Chapter -36 : Realizations!!
“You have done nothing wrong so why do you feel embarrassed? I am so happy that you did all that alone. You are brave girl Hele but what you are doing now is pure cowardice”
“That’s enough Liam” I was angry for saying that I am coward
“Truth always hurt Hele and this is the truth”
“I am not cowards Liam. I am anything but coward”
“Is it. Then why are you running away from your happiness?”
“He asked me to leave Liam. Cant you understand this simple fact? I wanted him to stop me. But he asked me to leave. When I promised him that I would respect his decision , I decided to do what he wanted. How does this make me coward”
“He asked you to leave, you are leaving – perfect , but why couldn’t you say that you wanted to stay with him. Why did you not speak what you wanted?”
I went silent. Its true I never voiced my opinion.
“you will never have an answer for this Hele. You know why I called you coward because you were trying to protect your heart and in this process you got heartbroken to a higher notch than expected.
Did you ever let Drake know that “you love him” – I am sure “no”, everyone around including Drake and yourself know that “you both are madly in love with each other, but you guys were trying to test the waters all the time. Damn you both know , you need each other but never acted. In the end both of you are hurting.
Hele – our happiness is in our hands. If going away and staying away is the only solution then every couple who are in love and facing trouble would rot in sorrows all their lives”
I hate to admit that what he was saying is truth, but there was part of me that still wanted him to stop me. I don’t why, but it was important for me.
“Hele – You wanted him to stop you and I do understand why you wanted that, but did you ever think from his perspective?”
“His perspective ?” I looked at him
“Don’t you think he had reasons for asking you to leave?”
“I don’t know what his reasons are Liam and I don’t…”
“Ohh please – you definitely want to know. Don’t even pretend or lie.” We both went silent
“Hele… if my thought process is correct, he has asked you to leave only because he doesn’t want you to regret anything”
“The regret of not pursuing your dream. You have always said to Pearl, Bert and even Drake that you wanted to be an Investment banker and when the offer from Goldman Inc came, everyone saw how happy you were. Drake knew this is what you struggled for. When you both started seeing each other, you made very clear to him that you would move to NY and work there and become successful and show the world that you did it all alone. When Drake knows what this job means to you, then tell me how can he act selfish and stop you from chasing your dream which is at your footstep? I was numb as reality was dawning upon me , while he took a deep breath and continued
“Lets us assume he would have asked you to stay back and you would have even stayed back- in future if you both supposedly have an argument and in heat of moment had you said - that it was better if you had taken up the job instead of listening to him– can you even imagine how he would feel? He would die of guilt. ”
Silence surrounded us as Liam didn’t speak anything further and excused himself for washroom while I collapsed on the sofa and
Its true , he would never be able to forgive himself for stopping me if in future I would say such thing even if I don’t mean. He was allowing me to chase my dreams. He didn’t meet me and even say bye because he was equally hurting for taking that decision. I thought he doesn’t want me anymore but no, he was setting me free so that I make my choices. But …isn’t it too late. I have said that I will leave – he might be thinking that this is what I want. What did I do. Why couldn’t I drop my ego down and let him know that I want to stay with him now and forever. What should I do now? Leave or take a chance and stay ?
As soon as Mom and I reached Ghent we went straight to office to handle the urgent issues. It took the whole day to bring everything in order and there were still some minor issues to tackle. I asked mom to go home and rest while I stay back and handle. Mom was reluctant but she knew better than not to deny.
I didn’t for once check my mobile. I have to forget about Hele leaving forever and I immersed myself in work. It was almost midnight when I reached home and being tired with the work, I slept the moment I laid myself on my bed.
Its Saturday and I left to office to complete the rest of the work that was pending since Mom, Krystle and I were busy with Krissy’s wedding. While having coffee , I wanted to see in hope if there were any messages from Hele and picked my mobile only to find it dead. After putting it in charging, once again immersed myself in work.
It’s almost getting 4 in the afternoon and I quickly went to the cafeteria to pick a sandwich, when I came back I was shocked to see Steve waiting for me in my room.
“Steve” I said entering my cabin
“Drake” he smiled which didn’t reach his eyes
“I am pleasantly surprised seeing you here”
“I am sorry, I tried contacting you, first it was getting into your voice mail and then you didn’t pick call”
I quickly checked my mobile to find it in airplane mode. I must have put it while travelling and forgot to put it in normal mode.
“I am sorry. I didn’t realize it was in airplane mode”
“Its okay. I had to contact Mrs. Johnson and when I got to know you are in office I came here. Hope you don’t mind”
“No. Absolutely not. I am glad you came. But I am still curious as to why you are here?”
“To talk about Hele and you”
I frowned and looked at him “about Hele and I?”
“Drake I don’t know how to say things indirectly. I have never done that. So let me be honest and straightforward with whatever I am going to say”
“I would appreciate it”
“Do you love my sister ?”
I took a deep breath. No one has asked me so directly and I don’t want him to question my love
“Yes, I love Hele. More than anyone , even herself”
“Then why did you make the decision of letting her go?”
“Its her dream Steve, I cant tie her. She needs to fly and shine and I cant act selfish.”
“Do you think she is happy with your decision?”
“I…I don’t know…I just hope she is happy. She is free to pursue her career and become what she has always wanted – a successful Investment banker”
“Why are you smiling?”
“You know her aim, dream and aspiration. You claim that you know her and love her " he paused before continuing " but sadly you never understood what she truly wants”
“What does that mean”
“She wants to be with you -That's her real happiness. Its her dream and its what she wants at this point of her life and if I am not wrong forever.”
“This cant be true. She has never….”
“I know she never said that, but couldn’t you see how happy she is when she is with you or around you. You helped her forget all the hardships she faced in life. You became her strength and happiness and trust me I am and will always be grateful and thankful to you for this. But ….”
He sighed and continued
“When Hele was leaving our house few months back, none of us – who is rather was her family have stopped her from leaving. She was broken and I knew it. She wanted atleast one single person among us to ask her to stay back. But that never happened. She was always made to feel like a burden in our lives. My parents, my wife has even said it on her face and am very ashamed to say that I couldn't speak or do anything at that time.
She is scared Drake. She wanted you to make a decision for her only because she wanted to make sure that you truly want her in your life. She wanted you to stop her so that she would feel that there is atleast a single person apart from her only best friend Pearl who doesn’t feel that she is a burden.
Her childhood and teenage were never easy. She struggled all alone. She became confident to face any challenges – but she has that insecurities built in when the matters are related to heart. She just wanted an assurance from you. An assurance that you would never leave her like her family did.
I don’t know if you have ever realized but everyone who saw you both have always known that you both are madly in love with each other.
I felt the ground slipping beneath me. What the eff have I done. Offcourse this is why she asked me to make a decision and being the asshole I am , I asked her to leave. I didn’t effing meet her for a final time to say bye. Would she ever forgive me for what I said and did
“She didn’t sleep the whole night because she wanted to see you one last time while you were leaving from Valentia.”
I felt my hand and body going numb listening to what Steve was saying. How can I be so stupid and dumbass
“Drake I have not come here to make you feel guilty or make you realize anything. I just wanted you to know what you didn’t know , see or expect. I don’t know what future holds for you both but I know for sure that Hele will never step into this country ever in her life. She is leaving and she is leaving heartbroken and taking her insecurities with her. She might never let any person in her life again if I know her enough. You are and will be the only man in her life even if you move on”
“No…” I yelled and he stared at me shocked
“I can never move on without her. I need her as much as she needs me. She needs to know this. I never thought in her perspective. I always thought that I cannot tie her with me killing her dreams. I never wanted her to regret of not pursuing her career.”
“Drake please…please relax”
“How….how can I relax when I know she is leaving. I need to stop her. I don’t want to do it over phone. I want to hold her when I say that I love her and need her in my life. I want to see her when she smiles widely with all the love in her eyes after my confession. I need to go, meet her”
I stopped. What if she is already gone. Will she meet me if I go to NY or will she say its too late? Where is she exactly now?
“She is leaving at 8:00 PM tonight along with Liam in his private jet.” Steve said as if he knew what I was thinking
I checked the time and its almost 5:30 PM. They must be on their way to airport. I tried to call Liam because I know Hele wouldn’t pick her call. It was going to voice message.
“I need to rush Steve. I cannot sit here and do nothing. I will try to call and reach there before 8.”
“Do you want me to drive I can come along”
“Thank you for your offer Steve. But I need to do this alone” I rushed out but came back and hugged Steve for making me realize and thanked him. He wished me success and I started driving towards Schiphol airport not caring about speed. I need to reach her.
“Hele … I am sorry…please don’t leave. Wait for me. I am coming. Please wait for me”