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My Broken Heart Blog

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The roommate...

The party was a bust. I know I disappoint my roommate, although she tries not to show it. The day I met her was not the best day of my life and I really must have made the worst impression on her. It was after HE broke the news of him moving like 1500 miles away to attend Princeton. I mean, kudos for him getting into the number one university in the US, but couldn’t he have said something BEFORE I fell in love with him?

Writing this and reflecting on that statement, it was and is really ridiculous to say a guy that I met literally less than 12 hours before was the love of my life. But it was and IS how I feel. Even after all our drama. I can remember it like it was yesterday. Sitting on a bench, out in the hot Texas heat, and him holding me, breaking that horrible news.

“I’m only here for two weeks to finish some loose ends before moving to Princeton and starting my Masters.”

The need to get away from him was overwhelming. I don’t remember much after that point, but I left. He called. I ran. When I got to my dorm, I looked around and saw he hadn’t followed and I was relieved. Okay, I wasn’t, I was devastated. I would have liked to be relieved.

Upon entering my room, I stopped at the doorway to see my new roommate and realized instantly any chance of a normal college life flew straight out the window. Now I understood why so many dudes were lurking in the hallway, all trying to peek over my shoulder to get a glance at every-boy-over-13-years-old’s sex dream. The girl could’ve been a porn star. The song EX’s and Oh’s by Elle King came to mind. A man-eater. She was beautiful, hispanic, built, gorgeous - I should be jealous but at that particular point I didn’t care.

As I closed the door behind me, I walked to her and introduced myself. Marie seemed nice enough, but her beauty put me on edge. Girls like this are ruthless in my experience. We didn’t say much because we didn’t have time. Within in a minute a knock sounded on the door.

“DOS MIOS!” Marie slammed a halter top on the bed, stomped to the door flinging it open. “WHAT?!” She shouted at HIM. Yes, HE was there. I could tell he was taken back by the hardly dressed sex goddess in my room, but his eyes quickly focused on me sitting on the bed. Without a second glance at Marie, he stepped in the room toward me.

“We need to talk”

Those four little words had my heart fluttering so hard in my chest that I couldn’t seem to catch my breath.

“Excuse ME,” Marie said, trying to gather his attention, but he ignored her. He sat next to me on the bed. If I close eyes, I can still feel the weight of his body sagging the mattress next to me. I can also remember being absolutely terrified. I had never, ever sat on a bed with a boy before. Not even close. And here he was in my room, on my bed. Of course my roommate was glowering at us.

“I know I upset you, but please listen to me. I never attended this to happen. I didn’t set out for this. I know it looks bad, but I need you.”

Marie huffed, stomped over in front of me, and laid her hand on my shoulder, “Honey, do you want me to escort this cheating asshole out of our room?”

That statement shocked me.

“Cheating?” I asked, looking at her, then back at him. Did she know him? Had HE had an affair with Marie. It wasn’t hard to imagine them together. Her fucking gorgeous and him unbelievably sexy.

He shook his head at me. His eyes unperturbed by Marie’s accusation. “I would never cheat on you.”

Marie rolled her eyes, “Oh so this thing you never attended to happen, didn’t happen?”

He shook his head again, “You misunderstand. The thing I never attended to happen was to fall in love with Sarah.”

If you don’t already know, which you probably don’t. I’m Sarah and at this point I think I may have had a stroke for real. I cannot for the life of me remember the next few seconds. I’m not sure I blinked. I knew I didn’t say anything and I knew Marie was taken back because she told me later.

I think it was the click of the door after Marie exited that I began to come back to life.

“You love me?” I whispered, my eyes downcast. I was afraid to look at him. Afraid he would be laughing at me.

He rubbed his forehead and said “I must sound like a stalking lunatic, but yeah, it’s the only explanation. I have never felt this way about anyone.” Taking both my hands into his, he squeezed them. “It sucks that we have started this amazing thing and I must go in two weeks. It sucks that you have to start school in two days during my two weeks here, because I would whisk you off and never let you go.” He sighed, “but life often sucks, so this is what I want for us. I want us to spend as much time as we possibly can together until I leave. Who knows, we may hate each other at the end, but until we try, I will always wonder if I missed my big opportunity to find the love of my life. At the end of the two weeks, we will know how to continue. I’m not opposed to a long distance relationship. Everyone says those never work, but I love proving people wrong. Plus the way I feel about you...”

I smiled, “me too.”

His hand released my hand to cradle my cheek. He then leaned down a kiss my lips. Each stroke of his lips caressing mine sent flames through my entire body. It was as if he was feeding oxygen to my deprived body. Loving me with each stroke. He was careful, not aggressive, but coaxing until I was a mindless mush.The way he laid on me, his legs cradling mine was the most secure I had ever felt, the most loved. When he finally pulled back, gazing into my eyes, he said,

“My God, what you do to me. You are wicked and innocent all rolled up in an angel. I want to make love to you but I don’t want to cheapen our relationship by doing it too quick.”

I lowered my eyelids. I hadn’t thought about sex. I mean I was enjoying everything he did and I have to admit my lower half of my body was wanting something I didn’t know how to satisfy. But no, I wasn’t ready for sex. Mostly I was afraid he would make fun of me for being so inexperienced but it was also too soon. Luckily he was giving me a way out without explaining why.

I nodded and he rolled off of me onto the mattress, placing his hand behind his head as he stared at the ceiling. I missed his warmth and instinctively rolled into him, placing my arm across his chest and my leg across his thighs.

“I have a feeling we won’t hate each other at the end of two weeks.” I said softly. “I think we fit too well for that.” I squeezed him to emphasize my point.

He nodded. It was such a special moment that was entirely ruined when Marie stomped back in.

“Well thank God you are both fully clothed! There seems to be a minor mishap downstairs with two guys who might have fought over me, and well the RA is looking for me. So...”

There was a knock on the door and my interlude was over. One thing that I have learned about Marie is that she never means for dudes to fight over her, and honestly she doesn’t lead anyone on, but she must excrete some hormone inducing agent that sets dudes off like wild animals. Oddly, though, my man never seemed bothered by her or even slightly interested. He kissed my neck as Marie walked to the door.

I’m really tired right now and I DO have some homework that I keep procrastinating. Lately it has been hard for me to concentrate on much. I don’t want my grades to slip, so I will write more tomorrow. I’m feeling pretty down. I want this exercise of purging to help me, but right now, writing and remembering these precious moments with HIM, it’s too painful to continue....Tomorrow then...

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