“Jesus christ?” I asked without thinking.
He opened the door and said ‘Jesus Christ’. That was the reaction to seeing me. I was stabbed with guilt and rejection.
“Sorry, it just came out.” He had wide eyes scanning around him, clearly wanting to hurry inside so he’s not seen. I don’t know who he thinks he would be seen by, his circles of upper class friends don’t live anywhere near this area.
“Come in,” I stepped aside. I was disappointed, but I didn’t know why I was disappointed. What was I wanting? For him to jump on me? That should have been the last thing I wanted. I knew he was here to do one thing, tell me he’s made a mistake.
“I mean..er. I just saw the reality of it all again.” He was looking at his feet like a child. He still stood tall over me, awkwardly. “I mean, I tried to talk myself out of all this, what happened last week. Well, seeing you, just kind of made it reality again.”
“Look we’ve made this into a big thing,” I put on the kettle, as an automatic going through the motions of inviting someone into my flat. I clicked it back off again eyeing the wine. What would keria of half the wine gone and two dirty glasses in the sink. I got two bottles of beer out the fridge and popped the tops off.
I handed him one without asking if he wanted it. He drank it like it was a bottle of water after a run. I liked that about him, nothing more annoying than a grown man who’s too up himself to have a beer. I carried on with what I was saying, after the awkward silence of me getting the beers.
“Erm,” I attempted to continue, tension hung in the air. “I don’t know what to fucking say. It’s not a big thing really, it was a few seconds or minutes. Are we making it a bigger thing than it should be?”
“Shall we just never mention it to anyone, forget it ever happened. I mean not tell friends or anyone you know how it can be.” He looked hopeful as he spoke.
“Yes. I mean Nina finding out would be terrible for me as well.”
“She would kill me, she really would.”
“Or sack me.”
He suddenly laughed.
“What?” I said, taking a swig of beer confused.
“Are we both under the thumb?” I burst out laughing, he was right, we were both under Nina’s thumb, she held the power.
My job, income, reference and only social life. And the big, posh house she and Matt share she inherited. She’s from the kind of family with holiday homes. He signed a prenup. Although he is a very successful journalist so it’s not like he would be living in squalor without her bottomless fund, difference was, she would have a job as a hobby and he would have a job to make money.
“I think we are a bit under the thumb.” I admitted.
“I could be under the thumb with someone worse,” as he said it I felt that pull in the bottom of my stomach again. My eyes kept drawing towards him and I had to keep dragging them away, pretending to be looking at something.
He was flirting, that must have been flirting. I froze, not finding words.
“The feast for me?” he nodded to the snacks.
“Actually, they’re for all the married men I have coming for a gang bang later.” I kicked myself, I was not with Kiera, it was not appropriate for dirty jokes. He paused staring at me in horror for half a second and then he let out a few chuckles.
“Girls night later.” I said, feeling the need to explain myself and instantly after I said it, thinking, why do I need to explain myself?
He looked at his watch, minutes had passed and yet it felt like years. Then he looked at me, right at my eyes. Then down over my boobs and legs. We stood in silence a little longer staring at each other.
“Why do you make me feel so nervous? When I’m with you I either can’t shut up, and I go on and on and on. Sometimes I say nothing and that’s even worse. No this is worse. Shit.” Fuck. I had let it out, that was basically an admission to everything. I looked down.
“You make me nervous too. I want to tell you that your not like other girls but that is a stupid thing to say, and so I say nothing. Is it worse to be corny?”
“That is very corny,” but it gives me butterflies. “I like it.”
He drained the remaining half of his beer. I copied him for something to do. I could sit down and so could he but we just stood more than an arm’s reach. I put my beer down on the worktop, while I did I edged closer to him. He did the same. Our beer bottles were side by side. The skin on the outside of our fingers millimeters away, and mine tingling.
“What will we do?” I said in a soft low voice. Looking from the ground and up to him. He was staring down at my boobs and he took another step closer to me. I could smell him, he smelt amazing.
“I don’t know.” He whispered, then he let our outer fingers touch as we still gripped the beer bottles.
I was so close to his face now I could kiss him with the tilt of my head. I wanted to and I couldn’t and he was the only one I wanted.
I felt as if I could try for the rest of my life to find someone I actually got excited about, but it would never come close. I looked down towards our hands gripping the beers and our fingers touching.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. He didn’t do that annoying thing of bending down to see my face or, worse, lift my chin. He just stood as he was.
“I can’t tell you.” I sulked. My fantasies and stupid obsessiona where what was wrong.
“You have to now, you’ll drive me insane if you don’t, you mentalist.”
“I’m sure nothing as embarrassing as me coming on to you post kebab.”
“I thought I kissed you?” I didn’t really know or care what way around it was, all I knew was that I came on stronger. Even if he made the first move. “It doesn’t matter because I was all needy and self loathing and touchy feely?”
“Are you mad?”
“I couldn’t stop myself,” he rolled his eyes at himself. “Whatever excuse that is.”
“We’re analyzing.” I pointed out.
“No you’re, skirting around my question.”
“I may as well tell you then.” I took a dramatic deep breath and took a long pause. Hoping he would get the joke. He smiled, yes he must not think I’m that weird.
“I fancy you. Like in a bad way. And now you know. And Nina is my friend. And I try to not. And I am mental.”
“Fuck!” He put his hands over his face. I looked down, he was hard straining at his jeans. I felt satisfied.
He lowered his hand and shook his head. “I want to say fuck it, and you to say fuck it.”
I paused, he wanted this. He was still so close.
“Fuck it, I don’t care about anything right now.” I said. His eyes widened. I don’t think he was expecting me to say that, and now I’m coming on too strong, shit. What have I done! I held my breath and stared at him.
Matt wrapped his strong arm around my waist and pressed his warm strong body against me. I was shaking. He kissed me gently and slowly. I was tingling all over and I had that pulling feeling that was so strong, I felt as if I needed to release this feeling immediately before I exploded. I was nervous though, afraid to make any wrong moves.
Matt, with one arm around my waist put one hand around the back of my thigh, I put my arms around his neck staring into his eyes as he lifted my onto the kitchen worktop.
I felt on fire against the cool worktop underneath me, I parted my legs and wrapped them around his waist.
I pushed my boobs against his chest as he kissed me hard. He put a hot hand underneath my t-shirt and he cupped my boobs before teasing my nipples.
I arched my back and he pulled up my t-shirt. He took a deep breath and leaned back a little, kneading over my thin lace bra.
“I’ve wanted this for so long.” He said in a deep sigh, he pulled off his t-shirt and I pulled him back towards me, his skin on mine felt incredible. He unclipped the back of my bra and took my nipple in his mouth sucking.
“Stop.” I commanded, I needed my jeans off of me right now. With a sudden surge of confidence I pushed him back, jumping to my feet and undid my jeans dropping them to the floor.
He kissed me, rubbing the front of my white lace thong. Before he dropped his jeans and boxers. It hung hard and throbbing in front of him. We stood apart for a moment, surprised and wanting.
I dropped down to my knees. I sucked as deeply as I could, I was throbbing under my thong. I stood up and he pulled me into him, pulling my thong down. He rubbed between my legs roughly, the friction made my hips rock with the rhythm. He was so good, I was still shaking.
He communicated with a look, a look of ‘I want you now’. I spun around in response, bending over the cool worktop. He held my hips with his big hands, before kneading and slapping my cheeks.
“Please? I can’t wait.” I begged, looking back over my shoulder at him.
“Fucking hell.” He said as he pushed slowly inside of me, I held my breath. He was big, it was a lot, it hurt. It hurt in the most amazing way. He started to move slowly, I let out gasps and gripped the edge of the worktop. and then faster and deeper. I let out a cry.
“Are you okay?” He asked, pulling out a little and gently rocking his hips so that he pulsed inside me.
“Yes, harder.” I commanded bracing myself. He put a hand on my shoulder and slammed hard. The friction ripping through me was like nothing I’ve ever felt before. I gasped the orgasm building.
He leaned back, firmly holding and pounding. I moaned loudly, I could feel myself convulsing. I was soaking wet and squirting.
“Fucking hell!” He thrusted hard and moaned. After he came he stayed inside me, bending down holding me and panting.
He pulled out and put his arm around my front. He held my boob and lifted me slowly so my back was pressed up against him. He held my throat with his other hand gently, and whispered into my ear.
I was panting and unable to say anything in response. I felt powerful with his large wet dick against the small of my back.
I turned around and kissed him slowly. I looked at him for a moment, he was so handsome, I could look at that face forever. He had pink in his tanned face, and a glow. He was looking into my eyes, stroking my long hair.
“I’m sorry.” He said.
“I had to do this.” I admitted, his face eased.
“That was incredible.” He took my face in his hands and kissed the top of my head. He wrapped his arms around me and held me for a few moments.
“Shit,” I said, pulling away from him, I grabbed my phone and checked the time. I didn’t have long before keria was due, and I thought in horror, back to when she showed up a half hour early the other week because she was bored.
I felt suddenly aware I was naked and the heat was draining from me. I stepped back feeling cold and bare. I wanted to step back into his big warm arms so badly.
“I’m sorry, Keiras coming over. Can I kick you out?” I stumbled nervously over my words. I had that intense interaction and was still too nervous to talk to him.
He was smiling. The guilt hadn’t hit us yet and I never wanted it to.
“You do this to all your married men you have over.” What? I suddenly remembered the joke I made about the food and wine earlier and relaxed.
“Just the ones that have the half hour slot.” I joked, he was grinning at me as I pulled my clothes back on and rummaged through my handbag by the door for a hairbrush. He was staring at me as I brushed through my sex hair in the living room mirror.
He was slowly pulling on his jeans, as I reapplied my lipstick and fanned my red cheeks, his rough stubble felt so manly on my pale soft cheeks.
I looked back over to him and smiled, he smiled back and gave me a wink before pulling his coat on and leaving. I wanted deep inside myself to beg him to stay and hide out in my bedroom.