Do you ever lie awake at night and think, ‘What the fuck am I doing with my life?’
I am nineteen years old, for fucks sake, and I have never ever kissed a boy. Let alone hold hands with one.
Sure, I’ve had guy friends. But they never escalated into something more. Why? I don’t know.
All my high school crushes were only crushes. Mainly my fault because I never made an effort to talk to them. Or were they crushes just because they were in my class and I was practically forced to see their faces every day?
I need to change.
I woke up today around 10am to get an early start on my move-in day to college.
After hitting the showers and changing back into my pajamas, I went downstairs to the kitchen to eat breakfast.
“Look who’s finally awake,” My mom teased once she noticed I walked in.
I rolled my eyes playfully at her and went straight for the coffee. “Today’s move-in day.”
“I remember,” she says, “Got everything packed?”
“Yeah,” I tell her before taking a sip, “I think so.”
I sat down by the island next to her and we ate breakfast together. 10 minutes later, I went back up to my room to double check.
It didn’t take long before I knew I was all set. I grabbed my luggages and boxes and carried them all the way out to my car. By the time I was done loading my car, my younger sister came out of her room for the first time. It was 12pm.
“Morning,” she grumbled past me as she headed towards the kitchen.
I chuckled quietly then ran upstairs to my room to change into my clothes. It was going to be a long drive so I had to wear something comfortable but stylish. I decided to just wear sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt. But I looked cute, so. Stylish.
I walked back downstairs, but stopped instantly once I caught my mom eyeing my outfit with a disgusted look. “That’s what your wearing?”
“Yeah...” I sighed. How many times do I have to go through this? “I need to be comfortable.”
“You can be comfortable without looking like a bum.” She retorted.
“I don’t look like a bum,” I tell her, walking past her, “I look cute.”
“You’re leaving today?” My little sister, Alex, asked me surprised.
“Yes,” I tell her surprised, “I told you this like a thousand times yesterday.”
“You know I don’t pay attention when I’m gaming,” She then says.
I rolled my eyes at her, “Anyway, I think I’m leaving now. I want to get there before dark.”
“Okay,” My mom said. Before we left, we huddled in the living room and prayed real quick. Then my mom hugged me for the longest time and I think I heard her sniffle. “Please call once you get there. And every night. Don’t be a stranger. I’ll miss you so much.”
I chuckled, “Of course. I’ll miss you too.” Then I turned to my sister who already attacked me into a hug. “I’ll miss you too.”
I then grabbed my keys and we walked out towards my car. After we shared our ‘I love you,’ I left.
5 hours to go.