you bring light to my dark world. A person like you doesn’t deserve a man like me but I can’t, won’t walk away. When I come back just give me one date. Please.”
“Did you ask and not order?” She teased fidgeting against me.
Grabbing her waist, I push her flush against me, the gasp and blush telling me she felt my painful erection. “Don’t tell anyone.”
She chuckled with a nervous smile. “I think I’m getting attached to you too. Alright, when you come back one date. Under one condition.”
I hummed looking into her clear eyes, all worries and uncertainty of my trip no longer on my mind, not even in the back trying to get attention. Fuck I’m going to miss her when I am gone.
“Remind me why I should miss you.” She whispered standing up to give me a searing kiss under my chin.
Releasing a growl, I reach under her waist and picked her up, Stella’s legs wrapping around my waist in an instant. Her lips attacked mine, my body walking to her bed without needing to open my eyes from already memorizing her apartment.
Entering her room, I walked up to her bed and dropped her, her gorgeous body bouncing on the mattress with a giggle. Giving me a seductive smile Stella began to undress, taking her time to tease me. It felt like hours watching her wear less and less until she wore nothing but a seductive smile.
Slowly I took off my suit jacket, my eyes carefully looking over her body to have it completely memorized. “I hope you had a good dinner because I’m going to be making sure you miss me and won’t be able to forget me when I’m gone.”
Stella batted her eyes trying to look innocent. “Forget who and for what?”
Tossing my jacket off I reach down grabbing her ankle, pulling her to me. “You are going to pay for that.”
And she did.