When the elevator doors closed last night, I felt nothing but pain and regret. I wanted to run down the stairs, meet him on the ground floor, tell him that I didn’t mean any of it, that I was just hurting really badly… but I couldn’t get myself to move from my spot.
I glanced into the hospital bathroom mirror, promised myself that I wouldn’t cry again, and applied some mascara. The light in this room wasn’t the best for putting on make-up but I didn’t have a way to get home in time to get my supplies.
The bathroom door opened, and I listened to someone sigh. “Mia, are you serious getting ready in the damn hospital?” Serena asked. She walked over to me and grabbed the macara, tilted my head toward her, and started applying it for me. “Let me help.”
After taking a deep breath, I let myself relax. At least, I hadn’t pushed Serena or Melissa away yet. They were the only people that could support me through this now.
“So,” she said, lips curled into a smile. “How are you and Michael?”
I frowned, tears welling up in my eyes. Don’t cry, Mia, you’re the one who pushed him away. “I rather not talk about him,” I said.
She furrowed her brows. “But you were--”
“What’s taking you girls so long?” Melissa asked, popping her head into the bathroom. “The guys are waiting for us at the party already. It started ten minutes ago.” She walked into the bathroom, saw Serena was doing my make-up, and pulled a stick of red lipstick out of her purse. “Here try this.” She grabbed my chin and applied a coat onto my lips. “Perfect!”
I snuck Serena a glance, wanting to continue the conversation with someone because it was driving me absolutely insane. I wanted her to tell me that I had made the right choice, that telling Michael all I wanted from him was sex was what I was supposed to do, because I couldn’t tell Melissa. I couldn’t mention it to her. I couldn’t even tell her that I was seeing someone on the side.
She’d ask everyone who it was.
She’d find out that it was her own father.
During the whole drive to the party, I sat in the backseat with my knees bouncing wildly. I shouldn’t have left Mom. I should’ve just stayed at the hospital, had a lonely night to myself, and thought about how I ruined every single relationship I ever had. How I was a fucking monster who couldn’t stop hurting people or hurting myself.
When we pulled up to the biggest party of the summer, I sighed quietly through my nose. I’d only stay for a couple hours, then I’d have Melissa bring me back to see Mom. And if Melissa was too preoccupied with Victor, then I’d ask Mason.
There were over twenty cars parked on the street, and people were walking toward the house in droves. Lights were flashing from inside, a heap of smoke drifting out from the front door, music blaring through the damn windows.
Melissa took my hand and pulled me into the house with her. Serena had disappeared into the crowd as soon as she saw her boyfriend. I stood by Melissa’s side for what seemed like hours before Serena told me she was leaving early because her boyfriend’s sister was in labor.
It wasn’t even ten yet and I wanted to ask Serena to bring me back to the hospital, but she had been in too much of a rush to hear a word I said--I didn’t blame her though. She didn’t need all my drama right now.
I slumped down on a chair, watching people strip almost naked by the pool and start freaking skinny dipping as a group of frat boys cheered them on. Melissa stumbled up to me with a beer in her hands. I gazed up at her through my lashes. “I want to go home.”
Melissa grabbed my hand and pulled me off the chair and back into the house. “Oh, come on, Mia!” she said, slurring her words. I could smell the stench of alcohol on her breath, coming off in damn waves.
I scrunched my nose. “Melissa, please…” I said, but then shut my mouth. She nor Mason could drive me home. They were both already too drunk to even think straight.
She continued to push people out of the way until we reached the stairs. The dreaded damn stairs where couples were walking up--about to go fuck in a random person’s bedroom, where people didn’t give two fucks about STDs, cheating, or if the other person was wearing a condom.
When she started to pull me upstairs, I pulled my hand away from her. “Melissa, what’re you doing?”
She grasped onto the railing for support and grabbed my hand again. “Please, come up here with me. I have a surprise for you.”
“Is it someone who is sober who can drive me home?”
With glossy eyes, she gazed up the stairs. “No,” she said with a drunken smile plastered on her face. She tugged on my wrist harder and literally almost dragged me up the damn stairs with her. “It’s something better.”
Again, I pulled my hand away from her. “No, we need to--”
A frat boy walked down the stairs, looking Melissa up and down with a lustful grin on his face. “Looking good, Melissa,” he said, hand brushing against her waist. “You wanna come down by the pool with us?” His eyebrows moved up and down, suggestively.
Melissa looked at me, then at the pool, as if she was actually thinking about getting naked in front of everyone. I cursed under my breath and pushed her up the stairs. “No,” I said to whatever the fuck his name was. “We’re busy.”
After pushing her all the way up the stairs, I sighed and closed my eyes. This was why I didn’t go to stupid fucking parties anymore. All these damn frat boys, wanting to see everyone at the fucking party naked, deciding who they got to sleep with that night--not caring if the girl they chose had a boyfriend and not caring if that girl was sober enough to actually consent.
It was disgusting. Absolutely disgusting.
Melissa pulled me toward one of the bedrooms. “I was… was thinking about what you said the other night… that Mason wasn’t good in bed.”
I slapped a hand over her mouth, trying to stop her from fucking yelling. If Mason found out… “Stop talking so damn loud.”
Her lips moved against my palm, and I pulled it away so she could continue. She stopped by one of the last doors and grasped onto the handle. I stared at it, heart pounding against my chest. She had something planned, and I didn’t know if I was going to like it.
“I thought I’d find you someone who could!” She pushed the door open, and my jaw dropped to the fucking floor.
“Melissa, what the fuck?” I asked, brows furrowed. She was insane, absolutely insane.
Victor sat on the bed, smoking a joint by himself, two unopened cans of beer sitting next to him. “About damn time you showed up,” he said to Melissa. “Come here.”
Melissa pushed me into the room and shut the door behind us. “Vicky…” she said, plopping down next to him and drawing her fingers across his chest. “I want you to show Mia a good time.”
A look of confusion crossed Victor’s face, mirroring mine. What the fuck was even happening? Why was she doing this?
Melissa kissed his neck and trailed her hands lower down his torso to the front of his pants. She grasped his hard cock through them and looked at me. “Come here, Mia. It’s okay.”
“No,” I said, backing away to the door. My heart was pounding in my chest, my mind was all over the place. All I wanted to do was cry--hard. “I have Mason.”
She hopped up from the bed, breasts bouncing in her tight white tank top, and pushed me toward the bed with him. “Mason doesn’t do anything for you. Try it with Victor, please, for me?”
“He is your fucking boyfriend!” I said, turning around on my heel, eyes wide in anger. “I’m not going to fuck him. What is wrong with you?”
She rolled her blue eyes and continued to push me until I had stumbled back onto the bed. “Mia, it’s fine. I don’t mind. We have threesomes all the time.”
Though they had-threesomes-all-the-time, Victor didn’t make a move to touch me. Instead, he sat up on the bed, opened his beer, and chugged it, whispering something under his breath. It seemed like he didn’t like this idea--or knew much about it--either.
“I don’t want to have a threesome,” I said, trying so damn hard to get it through her head.
She smiled sweetly at me. “Well, then, I’ll leave you two alone.” She hurried out the door and slammed it shut.
My eyes widened, and I shot up from the bed before Victor could try anything. He held his hands up in defense. “I’m not going to do anything to you. I didn’t even know she was going to bring you up.” He puffed on his joint, then handed it to me. “You wanna hit?”
Tears welled up in my eyes, and I shook my head. I knew I shouldn’t have come. I should’ve just stayed at the hospital, should’ve went out to eat or something--by myself. I shook my head at him and wanted to ask if he could take me home, but he continued to chug his bear.
I hurried back out through the door. “I have to go,” I said, a tear falling down my cheek. I grabbed my phone from my back pocket, then reached for my wallet to see if I had enough for a bus ride.
But my wallet was gone, my phone had five percent battery, my boyfriend was so drunk he was almost passed out by the pool, and it was starting to drizzle outside.
Tears began streaming down my face, and I looked all over for my wallet, pushing people out of the way to check the floors, looking on all of the tables and counters for it, and I found nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Bad turned to worse, and I felt so goddamn alone. I didn’t really have anyone. I didn’t have someone who could bring me home. I didn’t have someone to talk to about this. I didn’t even have a damn good boyfriend.
I stepped out the front door in the rain and let the tears fall. I was alone. Completely and utterly alone.
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