#24 Mating rituals
“Ugh…” Dshawn grunts, waking me up right along with him. I groan when I feel how we stick together, both sweaty and the smell of booze all around us.
I pry myself off the couch and look around at his apartment. It’s trashed. Completely. I’ve never seen a mess of this magnitude. My headache isn’t as bad as I expected it to be, but I still rummage through the kitchen cabinets until I find myself some pain pills.
Once I’m done showering, I pull on one of Dshawn’s shirts instead of my own trashed dress and decide to borrow one of his boxer short’s as well. It doesn’t look all that flattering, but least they are clean and they smell strangely fruity.
After I’m done, I find Dshawn still on the couch, on his back now, staring at the ceiling. He looks like he’s trying to make himself get up and failing miserably. I move into the kitchen, trying to figure out how his fancy coffee machine works.
“I’d like some please,” a deep voice says behind me.
I spin around and scowl when I see Aston standing there in nothing but his bright red boxer shorts. Dshawn finally gets up from the couch and stretches out before standing next to his friend, nudging him with a small smile. They are about the same height, equally ripped, have similar smooth black skin and short black hair. Still, I find Dshawn in his rumpled jeans and dirty shirt much more attractive than Aston who’s practically naked.
“Stop ogling us, woman.” Dshawn winks at me. “I believe my friend here ordered some coffee. Make that two.”
“Three, please.” Francesca walks in, wearing only her bra and panties. Her hair is basically a bird’s nest, sticking up in weird angles. I swear it looks like she used gel to get it to stick up like that.
“Oh honey, you’ve got some cum in your hair,” Aston says, grinning. “Might wanna take a shower.”
“Ew!” Dshawn and I yell in unison. So it wasn’t gel, it was cum. Gross.
“I’m going to take a shower,” Dshawn announces, “and by the time I get back, the two of you will have pulled off my bedsheets, put them in the washing machine, and wiped every single cum stain from my bedroom, or I will tell Shaughna to go ballistic on your asses.”
I give Aston and Fran my most angry and frightening look, but they just laugh. Dshawn grunts, gives me a quick kiss and then takes off to take a shower. Fran and Aston both look at me expectantly, so I just shrug.
“I guess I’m the coffee bitch today,” I say, rolling my eyes.
“Yeah, and you’re also Dshawn’s bitch,” Aston adds, sitting down on the kitchen counter like it’s his house. “When exactly were you planning on telling me that you’re hanging up your cape?”
“My cape?” I repeat as I put fresh beans in Dshawn’s fancy coffee machine.
“Yeah, you know, the cape that says you’re a part of the super slut league.” He grins and gestures at me and Fran. “We all know that the three of us are a part of that league. We all wear the cape. And Franny and I did the league proud last night. You… I don’t think you did, Shaughna. I think you’re ready to hang up your cape.”
Francesca doesn’t look all that happy to be called a super slut. In fact, she is looking at Aston like she wants to smack him and fuck him at the same time. Oh boy. I need to talk to her without him being anywhere near us.
“If I have to be anyone’s bitch and pick a league, then I guess there are worse guys than Dshawn to pledge my loyalty to.” I hope that Aston gets than I don’t want to talk about this anymore and the loud purr of the coffee machine helps in getting him off my back. Another thing that helps is the fact that Franny just walked up to him, stepped right between his legs and is now kissing him like he’s the hottest guy in the apartment and she will die without his lips on hers.
Obviously, he is not the hottest guy in the apartment. That would be Dshawn.
“Stop kissing,” I tell my friends, nudging Francesca in the ribs. “You heard the man of the house. Go and clean his bedroom. Now!”
“She’s mean,” Fran complains, giving me a pouty look. It would be cute, but she’s almost naked and she’s got her hair sticking up from where Aston somehow got his cum into it… so no, Franny is not cute right now.
“And who in their right mind would ever call Dshawn the man of the house?” Aston adds.
I don’t respond and just point at the bedroom again, giving them my best death glare. Honestly, I know that it’s not that scary, but at least I try. I wish I had Caroline’s creepy don’t-fuck-with-me glare. I’m pretty sure all teachers like her get a class in college called How to be so fucking scary with a single look that kids will do your bidding, because I remember my old teachers having that exact same look when I was goofing off again.
My own not-so-scary look works in the end, because Fran and the other super slut pull off the bedsheets, throw them in the machine and get a few wet wipes to make sure all other traces of their wild night disappear too. I can’t help but wonder what exactly they were doing to get traces of… well… Aston… in so many places.
“Do I need to buy a blacklight, or can I trust that my room is sanitary again?” Dshawn walks back in and joins me in the door opening of his bedroom, looking at Aston and Fran picking up their scattered clothes.
“Don’t buy a blacklight,” Aston advices him with a grin. “You seriously don’t want to know. And you gave up on a sanitary life the moment you let Shaughna into your apartment.”
“If I remember correctly, you let her into my apartment the first time,” Dshawn replies, putting an arm around my waist and kissing my temple. He smells like soap and… oranges? I press my nose into his shirt and inhale deeply. Yes. Oranges.
“Stop sniffing me,” he whispers with a smile.
“You’re one to talk,” I shoot back, flipping hair over my shoulder to get his attention to it.
He grins, takes my hair between fingers and lifts is up to smell it. “Hmm. Nice.”
“Why the fuck are you sniffing each other like dogs?” Francesca asks, her hands on her hips. “Is this some kind of weird mating ritual I don’t know about?”
“Hey, you’re the one still walking around in your underwear with cum in your hair,” I remind her.
“Yeah, go take a shower,” Dshawn agrees with me immediately.
Aston grins and picks up Fran bridal style, carrying her to the bathroom. “Yeah, let’s do that.”
“No no no!” Dshawn runs after them, but Aston already locked the door behind them. “No sex in my shower!” Dshawn yells, slamming his fist again the closed door. “Please don’t taint my whole apartment!”
Of course, no one answers him and all we can hear is the sound of water running and Francesca giggling. Yeah, they are definitely having sex again.
“Oh, baby, I know how you feel,” I tell Dshawn, pulling him with me to the kitchen so we won’t have to hear them anymore. “Aston defiled my kitchen one time with a friend of mine from college, and he left the condom in my sink.”
Dshawn shudders and pulls me to him, hiding his face in my hair. “Why are we friends with that guy?” he murmurs. “He’s so gross.”
“I know,” I agree. Aston is fun to be around, but gross is an understatement. He has sex whenever he wants, wherever he wants, and he doesn’t care who knows it. I think it’s safe to say he does this sort of thing every time he crashes at a friend’s house after a party. “Did you know that Caroline thinks he’s hot? She told me one time that he’s the hottest one out of all of your friends.”
He pulls away from me and frowns. “So… turns out you and Caroline have the same taste in men, huh?”
Hmm. Never thought about that. Honestly, I don’t think we do. “Nah,” I tell Dshawn. “I mean, we both appreciate a bit of good eye candy, but aside from you, I’ve never wanted any of the guys she’s had and she definitely never wanted any of the guys I dragged into my bedroom.”
“I meant Aston,” he goes on, still looking a little upset.
“What?” I take a step back to pour myself a cup of coffee. “Aston? I mean, yeah, objectively I can see that he is gorgeous, but I’ve never even considered sleeping with him.”
“You’ve never…” Dshawn searching my face to make sure I’m telling the truth. “I thought that you and he were friends-with-benefits.”
I can’t help but laugh at that. “He wishes. We’re just friends, trust me.” He looks so relieved that I grin again. “Wait… did it bother you to think I slept with Aston?”
“Of course,” Dshawn admits like it’s no big deal. “I don’t want you sleeping with my friends.”
“Okay. I won’t sleep with any of your friends.” I meant it teasingly, but he gets upset again, looking like he wants to say more, but decides against it.
“Come here,” he says after a moment of uncomfortable silence, motioning me over. “Let me smell that pretty blonde hair again.”
I giggle when he buries his face in my hair for the umpteenth time, inhaling like the smell calms him down. He grunts and grabs my ass, squeezing it. I take his face in my hands and kiss him tenderly, enjoying this moment together. I don’t get what is going between us, I don’t understand anything about him and me together, but I like it. He makes me feel all… me. I don’t have to woo him or anything. He’s seen me right after work, with helmet hair after a motorcycle ride, post sex, stupid drunk, flustered, giggling like a little girl… And he still treats me the same he did that morning he found me in his bed after that stupid Formula 1 screening party: with respect, but also like he thinks I’m a sex goddess. I like that combination very much.
“Come on,” I tell him after a moment. “Let’s start cleaning up your apartment. Because if you ever want me to sleep with you in any room in this apartment, we need to make sure that I won’t get some awful fungus or something. I’m not sitting anywhere that has sweat, booze or worse, Aston’s essence on it. So grab a trash bag and start cleaning up, boy.”
He rolls his eyes, but complies anyway. We spend a lot time cleaning up – hours, actually – until he finally insists that I’ve helped him out enough. Franny and Aston tried to help as well after their very long shower, but when Dshawn found out they put his washing machine on the wrong cycle for his sheets and effectively ruined them, he threw them out. They weren’t very helpful anyway, flirting more than cleaning.
“Go,” Dshawn tells me, smacking my ass. “Your dress from last night is washed and dried, so you’re good to go. You’ve still got Caroline and Nathan in your apartment, so I’m pretty sure that you’ll have to clean up the mess they made. I can handle cleaning the bathroom myself. You’ve already helped me out more than I could have hoped for.”
“Hey,” I say, a little offended that he’s basically saying he thought that I would bail instead of helping him vacuum, fill trash bags and basically disinfect every single corner of his place. “I’m not just a hot piece of ass, I’ll have you know. I’m one hell of a woman. Cleaning is just one of my many talents.”
“And I can’t wait to find out all those other talents,” he says with a wicked grin. “But I wasn’t saying that I’m surprised you can clean like a maniac. I’m just honored that you didn’t leave after your shower. I’m quite a lucky guy.”
“Yes, you are.” I roll my eyes to cover up that his compliments are getting to me. “Okay. Fine. I’ll go see what Car and her hot daddy are up to.”
When I get back home, it turns out that Dshawn was right. I find Caroline and Nathan half-naked on my couch, looking rather flustered at me basically catching them in the act. Turns out that while Nathan may not be the muscular god Dshawn is, he’s got quite a nice chest as well – muscular and tattooed, to my surprise. I tease them for a while, but decide to give them a moment to get fully dressed again while I change my dress from last night into jeans and a T-shirt.
Nathan turns out to be quite alright after all. It takes him a while to get used to my banter, but he’s actually quite funny and he looks at Caroline like she’s the most amazing woman he’s ever seen. Which she is, of course. It’s nice that he seems know that as well as I do.
By the time the two of them leave, I’m ready to fully support their relationship, even though I truly do worry about what she’s getting herself into. Caroline is not very careful with her heart, not like I am. And that’s already resulted in her being heartbroken when Jordan pretty much fled the country and when Danny kissed another girl. If this new dude is going to treat her the way those assholes did, I am going to find him, cut off his balls, stuff them up his ass and make sure he’ll never be happy again.
Then again, maybe this time it will all work out for Caroline. Who knows?