It had been months since Jackson left me sitting in the middle of my floor with the promise of never returning and it still hurt as if it was yesterday. He made me think we could get through any and everything as long as we had each other, and then I fell on my face and woke up. That winter storm had been one of the worst and best storms of my life. A weight that I hadn’t even realized I’d been carrying had been lifted and I felt lighter.
Yeah it still hurt, but it was a manageable hurt meaning that I was finally ready to start moving on. It was a good thing too. It was already late spring/early summer and the forecast was predicting a week long worth of thunderstorms. Lavender was leaving for the weak on a baecation with Jace. I had managed to patch up things with her and even Jace. He made it clear though that being cool with him did not mean information on Jackson.
Hearing his name at the time had crushed me, but I understood completely and promised that I would never ask. In the five months since everything happened I’ve taken the time to learn myself and love who I am all over again. I’ve learned to reignite my passions and love them again. I’ve learned new things about myself. I’ve learned where my fear of love stemmed from. I even had closure with the crazy ex who put me out in the cold.
I wouldn’t say I’ve forgiven him, but I no longer hate him. He has his own demons to battle and I’m just glad I’m no longer the one that has to endure them. I’ve moved on, but I’m not dating and I’ve refrained from sex. Sex complicates everything and I’m not sure I know how to date. I move too fast and get attached way too soon. Or maybe that was just with him. I’m at a stage where I can acknowledge the good parts of what we had and how it was a truly one in a lifetime kind of thing and be okay.
After he left, once the roads were clear, I spent weeks locked in my room crying. I only ever got up to go to work and use the bathroom. I had to force myself to eat and drink so I wouldn’t die. I had to force myself to just be okay enough to the point where I could keep it down. I was getting sick from being heartbroken. I had to learn that it was more of a mind thing than anything else. I had to learn to be myself again and I was better for it.
Jackson taught me a lesson that I needed long before him and I was no longer pissed at him for walking away. I understand. Smiling, I got out of my car and headed towards the grocery store. I had the week off of paid vacation and I wasn’t planning to leave my apartment at all. Pulling out my list, I made sure that I doubled everything once again so as to not forget anything. Or so that I wouldn’t run out even though there was no way I could eat it all alone.
Two meat lovers (bacon, pepperoni and sausage)
-7 big bags of chips
One salt and vinegar
-BUNCH OF COOKIES AND CANDY
-A DOUBLE CHOCOLATE CAKE WITH VANILLA FROSTING
*cupcakes(just in case)
I could feel the kid in me getting giddy already. For the days where I didn’t feel like pizza, my plan was to order in. I was going to have a peaceful, loving me kind of weak just to relax.
It took longer than I expected to get all the things that I needed, and although I should have anticipated it, the bags were heavier than I realized they’d be. I was still excited though as I got back into the driver’s seat and put the car into drive. I knew exactly what I was going to do. First I’d put a meat lover’s pizza on and then put the grocery’s away. Afterwards, I’d go into my room and get my collection of my most favorite movies starting first with the animated mermaid one. By the time everything was set up in the living room the pizza should be mostly done and…. I FORGOT TO GET ICE-CREAM!
New plan, go back to the grocery store. Get some ice-cream and then proceed as already stated. So… after setting up, I will get me an ice cold drink, drink that and then pour me another. I will find the snacks I feel like in the moment, saving the ice-cream and cake for later. By then the pizza should be done. I’ll take it out of the oven and let it cool as I go get my favorite pillows and covers and set it up on the long comfortable part of the couch. Then I’ll cute the pizza, plate it all and get comfortable so I could pig out happily as I watched my mermaids.
It was a perfect plan. A perfect me date.
After my quick trip back to the store, I finally made it home. There was this large grin on my face that I couldn’t remove no matter how hard I tried as I grabbed the bags from the trunk. A soon as I closed the trunk I was regretting that second trip.
I could smell that more than familiar scent.
The brush of those strong fingers as they grabbed the heaviest bags from me had me panting.
The feel of those arms around my waist was the only thing keeping me from falling over because of my traitorous buckling knees.
He was back and every nerve in my body was begging for the promise of what they’ve been deprived from for so long.
“Hey Dessa.” he whispered in my ear as I shivered a little.
Got damn that voice.