#66 Sex is better than worrying
He’s everywhere. Every guy with grey eyes, every man with short black hair and pale skin, every time I see an angular face that resembles his… I feel like I can see his face wherever I go. Feel his hot breath in my neck, hear his voice in my ears, feel his hands on my hips.
The week after Caroline’s wedding, Dshawn and Aston take turns driving me to work, depending on how our schedules overlap and intertwine. I’d prefer just living my life like nothing is wrong, but they won’t let me. Dshawn has made it perfectly clear that he wants to make sure I’m protected at all times, and Aston is just as protective. Franny suggested that she could drive me sometimes, but the boys won’t let her. They insist that they are strong enough to fight off Melchior if need be, while Francesca isn’t.
Honestly, I don’t think that Melchior is ever going to come to me when I’m with anyone. He always tried to keep me all to himself back in the day. I’m almost longing to see him again, just to get it over with. I would like nothing more than to cut him out of my life, but since he inserted himself back into it, I feel like I should face this head-on. I want to text him back, to just meet up with him and make sure he understands that I am never ever getting back together with him, but Dshawn won’t let me.
I want to talk to Caroline about all of this, but she’s on her honeymoon. My problems will still be there when she gets back, while she’ll only have this time with Nathan once in her life. I am not going to ruin this for her. If I call her and tell her everything, she’ll worry about me the entire time. Maybe she’ll even insist on coming back. I can’t let her do that for me, even though I feel like she’s the only one who can truly understand what I’m going through. She was there. Aston, Franny and Dshawn all love me, but they didn’t witness the devastation Melchior wrought in my life.
Every day, I slip a little more into the old Shaughna, feel a little more like the 18-year-old version of myself. Dshawn loves and knows the 25-year-old edition of me: fun, slutty, slightly domesticated. He can’t truly grasp who I was back then: still innocent, relatively inexperienced, truly in love for the first time in my life, unable to break away from someone who was hurting me. He tries to support me, protect me, be there for me, but he can’t fix anything. Not really.
“Please,” I beg him. It’s a week after the wedding and I’ve got the day off from work. “Please, stop asking me if I’m okay.”
Dshawn is standing in the kitchen in his sweats, making us breakfast. It’s not his normal day off, but he doesn’t want me to be alone for an entire day. His concern for me is slowly driving me crazy. He looks over to where I’m sitting at the dining table and sighs. “Honey, I’m just-”
“-worried,” I finish for him. “I know. I get it. Stop it.”
He laughs, but there’s no joy in it. “That’s not how it works, baby.” He turns back to the stove to break some eggs into the pan that he just put some bacon in.
“Dshawn, I just…” I take a deep breath, trying to keep myself from snapping at him. He means well and he’s only smothering me because he loves me. I need to try and talk to him without getting angry, because he doesn’t deserve that. “I need to be able to go to the store without a chaperone. Go to the gym without someone tagging along. Drive myself to work. Be alone in the apartment for a while. You’ve got work today! Just go. You don’t need to stay here with me.”
He sighs and pulls a hand over his hair. It’s been a while since he shaved it, so it’s starting to curl, which is the cutest thing ever. Even with his back to me, I can tell he’s not happy. “I’m worried about you,” he says, his hand tightening around the spatula. “After what happened… I would never forgive myself if…” He can’t even finish that sentence, choking up.
“Oh, honey…” I get up and move over to him, wrapping my arms around him from behind. I knew he was worried, but I had no idea he was this messed up over the whole Melchior situation. “It’s okay. He hasn’t texted me anymore, and I’m sure I can handle it if he shows up somewhere.”
Dshawn turns around in my embrace, hugging me back. I feel the spatula on my back and wince when I think about how the bacon grease is ruining my favorite shirt right now.
“Don’t take this the wrong way,” he whispers, his voice tight, “but I’m not sure you can.”
Pulling back, I look up into his face, my hands on my hips while he keeps his on my arms. “What do you mean?”
“Well…” He shrugs, looking away from my gaze. “I know you’re strong and feisty, but when it comes to Melchior… I’ve seen you have panic attacks when he wasn’t even close, just because something I did triggered all that trauma. If he shows up and threatens you…” He closes his eyes and his grip on me tightens. “I want to believe that you can handle it, both mentally and physically, but I just don’t know if you can.”
Even though I get where he’s coming from, it still hurts. If Dshawn doesn’t even have faith in me, then why should anyone else? Why should I?
“I’ve been doing better,” I argue. “When he hacked the vibrator I didn’t spiral, did I? And that was basically sexual assault, if you ask me. I was calm and I didn’t do anything rash.”
“Yeah, you handled that like a champ,” Dshawn agrees, opening his eyes to look into mine. “And I’m not saying that you’re weak. It’s just… I worry. You can’t blame me for that.”
“I don’t,” I assure him, still a little hurt. “You are drying me crazy, though. Today is supposed to be fun. We have a whole day to spend together, with no plans or tasks to finish or work or anything. This should be fun. Instead, I feel like you’re watching me for signs of insanity. I’m fine. You should go into work like you originally planned, or at least stop treating today like a babysitting job.”
He runs his hands up my arms and caresses the side of my face gently, smiling at me. “I’m sorry that I’m driving you crazy, but I’m not going into work. You may be okay, but I’m not. I’ve never even met the bastard and I feel like I’m seeing his face everywhere I go. How about we enjoy the day together? Do something fun?”
“Okay,” I agree immediately. I can tell he’s trying and that’s good enough for me. Spending time with my boyfriend is hardly a punishment, so I’m sure that if he can act normal for a day, we’ll be able to have some fun together. “Maybe we can borrow Terryl’s motorcycle again?”
Dshawn grins, his eyes alight with excitement. “I’m sure Dad will be okay with that. It’s not like he ever drives it anymore. We could drive around, it’s nice outside… Maybe take along some food and stuff and have a picknick in the woods or something?” He frowns when he sees my expression change. “What?”
I wiggle my eyebrows, thinking of Francesca telling me that she and Aston had sex against a tree when they headed to the woods on his bike. I’d very much like to try that. Screw the worry right out of Dshawn’s head. Hmm. Yeah, I’d like that.
“What?” Dshawn repeats, catching onto my mood. “What are you planning, you little vixen?”
I laugh and shove him playfully. “Your bacon is burning.”
“Fuck!” He spins around and grabs the pan to try and save breakfast. The bacon is black and so crispy that it’s not even remotely edible anymore. “Guess our first stop on our little bike trip should be a coffee shop or something, for breakfast.”
That sounds lovely, so we both change and head to Asia’s and Terryl’s in Dshawn’s car so we can borrow the bike. We end up having breakfast at their place, since Asia wouldn’t let us leave without feeding us first, and it’s even better than heading to a coffee shop. Terryl is at work and the older kids are at school, but Asia and baby Aliyah are at home, which given me a chance to get a little more comfortable around a kid that tiny, while Dshawn chats to his mother.
After an hour, we head out on Terryl’s bike. The familiar purr of a mechanical monster between my legs and Dshawn’s strong body in front of me gets me going like nothing else ever does. I’m already dripping wet when we pull up to the small parking lot on the edge of a nature reserve where we’ll take a walk and chill out for a while. And… well, hopefully there’ll be some action too so I can relieve all this sexual tension.
While I’m taking off my helmet, my phone buzzes. I hand the helmet to Dshawn and check my messages, a part of me worried that it’s Melchior again, screwing up our perfectly nice morning. Luckily, it’s Caroline. She and Nate are having a wonderful time on their honeymoon in Italy at their luxury private apartment with a swimming pool. There are a bunch of pictures and I scroll through them, showing a few to Dshawn.
“Why does Caroline think you want a picture of Nathan in his swimming trunks, all wet from swimming?” Dshawn asks, laughing.
I shrug and flip to another picture of Nathan in the pool, his tattoos on full display on his sun-kissed skin. “I’m not complaining. The dude may be old, but he’s hot as fuck.”
“Hotter than I am?”
“No one’s hotter than you are, baby,” I reply automatically. It’s true, of course. There’s no one who I’ve ever wanted as much as I want Dshawn. He’s absolutely gorgeous.
“Oh yeah?” Dshawn’s arms go around me from behind, pulling me against him. “You don’t want to trade me in for some hot daddy like Caroline did?”
“Hmm… maybe…” I tease him, leaning into him with a content sigh. “I think I’ll stick to my muscular biker sex god, though.”
“Good,” he grunts in my ear, “because I’m not letting you go. Ever.”
The sound of his deep voice all seductive relights the fire that the bike ignited in me and I moan when he kisses my neck. Fuck, I’m ready for him to take me already and we’re still in the parking lot. We need to get into the forest and find ourselves a tree or something.
“Come on,” I say, breaking out of our embrace so I can grab his hand and pull him along. “Let’s get some exercise.”
Dshawn laughs as he follows me onto the winding path to our right. “Exercise? It’s just a little stroll.”
“Is that what you think we’re doing here?” I ask, trying to sound as seductive as possible. “I was talking about a different kind of exercise.”
“Really?” he asks, the word coming out in a sexy grunt.
I don’t reply, but just pull him along with me, deeper into the forest. We’ve only been walking for ten minutes when I decide that I can’t wait any longer. I’m so goddamn horny it’s ridiculous. I pull Dshawn off the path and into a rougher part of the woods. He stops walking when I do and grunts when I push him against the nearest tree and grab his face so I can pull it down to kiss him. He replies just as hungrily, our tongues battling for dominance. He wins, but only because I let him. It’s so nice to let him decide the pace and force of our kiss, feel his hands slip under my jacket and shirt and caress the bare skin of my back.
“Fuck,” Dshawn mumbles against my lips. “You’re so…”
“Sexy?” I ask huskily, smirking when he nods. “Amazing? Exciting? Crazy? Adventurous?” I want to go on a little longer, but he kisses me again and I get lost in the kiss. My hands move down his body to feel the growing bulge in his pants, which causes him to spin us around so I’m the one with my back against the tree.
It doesn’t take me long to undo his belt buckle and unzip his pants. My hand slips into his boxer shorts and we both moan when it wraps around his hard length. I’ll never get enough of this. Of him. Of us. Sex has always been something I enjoy, but never like this. It was never like this before him. It never meant anything.
“This will be my first time in the woods,” I tell him between kisses, knowing how much he likes being my first. There aren’t many things I haven’t tried when it comes to sex, so I always make sure to tell him when we’re about to do something I’ve never done before.
Like I expected, he gets even more excited after my confession. He pulls down his pants enough to make it easier for me to keep pleasuring him, and moves to pull down my pants as well. I don’t want to take off my pants completely since that will mean I need to take off my shoes as well, leaving me on my socks in the woods. So… I do the only thing that makes sense. I push him away from me a little, turn around and bend over, bracing myself against the tree, my ass sticking out to him.
“Holy fuck,” he grunts, grabbing my hips. “Are you sure?”
I laugh. He’s so sweet, checking if I’m okay with this when this was all my idea and I’m the one offering myself to him like this. “Just fuck me.”
“Don’t you need a little longer?” he asks, his voice tight from the effort to control himself. “I don’t want to hurt you.” His hands move over my ass, pulling down my pants a little more. One hand sneaks around to the front and he gasps when he feels how wet I am. “Shaughna,” he breathes. “I want to fuck you so badly.”
“Yes,” I hiss out when I feel the tip of his penis against my entrance. “Please!”
Finally, he gives into his urges and grabs my hips, slamming into me so hard that I cry out. Fuck, that feels good. His moves are hard and fast, and I’m grateful for that, since I can feel the pleasure building already. I’ve been ready for this from the moment I stepped on the motorcycle and threw my arms around him. Hell, I was ready in the kitchen when I came up with this idea. Moaning loudly, I come apart around him, my walls clenching around him.
“Mommy!” a high-pitched voice yells a few feet away from us. “What’s that sound?”
Dshawn freezes behind me, still inside of me as his grip on my hips tightens. He’s so close to coming… In fact, his dick is twitching inside of me, ready to blow.
“I don’t know, baby,” a woman’s voice replies to the kid that heard my moans. “Maybe it’s a bird?”
Next chapter will be up real soon! Working on it right now.
Quick questions... If you like this story, could you post a review? Someone gave me 2 stars and now my ratings are down... I get that my story is not for everyone, but I feel like it deserves a little more than 2 stars. :(