I glanced at the mirror for one last time and picked the bunch of red roses kept on the table. Seeing myself on a suit and roses on my hand I was feeling awkward inside as I had never done that before. Finally, after two years I was going to confess my love in front of her.
Before walking out of my room I popped my head out to check if anyone was around. When I found no movement taking deep breath I secretly sneaked out of my room and walked out of the house as fast as I can, making sure no one to see me so that I need not to be embarrassed in front of them.
For the first time in a while I thought to walk on my foot leaving my bike behind. But going little further soon I regretted it when people passed strange stare on me. Why wouldn’t they as it was their first time seeing a man like me carrying flowers on his hand. Trying to ignore them all I kept on moving feeling excited. But the excitement turned into nervousness when I was getting closer. My heart rate increased out so loud that I was able to hear its rhythm clear on my head.
When her house got visible I noticed that it was decorated beautifully with flowers and lights with loud music playing on the background. I was surprised with the sight I was seeing. Her home premise was all filled with lots of people. I stood outside the gate for long time waiting to get her one glimpse.
After a while, a car decorated with flowers arrived just in front of me. I walked to the other side of the road and fixed my gaze at her home like the old times. People started to come out of the gate one after another. My gaze was totally fixed on the gate thinking she would emerge in any second.
Finally when a girl in bridal dress stepped out of the gate I went numb. I took a step back tightening my grip with my gaze fixed on her. Bride in red gown was none other than her. It was her. My crush, my lover, the girl whom I had loved for so long and for whom I was standing there with red roses on my hand.
She was looking so beautiful on red bridal dress but I wish she had worn it for me. I watched her every move from distance noticing her eyes which were so cold and tough. She was not shedding single drop of tears. Even though her parents were hugging her tight and crying out loud.
When she was about to get on the car her eyes suddenly fall on me. She instantly shifted her gaze from my face to my hand and back to my face. I hurriedly took my hand back trying to hide the flowers from her which she had already seen. And I didn’t even know why I did so as she didn’t know that the flowers on my hand were for her.
She looked deep into my eyes. I tried to ignore her gaze but I was not able to do so. Our eyes got locked up for a while until I noticed her eyes softening and tears welling up which drew me back to my reminiscence.
It was my first night in my room returning from rehabilitation centre. Instead of thinking about my further life I was already thinking about drugs. I was just waiting for the dawn desperately so that I could go to my friend and take the shots. Whole night I twisted and turned not able to sleep.
Finally when sun began to peep through the curtains I immediately got up. I climbed down the bed, drew the curtains to the side and stood by the window stretching my arms and yawning. Suddenly my eyes fall on a girl walking on the pavement wearing black uniform. A handbag was tucked on her arms and she had long black hair nicely combed into ponytail.
I was not able to take my eyes off her. Her complexion was dark with dimples on either side of her cheeks. I found her as the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life. I kept on staring at her until she completely vanished from my sight.
For the first time in my life I found myself longing to see someone more than taking drugs. When she was gone I wanted to see her again. I wanted to know everything about her. But sadly I was not able to find anything about her. I just kept on watching her every morning from my window and fall in love deeper and deeper.
The sudden loud horn of the car pulled me back from my deep reveries. I looked around and found myself standing alone on the side of the road. Everyone including she was gone leaving me all alone. It was very difficult for me to figure out whether I was dreaming or not.
Girl who I had deep feeling for years got on the car as a bride and was gone for forever. I was feeling so weak to stand and I was not even able to hold the flowers. Roses dropped down from my hand and scattered making no sound just the way my heart which broke into pieces making no sound at all. There was a pain inside me but I was not able to figure out which organ was in pain.
I was feeling sore on my throat and my eyes were getting blur. I wanted to scream out loud but I was not able to utter single word out of my mouth. Words were suppressed so deep inside my throat.
Slowly and steadily I took the step but I was not able to balance my body. I was walking like a drunkard. More I took my steps more my vision blurred. When I stood still hot tears rolled down my eyes. I really don’t remember when I last cried. I looked up in the sky trying to dry my eyes but I felt a drop of rain falling on my face one after another. The sky was crying with me.
Trying to handle myself I walked on that heavy downpour. Not caring about anything. But the road which felt so short a while ago now felt like the longest road I have ever walked. No matter how hard I tried not to recall the incident more it got refreshed on my mind again and again. She in bridal dress, her cold eyes which got soft and turning teary looking at me was all I had on my head.
I walked inside my house pushing the door hard which made it to hit the wall making loud bang sound.
“God, Steven you scared me” my mom shouted out in fright getting up from the couch.
Seeing my condition she got stunned and stared at me without blinking her eyes “Stev…” her voice was low filled with shock and fright.
My father walked out of the kitchen and the moment he saw me he exploded “See, I told you he is not the one to be given any chance. He really doesn’t deserve any care and love. All this time we lavished him with our love and gave him everything he wanted but see the result again he is dozing with the addiction. Just yesterday he returned from rehabilitation center. I thought you would truly change this time as you yourself asked for help to get rid of your drug addiction but once again you proved me wrong like in past.”
“Chris, stop it, please” my mother said in quivering voice. I was able to see tears walling down her eyes which made me remember about my love that left with same tears on her eyes a while ago.
I took a step towards my mom and hugged her tight “MOM…” was all I could say.
I am Steven Powell only child of my parents. While ago I had a life, a life of addiction with lots and lots of fun. In that life I really didn’t cared about anything or anyone. Well, everyone had a reason behind being drug addict but I had no reason at all. I used drug for fun and that is the reason I didn’t quit taking drugs even after being sent to rehabilitation center twice.
That life was kind of mess I had nothing to stop me except my parents whose words I never took seriously. Then something happened. Sudden appearance of her changed my life entirely. When she came to my life no, no not came to my life I feel it inappropriate to say she came to my life as she was not the one who came to my life. It was me who saw her and fall for her without even knowing about her. Love at first sight what we say not even knowing her name. You heard me right. Love is blind we say I somehow found it to be true. I loved her for two years without knowing her name.
You may call me an insane but love did happen with me all of a sudden. It didn’t ask for name, caste, family background, age, or anything. It just happened all of a sudden and trust me I had no control over it.
But now my life has collapsed and my heart feels so wounded. I was just about to confess my feelings for her and make her mine but sadly nothing happened according to my will. Everything that has happened till now is all beyond my thought. I was all happy with my addiction life had no intention of leading simple life but then my eyes fall on her and trust me I had no intention of falling in love but my intention didn’t worked in the case of my heart which made me to have no control over myself. And soon she became high dose drug for me.
There was barely a time I didn’t thought about her. The day when I didn’t saw her face would be the worst day. I would lock myself inside the room and eagerly wait for another day to see her. For her I even changed and tried to get rid of my drug addiction. But now I have no idea what I will be doing. She is gone and there is no single chance of seeing her. Furthermore, I still don’t know her name. I feel desolated but I still hope that in another life I will make her mine.