At First Sight

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Chapter |38|

[There are mentions of self-harm, homophobic people and sexuality in this chapter.]

Grab some tissues before scrolling down.

Amaira's pov

Oh God!

I let go of his hand and try to cover my wrist with the sleeves of my shirt. When did the makeup come off?

"Are those cuts?" Bee asked almost inaudibly, his face showing pain and concern.

"N-o, n-o. Th-ey ar-e n-ot." I stuttered.

"Can you come with me?" Bee said softly.

"Whe-re?" I asked looking at the floor.

"I want to take you to a place." Bee said giving me a small smile. I could see the unshed tears in his eyes.

He is going to take you to someplace and hurt you. The voice in my head said. No, he won't. He is my best friend. He won't hurt me. I trust him.

You trusted your uncle and aunt too and what did they do? They hurt you and broke your trust. The voice screamed in my head.

"Nugget, let's go."Bee said. I didn't look at him, I just walked out of my cabin with my head bowed in fear at the thought that he is going to hurt me and break my trust. We got into the elevator and Bee held my hands as he always does. Bee pressed the ground floor button and we waited.

When the elevator reached the ground floor, I and Abhi got out. We walked towards his car and he opened the passenger door got me. I looked at him hesitantly.

"It's okay, just get in. You are safe with me." He said giving me a sad smile. I nodded and got inside his car. I buckled up and started fiddling with my fingers. Bee got in and started the car. We drove in silence and my heart was pounding. I know he understood what the marks were. He knew they were cuts from self-harm and that scared me.

What if he wouldn't want to be my friend anymore?

What if he is disgusted?

What if he thinks that I don't deserve friends?

What if he asks Priya and Shweta to not talk to me?

I didn't realize that I was crying until I felt my teardrops fall on my hands.

"Nugget, please don't cry, okay? I just want to talk." Bee said. I nodded and I wiped my tears. Bee parked the car and got out and I did the same. I was confused as I realised where he brought me but I didn't question him. We sat on the bench that was facing the playground where the little children were playing happily.

"Why do you cut?" Bee asked. I stayed silent and played with my fingers.

"I used to cut too." He said. I looked at him with wide eyes.

"You d-id?" I asked. He nodded and looked at me with a sad smile.

"I first did it when I was 19. I knew that I was attracted to men but I was not ready to accept it. I thought that I was bisexual but all my doubts were confirmed when I turned 19 and a girl kissed me. I didn't feel any sort of attraction towards her. It felt weird kissing her. That's when I realised that I was gay. I decided to keep it a secret because I didn't know how to tell my parents. I knew they wouldn't accept my sexuality because they were very conservative and outdated people." Bee said looking at the kids that were playing with happy smiles on their faces.

" But I knew one person who I could trust, my best friend, Jay. He was the first friend I made in college. But I didn't know telling him that I was a gay would be the biggest mistake. As soon as I said to him that I am gay, he started avoiding me like the plague. I was a naive boy back then and didn't really know why he was distancing from me. One day, I saw him standing near his motorbike and talking, I walked towards him and touched his shoulder as soon as he realised that it's my hand that was touching him, his expression turned into disgust. That's when I realized that Jay was homophobic " Bee paused and looked at me, his eyes were filled with tears. I held one of his hands in mine and squeeze it gently.

"He humiliated me in front of literally the whole college. He said that my touch disgusted him and people like me shouldn't exist in this world. He assumed that I was in love with him and that's why I told him that I was gay and stuff like that. I was so embarrassed and I just wanted to hide from everyone. I cried and left the college. I went straight to my home and my parents asked me what was wrong but I didn't say anything.

Things went downhill in college, Jay and his friends started bullying me. Some students would look at me with disgust while others looked at me with pity. I was ashamed of myself. I started to think that it was all my fault and that's when the cutting started. It gave me some kind of satisfaction but as months passed, cutting couldn't find me relief anymore. The bullying increased and they started to physically hurt me. I wanted to run away and that's when I got an internship from Malhotra companies which was 2 years ago.

I knew my life was finally going to be better. That's when I got the courage to tell my parents. I told my parents about my internship and they congratulated me but as soon as I said the next sentence, my dad and mom froze. I knew that my parents would never accept me but never did I expect that they would disown me. "I wiped the tears that were falling from my eyes as I thought of the pain my best friend went through.

"My father yelled at me for being gay. My father said that if I stay with them in the same house then my brother will also be like me. So, my mother told me to get out of their house. The thought of leaving my brother broke my heart. He was my whole world. He was only 10 years old back then.

I left the place I called my home before my little brother could return from his school. I then became homeless. I only had a few savings of my own and I lived in a tiny hotel for about 2 months after joining Malhotra companies. I took online classes and graduated from my college while working as an intern. I became a permanent staff of the company after my graduation which was a year back. I met Shweta when I was working as an intern. She became my friend but I hid the fact that I am gay from her.

After a year, Priya joined and soon she also became a part of I and Shweta's friendship. I was successful in hiding my sexuality from both of them until Priya asked me if I was gay. Although I was scared that my answer would ruin our friendship, I replied yes because I didn't want our friendship to be built on lies.

Their reaction to my answer shocked me. Priya gave me the tightest hug in the world and yelled "I have a gay friend." on top of her lungs while I and Shweta laughed. They asked me why I didn't tell them and I told them about my bullying and nothing else. They don't know that my parents disowned me or anything and thankfully they haven't asked much about my parents.

After hearing about my bullying Shweta said and I quote, "If they started bullying you just because of your sexuality, then they are not meant to be in your life. Being attracted to a person of the same gender is not disgusting. You are amazing, Abhi and do what makes you happy because it's your life." That's when I realised that it's not my fault and there is nothing bad about being gay.

It's been over a year since I last cut, I am no longer afraid to tell anyone about my sexuality because I don't care about what others think. Screw others! It's been over 2 years since I walked away from my parent's house. I don't miss my parents but I do miss my little brother. I know he probably hates me for leaving him without even saying goodbye but I didn't want to see the heartbreaking look on his face as I walk away from him. "He said as tears fell from his eyes. I embraced him in a hug and we both cried on each other's shoulders. He trusted me with his darkest secret and I trusted him enough to keep mine.

" Th-ey hu-rt me, B-ee. "I whispered almost inaudibly against his shoulders but I know he heard me because his whole body froze as those words left my mouth. I said I told him everything. I told him about the abuse, self-harm, my parents, my grandmother, everything except what Devik and Karthik did to me. I just told him that Devik abused me physically. I didn't want to see the pity in his eyes. I didn't him to know that I was sexually abused.

"Who the hell is your husband? No offense, but he is an idiot." Bee said. I looked at him as he kept on rambling about how stupid my husband is.

"I a-m mar-ried to Iy-aan." I said softly.

"Woah, he has the same name as our boss." Bee said.

"Our bo-ss is my hus-band." I muttered.

"You are married to Iyaan Malhotra?" Bee asked with wide eyes. I nodded and his jaw dropped.

"Holy guacamole! Okay, just forget what I said a few minutes earlier okay? He isn't stupid. Wait, so, our boss, Iyaan Malhotra is your husband and he considers you as a gold digger?" He asked. I nodded.

"He is stupid." Bee said and I giggled.

"Can I just punch him in the face the next time I see him?" Bee asked and I choked on my saliva.

"No, you can't." I said shaking my head.

"Are you sure I can't punch him in the face?" He asked again.

"Yes, Bee." I said.

"What if break his nose a little?" Bee asked with pleading eyes.

"Bee, you are only half his size." I reasoned.

"So what? I can stand on a chair and punch his face for hurting my best friend." He said rolling his eyes. I laughed and looked at my watch.

6:00 pm.

"Oh my God! It's 6. I need to go home." I said.

"I will drop you." Abhi said as he stood up.

"No Abhi, I will just take a cab." I said but Abhi shook his head.

"No, I am dropping my best friend." Abhi said.

"Fine." I said and smiled at him. We both got into his car and drove to Iyaan's house. I showed him the way to the house and within 20 minutes, Bee parked the car in front of Iyaan's house.

"Thank you for the ride." I said and was about to open the door but turned towards Bee as I remembered something.

"Please, don't tell anyone about what I said to you in the park, okay?" I asked looking at him.

"I won't tell to anyone but you have to tell your husband everything, Nugget. He will realise who is the real gold digger after you tell him everything." Bee said.

"I can't tell him, Bee. He will just divorce me and send me back to my uncle's house. He will hate me more than he does now." I said.

"No, he won't. If you don't tell him, I will." Bee said.

"You won't do that, right? " I asked scaredly. My eyes filled tears at the thought of him telling everything to Iyaan. His eyes softened as he saw the tears in my eyes.

"I won't. It's your decision, Nugget but you have to tell him sooner or later. You can't hide it forever." Bee said smiling at me. I nodded and thanked him for driving me home. I smiled and waved at him as his car drove past me. As soon as I entered the house, I gasped at the sight in front of me.


How are you all? This chapter was a pretty long chapter and it was emotional. Writing this chapter drained my whole energy. Thoughts on Abhi's past? Our little Mai finally opened up to someone. Aww :)

What do you think is the sight in front of Mai? Do you guys miss Charan and Lucky?

Will Amaira tell Iyaan everything or will Iyaan find out on his own?

Can she hide the truth from him forever?

Are you enjoying the story?

Okay, my next update will be on Monday.

So, take care.

Love you lots and lots.


See you soon...

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