I woke in my room that was dimly lit in red color. I glance up at the led lights stuck on my ceiling that emitted the devilish color, I begin to admire them before becoming uninterested I begin to focus on my other surroundings.
My eyes proceed to start drifting from the TV that was set up on a little nightstand, to the hamper next to my door filled to the brim with dirty clothes.
My mind starts to wander as I take my attention from one thing to another. My breathing goes heavy as I quickly begin to glance around in fear of the unknown, my palms sweat while I still sit up in the middle of my bed. I knew what was happening, a panic attack was formulating, and before it got too intense something happened that caused it to simmer down.
"Mai'a can you come down and help me with the groceries" I heard my dad in the distance. His soft voice made me feel calm. It brought me back down to earth, I begin to relax from the immense unknown fear that was holding onto me before.
Knowing that my dad was near me helped me ground myself. He always knew how to help me control my panic attacks, unlike my mom who would just claim that it was because of my weight. My dad was my savior you could say.
When I got diagnosed a year ago at age 15 everything changed. Of course, I still had my mood swings, manic episodes, and panic attacks, but the atmosphere in my house shifted.
My mom had always believed that mental illness was just a myth so when I was told that I had bipolar disorder she nearly left my dad and myself stranded. She claimed I was just unique when people asked about me. I could tell she was ashamed of me.
However, my dad knew what I was going through he knew the pain and suffering that I felt nearly every day was real. His mom, my grandma suffered from schizophrenia, my mom says that she's the reason that I'm messed up.
After calming down a bit I walk down the stairs to the living room I see bags of food lined up by the door blocking the entrance. I stroll over to the bags slowly and I reach down to grab a few of them. I start walking to the kitchen with the bags in my hands when the front door flies open.
My two little brothers Kaden and kyle walk into the room. They had nerf guns armed and ready to shoot. The boys look at me with mischievous smiles and they glance back at each other smirking.
Before I can speak they begin shooting at me, the little darts hit me numerous times mostly around my leg area. I drop the bags and use my hands to shield my face. They shoot about 10 more darts in various areas on my body. Once they finish attacking me they let out high pitched laughs at the anger that was plastered on my face.
"You little brats" I walk towards them with my hands formulated In a choking motion. Their faces fall from satisfied smirks to nervous pouts as I get closer to them.
They both yelp then scurry away like little mice, perks of having twin 11-year-old brothers, you can torture them without feeling bad because they do the same to you.
I can't help but let out a hearty laugh at their fear, I'd never actually hurt them. Unless...joking I'm just joking.
Turning back to the groceries scattered around our small kitchen. I look at the curtains that were decorated with little frogs on them covering the back door. Everything in the house had a frog somewhere. My mom really had a thing for them, from frog mugs to plates with little frogs trimming them. It was more of an obsession than just a fascination with them.
I hear my brothers' footsteps fade as they go upstairs to their bedrooms.
I was putting cans away in the cabinet when I heard the front door open and my bickering parents enter the home. They sounded like they were arguing about our finances, I never noticed how much or how little money we had. Sure I didn't have the latest phone but, I still had one.
"Maybe we can open a business to make a little more money," My mom said in a suggestive tone. I could tell she was whining to my dad from the sound of her voice. It was pitiful truly.
"Honey we aren't starting a business we live a comfortable life as is" My dad spoke slowly as if she wasn't understanding. He was always more rational than my electrified mom.
My phone that was in the pocket of my pajama pants dinged indicating that someone had texted me. I knew exactly who it was because only one person ever texted me, it was my best Sherry. Of course I had other friends but they rarely texted me, they were more of 'in person' friends. I didn't bother opening it immediately and continued putting away groceries because I was almost done. My parents resumed their conversation as I was in the kitchen.
"Maybe if we cut down some costs we can live a more luxurious life, let's say stop buying Mai'a's meds she doesn't need them anyhow." She pitched in a chipper tone.
My mom was out to get me, she hated me for having an illness I can't control.
"Okay, that's enough out of you Brenda what's wrong with you? How can you treat your daughter this way?" My dad's voice faded away as he entered a different room that was further away. I knew my mom had followed him because I heard her heavy footsteps stomp after his.
I observed they're arguing that was distantly heard from the back room that belonged to them. I didn't understand why my dad never left my mom, love is blind I guess but this love was hanging off a cliff above crocodiles.
I left the kitchen once I finished putting the food away. I walked through our living room towards the stairs as I strutted up the stairs I passed the boy's room to see them playing video games.
I glided to my room that was still dimly lit with red color. I checked my surroundings before closing the door engulfing myself in the room. I sat on the edge of my bed and whipped my phone out of my pocket to check my text from Sherry.
Sherry: Want to go to this party tonight?
The question caught me off guard, Sherry and I weren't the partying type as far as I knew. I anticipated the question. My anxiety is screaming NO don't go.
What will happen if I don't go?
And what if I do go?
Is it dangerous?
Thinking too much Mai'a, just relax and say no.
Me: No thanks.
I stuff my phone underneath my pillow and lay my head on it. I knew I was going to fall asleep the second my head hit the pillow. It was a side effect of my medication.
My eyelids feel heavier and heavier each time I blink like every blink was coxing me to fall asleep and I gave in drifting off without worrying about what was to come next.
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