I Need You To Hate Me

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It’s been five minutes, what seems like the longest five minutes of my life. My phone hasn’t stopped ringing but I have kind of relaxed. If by ‘kind of’ you mean my whole body is shaking and I’m on the verge of about to lose my sanity then yeah, I’m kind of okay.

I reach for my phone and swipe the screen, putting it to my ear.

“Calla,” his voice is deep and I place a hand over my face.

“I didn’t mean to send it to you,” I quickly say.

“No? Who did you have in mind then?” He asks with an edge to his voice.

That makes me smile, “Ace, are you jealous?”

“I want to see you,” he tells me, ignoring my question.

“I’m coming back in a few days.”

“No, I want to see you now,” he emphasizes.

I roll my eyes. Impatient like always.

“It’s a two-hour drive,” I close my eyes and lay down on my bed.

“I’ll be there in less than one,” he says.

“Ace, that’s reckless.”

There’s silence and I press my lips together.

“I want to be reckless for you,” he tells me.

I can’t breathe. There are times like these when he says these things that I swear make my heart stop beating.

“I’ll wait, just please drive carefully.”

He tells me to text him my address and I do. My heart is pounding out of my chest. I’m so nervous. Why am I so nervous to see him? I brush my teeth and pace around my bedroom, lucky that I took all of my posters down before leaving for college.

I glance in the mirror. Should I put clothes on? I check my wardrobe and find a silky robe. I try it on in front of the mirror and then take it off again.

What the hell am I doing? I look stupid.

I leave the lace underwear on because I don’t have any other ones but shove the silky robe back in the wardrobe. Instead, I go to my bag and pull out a long white t-shirt, pulling it over my head.

I hear Ace’s bike pull up. He is here already? That was definitely less than an hour.

He’s at my front door and wearing black jeans with a black hoodie. My favourite colour on him. I open the door wider for him to come in.

Ace looks me up and down and a small grin forms on his face, “You look...nice.”

He knows what’s underneath my shirt and my cheeks heat up. I swallow, “Hmm?” I close the door behind me and when I turn around he’s watching me.

Wrapping his arm around my waist, he pulls me towards his chest, “I said you look nice.”

I try to slow down my breathing before I answer, so he doesn’t realise what he’s doing to me, “Nice?” I raise my eyebrows.

He places his other hand on the door behind me and brings his lips centimetres from mine, “Calla, you look fucking perfect.”

So much for slowing down my breathing. I meet his lips with mine and I swear the whole world stops. It’s just me and him. I take the time to bring my hands around his neck and gently tug on his hair, I can feel his lips slightly twitch into a smile.

I don’t think I ever will get used to kissing Ace, the feeling is so much more than I could ever describe. His tongue meets mine and my legs go weak. His hands travel down to my thighs, pushing me against the door and gripping me tighter.

“Tell me to stop and I will,” he says and places one of his hand on my inner thigh. Oh my...

“Don’t,” I mumble against his lips.

I squeeze my eyes shut because being with Ace is so intense. He pulls away noticing my shift, “Calla, we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.”

I open my eyes and meet his. The way he looks at me makes my head dizzy.

“Ace, I want to. I really want to,” I tell him. I push his lips back onto mine. He kisses me softly this time, savouring every moment and gently biting my lip. He lifts me up and I wrap my legs around his waist.

He inhales deeply and I can feel him against me.

“Down the hallway, first right,” I murmur against his skin before he asks where my room is. I place soft kisses down his jaw with both of my hands around his neck.

He places me on my bed and I take my shirt off, revealing the red set that got us here in the first place.

His eyes scan me and I watch the way his sharp jaw tenses. I feel absolutely naked underneath his gaze.

He’s already seen you naked.

Without realising I go to place my hand over my chest. “No,” he says and takes my hands pinning them on either side of me.

He leans down and brushes his lips against my throat and then down my chest. I know he can feel and hear my heart beating for his touch and he traces the material of my bra with his index finger.

Goosebumps race up my arms.

Ace continues to kiss down my body, leaving me breathless.

“Is this okay?” He tugs on my underwear with his fingers and looks up to meet my eyes. I nod biting my lip and he lowers his mouth, taking them off with his teeth.

I gasp when he kisses me, down there and then pulls away and gently blows on it. The coolness of the air drives me insane.

I pull on his hair and bringing him up to my face and before I can tell him to take shirt off he does. I love feeling warm skin against mine and I love kissing him. I love kissing Ace.

I end up on straddling his lap, with his fingers in between my legs. His lips never leaving mine but still managing to whisper against mine, “Fuck... Calla, you’re so sexy.”

I move my hips back and forth on his hand, setting my own speed and I can feel his lips curving into a smile while he’s watching me.

“That’s it, ride my fingers baby,” he says against my neck and that’s all it takes for me to dig my nails into his shoulder and tilt my head back.

“Ace,” I moan his name and he lowers his mouth to my jaw, my neck, my chest while I experience the feeling of ecstasy rushing through my core.

I place my head against his shoulder, trying to catch my breath.

“That was...”

“Nice?” I ask.

He laughs, his breath hitting the crook of my neck just below my ear, “No - enticing. You’re fucking enticing, Calla,” he tells me, placing a soft kiss on my shoulder.

I place my hands on the waistband of his jeans but he catches my fingers knowing what I’m trying to do. “Not tonight, I didn’t bring a condom,” he tells me and kisses my mouth distracting me from my thoughts.

We talk for what seems like hours and he plays with my hair. I almost fall asleep but I keep forcing my eyes open. I don’t want this moment to end. I stifle my yawn.

“Ace?” I say when we fall into our comfortable silence.


“Why did you hate me when we first met?” I ask the question that’s been on my mind.

I feel him stiffen and he doesn’t answer for a few minutes. “I didn’t. I wanted you to hate me...I need you to hate me,” he finally says.

“I don’t,” I tell him and he doesn’t say anything. His fingers tracing my back.

I can’t keep my eyes open any longer, I fall into the darkness and I don’t have a single dream.

I wake up with the sun piercing through my curtains, memories from last night flood my memory but Ace is gone. I check my phone and there is a text from him at five in the morning.

Sorry I had to go, I’ll call you.

I don’t know what to say. I do feel a little hurt that he just left when I was sleeping. I decide not to overthink it and wait till he calls me.

I get dressed and go to pick up my dad from the hospital. The only thing on mind is Ace and how he made me feel last night. Like no one else.

It felt so intimate and real.

For the next couple of days, I spend time with my dad. The doctor said it’s unlikely for another heart attack to happen, he’s not even sure what caused the first one. My dad takes care of himself, he’s in perfect health.

“Thank you for coming Cals, but you can see yourself I’m fine,” my dad tells me placing a kiss on my forehead on his first day back at work.

I don’t call Ace, he said he would call me. I don’t want to seem like the needy girlfriend because I’m neither of those things. But every night that I lay in my bed, the memories play on repeat. He’s like an addiction.

By Friday, a few days after that night, he still hasn’t called and today is the day I’m driving back to college. There was no point in staying, all I did was sit at home all day while my dad went to work. I could see he was fine but it’s still hard to leave him.

The drive back to the house goes quick, maybe because I’m nervous to see Ace. We haven’t spoken in days and I wonder if he’s changed his mind about this. About us. I pull up and park my car at the front of the driveway.

Liv and Zach aren’t here but Ace’s bike is out the front.

I take a breath and the only thing I can hear is the sound of my heart beating. I stick my key inside the lock and twist the handle. When the door opens, the disturbing noise from Ace’s bedroom makes my stomach drop.

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