Chapter -17 : Sweet and Bitter !!
“Hele wait” Drake called from behind but my thoughts were still about what happened few minutes ago.
I didn’t turn around and ran into the water trying to calm my body and mind.
“Hele. Stop. Don’t get too much far” I could hear Drake practically screaming with his voice full of concern.
I knew I had to stop, but I didn’t want to, yet I did stop holding my knees with breathing heavy and heart pounding against my chest and water almost reaching my knees.
“What the hell were you trying to do Hele?’’ Drake came and stood next to me, I turned towards him could see him looking with anger and concern at the same time.
“Come with me” he practically dragged as a big wave hit us making us fall into the water and his grip on me became real tight.
“Never do this again Hele. Don’t run away from me” he begged once we gathered ourselves and walked towards the sand.
“Why?” I asked almost in a whisper
“why should I not stay away from you Drake?”
“I have already said you Hele. I want to be with you, take care of you and I am ready to be your friend if that’s what you are going to offer” his last words showed the hurt he was trying to gulp in.
“Friend? “ I asked questioningly
He frowned in confusion as I shook my head feeling a pang of disappointment. But I knew somewhere that he was saying that because of me. I wanted him but I didn’t want him. I could feel his eyes on me trying to decipher what was going withing me.
I sat on the shore with the waves hitting my legs and leaving into the water as calm as they could. He took his place beside me and looked towards the never ending sea.
“Hele..Can I ask you something?”
“Is there any chance that I can be something more than a friend to you. Please be honest”
I looked at him and he turned towards me at the same time. He looked as if , a No from me would shatter him into pieces which can never be picked up.
It is so, a No from me at this moment will break him from this moment. A yes to him now would shatter him after 5 months if we work as more than friends. Either way we both are going to be ruined. Should I really think of future and leave what’s right infront of me know. I didn’t even give a chance and am thinking of something that might happen. Is it right after knowing He and I have undeniable chemistry between us that sets fire on to our bodies with a mere touch of each other.
“Hele” he called softly yet with an anxiety.
I looked at him breaking from my thoughts. Bringing my hand and placing it right above his and pressing gently I leaned my head on his shoulder and whispered
“Ik wil weten wat meer betekent dan vrienden zijn”
(I want to know what more than being friends means)
He didn’t speak or reply which made me worry and I sat straight turning towards him and I could see he was trying to sink my words in as he didn’t bat his eyelashes and continued staring at me.
“Drake” I took his name and placed my hands on his cheeks
“Hele” he cupped my cheeks “You…you are not kidding right?”
I tried to shake my head but he cupping my cheeks made it difficult. “No..I am not Drake”
He placed his forehead over mine and taking a deep breath as if to control his emotions, closed his eyes and gently whispered “I cant believe you are giving us a chance. I seriously cant believe. You know what I want to do now?’’
He opened his eyes and looked at me
“I want to just shout now and announce to the whole world that YOU . HAVE. GIVEN. ME. A. CHANCE TO. BE. SOMETHING. MORE. THAN. BEING. FRIEND. WITH. YOU. I want to celebrate this moment. I want to stop this moment. I want to….” He hugged me.
Does my simple statement make him so happy? Why? Why does he make me feel special? Why am I so special to him?
I kept my thoughts away and hugged him back when he was about to pull away. But the moment I hugged him, he tightened our hug.
This feels so good. The warmth is a bliss.
“Thank you Hele”
“For giving us a chance”
“I want you to share anything and everything with me Hele. I am not perfect , I know but I can assure you I am not as much of a bad guy as you think. I want you to always speak your heart and not think what I would feel. I want you to be the real you with me.”
“Drake..I don’t know how this whole thing works. I am new to all this. I know I am comfortable being with you. I trust you Drake and this doesn’t come easy from me. I have something to tell before anything starts between us. At the same time I don’t know if this is the right time to say all that” I played with my fingers not looking at him.
His lifted my chin up making me meet at his eyes.
“Hele. There is no right time to say something that comes honestly from anyone. I am glad you want to speak out and trust me as much as it sounds scary but I want to know. Let it out Hele. Good or bad just let it out”
I looked at him, his eyes were oozing sincerity and care, one which I have never seen in any other person except Pearl in my life. Before I ruin the moment by speaking my heart I decided to do something and I was sure for the first time in my life that I wanted to do this.
I cupped his cheeks with my hands, closing my eyes and leaning towards him I placed my lips on his, I let my lips stay for a moment. Having no response from him, I tried to pull them back when he pulled me with force and deepened the kiss.
The feeling was indescribable. It was as if I was coming alive. The butterflies in my stomach were erupting the unnamed feelings as a surge of heat shot right to my core, releasing some wetness to form into a pool. Something that never happened before.
He held my waist and rubbed my bare back which made me moan and taking this as opportunity he plunged his tongue into mine making me grip his hair even tighter.
I didn’t care to think how much time we kissed but when we broke we both were panting as if we had run a marathon and were trying to catch the breath.
“That was…” he tried to say something
“don’t Drake. I was selfish to do that. But before you say something, let me tell you, I wanted to and I enjoyed and may be after you listen to me and if we both are on same page then, I would love to repeat it till I am with you”
He calmed himself and as I looked at the sea, he holding my hand and watching exactly where I am looking at, he said “Let it out Hele”
“Drake. There is no doubt that I feel something for you. I don’t know how to name what’s between us, but we have come far from being friends in a good way though.” I took a moment to make myself let everything out.
“Drake, all my life I have been controlled, insulted and put down. If I look back I can see only struggles. Happiness is something that I have hardly felt and the happy memories I made are with my granny and Pearl. So I can say I know the value of happiness. I also know that you want to make me happy and see me happy. But Drake …” I looked at him as he returned the look to me
“I don’t want to ruin your happiness”
“Hele…” before he could speak I placed my finger on his lips and shook my head
“Drake, you know I will be leaving to NY in 5 months. We have only 5 months to be together and in these 5 months if we grow close with each other, we both are going to get hurt at the end. I know how to take the pain, but I don’t know if I can see you in pain. I am attached to only one person that’s Pearl. To break my attachment and make myself ready to move away from her, I took the offer your mom has given me. Though its not the only reason it’s one of the important reason. Now I am scared of getting attached to you. We are practically living under the same roof spending almost all the time with each other. Now with me agreeing to being more than friends is going to worsen the state. I know I am being cruel to say all these after agreeing to something else. But this is the reality Drake and we have to face this reality in near future. I cant raise your hopes and then ditch you in most hurting way.”
I waited for him to speak but he didn’t say a word. We both sat quiet. I didn’t understand what to say further and what to expect further. As much as I cursed myself but I knew I had to make it clear. If whatever is there between him and I turns into a relation then there are only two possibilities for us to be together. One, he coming with me to NY and settling there with me, leaving his family and friends. Two, I leaving the opportunity I earned and staying with Drake. Both being impossible. Long distance would never be an option because as much optimistic I want to be, it seems too far from reality specially when we are continents apart.
When I pulled myself out of thoughts, I didn’t see Drake beside me. I turned back to see if he was somewhere near, but I couldn’t find. Even the towel we placed at some distance was also gone. A lone tear escaped my eyes and I couldn’t blame anyone else but me. I knew he wouldn’t want to do anything with me anymore other than being a colleague, I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t want to be my roommate anymore, but I knew its best for both of us. I wanted to cry on my fate, for being straightforward, for being honest, for ruining everything and I did…I let my tears fall at their will.
I didn’t know how much time I sat at the same spot but when I heard my name being called, I wiped my tears and turned to look at the person calling me. It was Bert. I waved my hand giving him a smile while he gestured to come back to the camping tent. I signalled him that I would be in a minute and he shouted Ok and ran back.
I swam for a little while and picking my towel and putting on my clothes over the bikini I went back to meet the other three. I touched my lips that tasted Drake and hurt him too – Sweet & Bitter both at the same time.