I'm in pain ... Physically, emotionally, psychologically, and mentally. I can't explain the feeling that I am experiencing , and it feels like I've lost two of the most important people in my life.
I feel numb. I feel everything and nothing at the same time. The feeling sucks and I really need Cleo right now. I can't do this on my own. I regret how I treated her when I woke up three days ago. I had heard the conversation between her and Daniel and she was conflicted as to how to tell me what was going on and what had happened.
When I came around I was angry and again Cleo was by my bedside. She was at the receiving end of my rant. I didn't mean to be so mean to her ... I was hurting and I'm doing a very great job at hurting her. She's always been sensitive and she has taught me how to be a bit more gentle in the way I approached things but this time I messed up so badly. I lost it at her and she walked out clearly upset. If was only after I spoke to Daniel, that I had realised I was way too hard on her. I called her last night and she sent my calls straight to voicemail . I had also texted her and she didn't respond.
I had two funerals to attend in one day and the first one was Luigi's funeral. Half of me is missing and it's because my brother is gone . I was allowed to be there because as it turned out I am half Massa and half Luca . Nicolai confirmed earlier what Cleo and Daniel knew; that I had inherited the Mass empire . I was at the Luca estate. While I was fixing my tie when the door to the main bedroom opened .
" Daniel have you heard from Cleo? "
" No. She won't take my calls either . "
" I messed up really badly and I love her . "
" She was going to tell you at the right time... Instead you just woke up and asked her to tell you; what was going on and when she asked for time you kicked her out. "
" I didn't men to. I was hurting."
" Listen Angelo; I know that your are hurting and I can only imagine what you're going through becaust , you suffered a double tragedy ."
" You also lost your brother. "
" Luigi and Cloudio loved you. "
" How am I going to get through today without my wife ?"
"She also hasn't checked in with the twins and Ava. My Mom is worried."
I started feeling a worried too because it wasn't like Cleo not to call in and check in with the kid's.
"Where are my little angels? "
" They are with Florence and Nancy . "
"How are you keeping it together."
"Eleanor. She too hasn't heard from Cleo and her phone just rings . Marc too doesn't know where she is . "
I took a deep breath .
" Let me get through today ."
" You've got me . "
" She didn't leave the country and we have eyes and ears everywhere .She will show up soon . Remember she also loved Claudio."
" He loved her too . Luigi also loved her and I understand why she can't come . "
" Both your brother and your uncle meant a lot to Cleo too. She wasn't keeping the truth from you. Are you in love with my sister ? "
" With everything in me . "
" You of all people should know that she always tries to administer pain less painfully . You'll feel it yes ,but she'll take the blow for you to make it feel less severe when it hits. "
" For what it's worth I'm thankful that your here and Cleo is lucky to have you as a brother . "
Daniel walked over to give me a hug and let go
" So are you."
" I'm still in denial."
"We are family aren't we? "
I sat on the chair and cried.
"We are . You are my older brother afterall ."
" I am. When you are ready to talk to Romano he will listen. "
" Our dad isn't heartless?"
" No and you also have Salvatore who loves you. He just gives you a hard time because he wanted what you have. "
" My wife is off limits."
" She'll probably be at your father's service. She refused to speak according to Blake . "
" I just don't know why she wouldn't. "
" It doesn't sound like her but something's going on with my sister and you have to do some major fixing up. For the mess you made."
" I have two funerals to get through and I need her around . "
" Everyone's been busy with a lot and the press is also going to be at your Uncle's funeral too. I've tried all I could to keep the kids out of the papers . You have a reputation ."
" Had. I love your sister and with everything that is going on the girls I used to go out with would have bailed."
" Jane is also going to be there . "
" I need to tell Cleo about my history with her now Ex best friend. "
" Please don't fall off the wagon I'm here for you."
" Who's there for you when you are busy taking care of everyone."
" Eleanor and Salvatore. "
I lightly punched his shoulder.
" You have me now too . You are blood and I protect blood with my life."
" You are blood too Michelangelo and I always have your back ."
" You do know that Jane has every right to be at your Uncle's funeral ."
" I know and she's seated at the family section . I just hope your sister understands that I was a different person back then. I didn't mean to do what I did ."
" Jane forgave you didn't she? "
" She did . She also cheated on me when I was ready to work things out and she lied to me repeatedly ..."
I heard Daniel's phone vibrate and and after one glance he gave me a grim look .
" To be continued ?"
" Yes . "
" Come on we need to go and say goodbye..."
" I'm not ready to say goodbye... "
" None of us are ever ready to say goodbye but let go . Fear holds on."
I wiped tears that were starting to spring out again.
" Let's go."