I Need You To Hate Me

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It’s scary how one person suddenly can walk into your life and turn everything upside down. It’s even more scary that every minute I spend with Ace it’s like nothing else matters. And I’m absolutely terrified that Ace could leave my life as quickly as he came in.

But something is telling me, he’s not going to. Something is telling me to give this – whatever it is – a shot because I don’t want to be left with a what if.

Maybe it’s the way he makes me feel something, more than anyone else has – or maybe it’s the way he portrays himself that hides who he truly is. He puts on a hard exterior and it’s not until some of his walls break down that you can see he’s not really that asshole that he made everyone believe he was from the start.

“There’s something I want to do,” Ace tells me, still leaning over me.

“And what’s that?” I ask biting my lip, concealing a small smile.

“Come with me.”

“We can’t just leave everyone, I can’t leave Asher,” I tell him, but he narrows his eyes at me as if that’s the most ridiculous thing I have ever said.

“I’ll be back, stay here,” he says, turning out of the small space that we’ve been confined to for the last five minutes.

Not even a minute goes by when he comes back and flashes me a smile, “Let’s go.”

“What did you tell them?”

He smirks and my cheeks flush in embarrassment. Is he implying something?


“I’m joking,” he shoots me a wink and takes my hand in his. His hand is warm and fits perfectly with mine.

He leads me through the stalls in the opposite direction of the group. It isn’t until we are standing in front of the ferris wheel that I realise that this is what he wants to do.

He wants to ride the ferris wheel with me.

My heart races.

He pays for the ticket and the operator who looks bored to be on the job opens the cabin door for us, rushing us through.

Ace takes the seat opposite to me but the space feels so small and intimate. My knee is in between his. He places his hands on either side of it, his fingers brushing my thigh.

Our silence more powerful than words.

I want to ask him lots of questions about Lexi and who baby is but it feels wrong to ruin this moment.

I look out through the open bars and watch the town unfold in front of us. The darkness of the sky separating the civilization. I have always been fascinated with the world above us. With the galaxies and stars – I could watch them for hours. The feeling that it induces in me is the one of wonder and contemplation.

Wonder in many phases, such as wondering what I cannot truly decipher with my eyes. Wondering what is really happening in other galaxies and wondering of alternate realities. Different possibilities.

We are at the highest point and suddenly come to a sudden halt. My eyes snap to Ace, he doesn’t seem bothered.

“Why are we stopped?” I ask.

These things didn’t usually stop. Shit.

“It must have broken down, I’m sure they’ll fix it soon,” he says blankly.

My breathing quickens rapidly and I close my eyes trying remember how to fill my lungs.

“What are you doing?” he asks amused.

“I’m scared of heights,” I say almost to myself like a reminder. I don’t know what I was thinking. I wasn’t thinking – I am irrational with Ace.

“Then why didn’t you say so before we got on?” his lips curve at the edges.

“I – I forgot,” I tell him.

“You forgot you were scared of heights when getting on the tallest ride here?” he laughs.

“Yes,” I reply annoyed that he’s laughing at me. I know how stupid that sounds, but Ace makes me forget my fears and I probably wouldn’t have remembered if we didn’t break down in the middle of the fucking air.

I place my head in my hands and try to count to ten to calm my breathing.

“Hey, look at me,” Ace tells me.

I shake my head, but he peels my hands away from my face and takes them in his. I realise he is kneeling in front of me, looking up at me and instantly I feel calmness enclosing me. I haven’t known Ace for long but the connection between us is almost remarkable, I’m drawn to him in a way I have never experienced before.

“We’re all afraid of something.”

“What are you afraid of?” I ask.

He doesn’t reply and I begin to think he’s not going to answer.


He drops his gaze from mine and his mouth sets into a hard line.

“I have these…episodes sometimes where I can’t control my anger,” he explains.

It surprises me that he is being this open. I think back to the first day I met him, and I remember how angry he was, to the point where Zach had to stop him from breaking things in his room. However, I remember clearly that Zach didn’t have a scratch on him.

“What causes umm… these episodes?” I ask.

He shrugs, not answering.

I know exactly why he has told me this, a reminder that’s he not good for me. But a reminder for who – himself or me? “You haven’t hurt anyone,” I state.

I know he hasn’t, he wouldn’t.

“I might,” he tells me, I feel his grip tighten around my hand.

“You won’t.”

He looks at me and clenches his jaw, “You don’t know that. Fuck! I don’t even know that.”

I place my hand on his cheek, “You’re not a bad person, Ace. You may have done bad things but…” I shake my head trying to find the rights words to make him understand, “I don’t care about what you did, it doesn’t matter to me, I just wish you would see that.”

His takes my hand, the one that’s on his cheek and brings it down to his mouth – brushing his lips against my fingers, forcing butterflies to erupt in my stomach.

I forgot we are stopped mid-air so when we begin to move it almost startles me, ruining our moment.

On the way back to the house we get ice-cream and I laugh more than I have ever before. My cheeks hurt from the unfamiliar movement and even though it’s freezing cold, my body is high on endorphins.

“You’re not going to be sleeping anytime soon, are you?” Ace asks when we step into the house.

I shake my head, knowing that my sleeping pattern is terrible but I’d rather stay awake. I don’t want to dream.


A small smile forms on my lips and I nod. I like to be alone but I found myself liking to be alone with Ace more. A part of me is wanting to spend as much time as I can with him before tomorrow, just in case this only lasts till then.

I tell him I’ll be down in a few minutes as I head upstairs. I have a shower and change into his hoodie and pyjama shorts. I brush my teeth and head to his room unable to shake the nervousness.

He’s sitting on the bed with a movie ready to go, he pushes start when he sees me and I instantly recognise it, The Lion King – or according to Ace, the best movie ever made.

I sit next to him on his bed and wraps his arm around me.

I trace the tattoos on his hand, I hadn’t really taken much notice to them but now I’m memorising every single line. I wasn’t into tattoos but on Ace they looked enticing and sexy.

I look up towards him and he is watching me. How long has he been watching me for? My eyes set on his mouth and as if reading my mind, he lowers his lips to mine.

I could never get use to kissing Ace, the way his mouth moves against mine makes dizzy. I climb on top of him without breaking the kiss and he places his hands on my hips, pulling me closer towards him. We take time exploring each other but somehow it all feels so familiar, like our bodies belong together.

I tug at his shirt and wonder why the hell he decided to keep it on today out of all days. I want it off, I want to feel the warmth of his skin underneath my fingers. He understands, removing it with one swift movement. I waste no time running my hands against the hardness of his chest and gently digging my nails into him.

“Fuck, Calla,” he curses under his breath and lowers his lips to my neck, I can’t help the moan that escapes my lips. My heart is slamming against my chest and I can’t get enough, the feeling is cosmic.

I can feel his hardness below me and I move my hips against it. He easily flips me over on my back, pinning me to the bed somehow keeping our kiss intact – never faltering.

He pulls away too soon, both of us trying to catch our breath.

“I’m going for a shower,” he tells me, jumping off the bed and heading towards the bathroom.

“A cold one?”

“Hmm?” his head snaps back at me.

“Nothing,” I say biting my lip, hiding a smile.

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