#28 Shower head
He won’t sleep with me. Hell, he won’t even do more than just hug and kiss me. Our usual banter about sex has stopped too. He just smiles when I make a sexual joke, he grabs my hands and holds them tightly when I move my hands down his body, and when I ask if we can take things into the bedroom, he offers to take me home so I can get some sleep.
We’ve only officially been dating for six days, and already he’s not attracted me anymore? What the actual fuck?
I expected this to be difficult, but for a whole bunch of other reasons. I thought I would be scared by how much I like him, or for him to bring up my slutty past, but none of that. Instead, it seems that he’s lost all interest in me when it comes to the physical aspect of our relationship, if I can even call it that.
Sex isn’t the reason I’m with him, but come on. I thought that being exclusive meant sleeping with him and him alone, not being celibate!
Finally, I decide that it’s been enough. I need to know what is going on between us. I can’t keep doing this, and it’s obvious that he’s not going to bring it up, so I’ll have to be the one to do it.
When Dshawn picks me up after my shift at Giovanni’s on his motorcycle without making a single joke about getting me horny, I decide it’s time to cut the crap. The moment we’re inside and our coats and shoes are in the hallway of his apartment, I turn to him.
“What’s going on?” I ask, trying not to sound hurt and angry. Of course, I’m failing.
He sits down on the couch with a frown. “What do you mean?”
“Are you tired of me already? Or are you…” A thought hits me and I flinch. “Are you disgusted by me?” The no-sex thing started after I told him how many people I slept with. Maybe he doesn’t want to be one of the many. Maybe he things I’m dirty, tainted, a whore.
“What?” he asks, genuinely shocked. “What are you talking about?”
Okay, maybe it’s not as bad as I thought. I take a deep breath, tell myself to get a grip and sit down on the couch as well, turning to face him. “We haven’t… been… intimate since our big fight,” I say, blushing. I never blush when I talk about sex. What is it about him that has me acting all insecure and girly? “I’m just wondering… why?”
He grunts and looks down at the floor, fidgeting a little. “I’m afraid you’ll get mad if I tell you.”
So he was doing it on purpose, just like I thought. That’s not good news at all. At least he’s admitting it instead of pretending that he doesn’t know what I’m talking about, and I respect that.
“I promise I will try to just listen and not get mad right away,” I say. It’s the best I can do, because I can’t promise that I won’t get angry without knowing how bad it is.
“It’s something that Aston said,” Dshawn explains, still not meeting my gaze. “It got in my head.”
“Goddamned, I’m going to kill that boy,” I grunt. This is the second time he’s making Dshawn doubt me and I’m sick of it. He apologized for saying that I’m not capable of monogamy, but here he is, doing it again. “What did he say this time?”
“He said…” Dshawn takes a deep breath. “A week ago, when you were at Animals until late, I was hanging out with Aston and Francesca, and we got to talking about sex.”
“Aston is always talking about sex.” I roll my eyes. “And then you started talking about me, I gather?”
Dshawn shrugs, finally looking up and letting me see the doubt in his eyes. “Sort of. Francesca was saying something about how she can’t go a week without getting a good pounding, something like that, and Aston said that you’re the same way. Apparently, you once told him that you don’t feel like yourself if you don’t have an orgasm at least once a week.”
“Yeah, I did.” I remember that night, hanging out and playing a drinking game with Aston and some other friends, years ago in college. We were all confessing things and I had said that I needed to reach my peak at least once a week in order to relief stress and be my best self. That’s still true. I tend to get riled up and I find it harder to concentrate when I let all that sexual tension build up within me. Besides, it’s free and easy, and it makes me relaxed and happy. What’s wrong with that?
“Aston said…” Dshawn grunts. “Honestly, I feel really stupid that I let this get me all worked up, but he sort of advised me to make sure that I keep you satisfied, or you’d be forced to go back on the promise you made me to not do anything with other guys.”
I can’t help but be amused by Aston, even though it’s annoying that Dshawn takes those teasing remark seriously. “That’s ridiculous. And typical Aston. Since when do you take him seriously?”
“I don’t, but…” He hesitates and takes my hand in his, running his thumb over my skin in soothing circles. “You just admitted that the once a week thing is true. It has me a little worried.”
“About satisfying me?” I guess. “Look, we’ve only had sex twice, but I can already tell you that you’ve got nothing to worry about. You are amazing. Why do you think I’ve been trying to get you to sleep with me this past week?”
He lights up a little when I say that. “That’s nice to hear, but that is not what I’m worried about. I just thought… what if Aston is right? What if we fight and don’t talk for a few days? Or I get sick and don’t feel like being intimate? Or I’m out of town for two weeks for work or something? So… I figured if I refrained from having sex with you for a week…”
“That you’d be able to see if I would hold my end of the bargain,” I realize, feeling a little annoyed with him now. “Seriously? Do you think so little of me? I promised I wouldn’t do anything with anyone but you. I don’t even want to anyway. I haven’t been able to think of anyone or anything but you lately. I like having sex with you, but it’s not the reason why I like you. I’m not willing to give up on what we’ve got just to get some.”
“That’s good to hear.” All the stress has left his body by now and he pulls me in for a brief kiss. “I’m sorry I spazzed out on you. I just… I haven’t been in a relationship in a long time. And I have never been with someone with so much… experience as you. You’re so open about sex, so clear that you want it… It makes me a little nervous to think that you might value sex more than you value me.”
“Dshawn!” I exclaim, moving in to put my arms around him. “How can you think that? I like you so much. The fact that I’m talking to you about this, asking for an explanation instead of just deciding that it’s not worth the trouble should make that clear. I never do this. I never ask a guy I’m sleeping with to have a serious conversation about this. You have nothing to be insecure about. If you want to wait a month or something before sleeping with me, that’s fine. I won’t like it, not one single bit, but I’m not going anywhere. I swear. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of my own orgasms. I just like the intimacy and thrill of having sex with someone, and with you it’s more than that. Way more.”
He pulls back a little, frowning at me. “Take care of your own orgasms? What do you mean?”
“Erm… ever heard of masturbation?” I ask, laughing at how surprised he is. “Come on, don’t tell me you never jerk off, Dshawn. Is it really that hard to believe that girls do that to? That I do that? In fact, the longest sexual relationship of my life is the one I’m in with my shower head.”
His expression is almost comical now: wide eyes, open mouth, jaw dropped. “Your shower head?”
I wiggle my eyebrows. “I’ve got one of those fancy ones with pulsating jets. Takes me about three minutes. Easy peasy.”
“Really?” He shakes his head, letting out a low groan. He’s getting aroused by hearing me talk about getting myself off. “Three minutes?”
“Want to see?” I tease. “You’ve got a handheld shower head, right? How many different settings does it have?”
“Erm… eight, I think?”
“Oh nice,” I say, already excited. “That’s one more than mine. I bet there’s at least one that will do the trick. I’m not that hard to please. Come on, let’s go.” I get up and offer him my hand.
“W-where are we going?” He’s completely blown away by this whole conversation. None of his usual cockiness is present right now. Dshawn is a stammering nervous mess and it’s cute as hell.
“To your bathroom, of course. To show you that you don’t have to be worried about me cheating on you. To prove that I don’t need more than you and the shower head, even if you leave town for a whole month.” I pull him with me to the bathroom, more than a little proud to turn such a confident guy into a puddle just because I’m offering to put on a little show for him. I undress quickly, enjoying his eyes on me as I do.
“You don’t have to do this,” he says softly, even though it’s obvious he is enjoying every second of this already.
“I know,” I reply with a smirk. “And feel free to walk out if you don’t want to watch. But I’m going in the shower whether you’re in here with me or not. Watch me, don’t watch me, touch yourself, join me, do whatever you want. I’ve been waiting for you to fuck me for days now and I’m ready to relief all this sexual tension.” I’m not even lying. I’m so horny right now that I wouldn’t even stop if he told me to. I need this.
Dshawn leans against the closed door, breathing hard. His eyes don’t move away from my body for even a second as I get in the shower and turn on the faucet. I test out all eight settings, ranging from a soft full-body mist to a pulsating jet so powerful that I think it might be too much for even me. I start with the normal spray meant for washing your body and hair. I turn the shower head upside down and direct the stream at my already quivering pussy. My eyes find Dshawn’s and I see that he’s touching himself over his jeans. I smile to myself and change the head to the least vigorous jet, closing my eyes and moaning when it hits me just in the right spot.
“Fuuuuuuck,” I hear Dshawn say.
I open my eyes to see that he’s taking his clothes off, his eyes never leaving my body. That excites me even more and I turn up the power of the stream to a more powerful pulsating jet, meant for a deep muscle massage. I tilt the showerhead to get a different angle and lean against the wall so I can open my legs wider while also getting the support I need. The pleasure is building so quickly that I moan out loudly, meeting Dshawn’s hungry gaze while I come apart, shuddering as I do.
“Fuck that was hot,” he says as he gets in with me, snatching the shower head from me and putting it back on the wall.
“Hmm,” I murmur, pulling him to me so he can hold me up while I enjoy the after waves of my orgasm. “Can we finally have sex now?”
“Yes,” he grunts. “Fuck yes. Condom?”
I shrug. “You decide. We’re clean, we’re exclusive, I’ve got my IUD…”
I trust Dshawn like I’ve never trusted anyone before and I love sex without a condom, so I’m glad when he grabs my waist and pushes me against the wall. I put my legs around his hips so that he and the wall are now responsible for holding me up. He pushes into me with a grunt, filling me up completely.
“Oh I’ve missed this,” he groans into my ear. “I’m never listening to Aston ever again.”
“Good,” I reply with a moan. “Now stop talking about him and start moving.”
He complies immediately, pounding me so fast and hard that I cry out in surprise, my muscles already clenching around him. I’ve been so ready for him to take me for days now that I come apart almost immediately, burying my face against his shoulder while I moan out his name.
Dshawn comes shortly after, grunting out my name in his deep manly voice, causing me to shiver all over even though there’s hot water streaming down on us. He stays inside of me for a moment, catching his breath. Then he pulls out, gently puts me backdown and kisses me intensely.
“You’re full of surprises,” he says with a wild grin. “Like I’ve said before, you’re a dangerous woman, Shaughna Elmore.”
“And that’s just one of the many things you like about me,” I tease as I rinse his cum from my thighs. “Hmm. I love sex in the shower.”
“Good to know,” he says before he turns the water off. “We’re definitely doing this again.”
“The sex in the shower part, yes,” I agree. “The part where you make me wait for a week because you let fucking Aston Johnson get in your head… NO.”
“Fair enough.” Dshawn throws me a towel and starts drying himself off as well. “Seriously though, Shaughna, I’m sorry. I never should have doubted you. Next time I will just talk to you if I have anything on my mind. And I’ll make sure to make up for the days we lost.”
“We didn’t lose anything,” I assure him with a smile. “I like watching movies with you, going out to dinner, talking… I just think that if we both want to have sex, we should do it. Because like I just showed you, I don’t need you to have an orgasm, but I do enjoy them more when you’re the one giving me one.”
He grins. “I’ll remember that.”