That winter evening
It was a winter evening and I was standing in my balcony. Wearing my hoody and heater on in the room. I came to balcony to see my plants and water them. I usually water them at night because in morning I usually am in a rush to get to the office. I just turned after watering them, at that moment my eyes caught a glimpse of her. I heard about someone recently came to the apartment in front of mine but I didn't know who, and I was not Interested in knowing until then. I don’t know what I saw that night but it was something that I felt for the first time. Different from any other night I just kept thinking about that glimpse, that small impression of her in my eyes.
Next morning, I woke up. initially I was not thinking about the other night, but as I opened up the curtains and saw her balcony, I recalled everything from the night before. I don’t know what I was thinking but I stood there for a few minutes and then my coffee machine made the sound that my coffee is ready and that broke my dream and I came to the real world again. Maybe I was expecting to see her again, I don’t know but those few minutes I was just into any other world, I think. Then I went to my office and the day went as usual.
Then when I came home, I was expecting to see her again. maybe she also works somewhere and her time to return might be the same. She also had some plants in her balcony but I didn’t saw her in the balcony for last 20 hours. Maybe she just stays at home and take care of her plants in the afternoon or whatever. “She lives in the apartment in front of mine someday we have to stumble into one another”, I thought. Or maybe that was just a coincidence that she came at that time in her balcony, because its 4 days from that now, and I didn’t saw her since then. I was starting to forget her when I saw her on the street not far from our apartments. I was returning from the office and she was carrying a shopping bag and going in another direction. "there could be no better chance to know her", I thought and thought to follow her. But that could be a little awkward and somebody might misunderstand that. After all this rational thinking I parked my car at the side of the road and started to follow her down the road maintaining a decent distance between. She went inside a bakery; I stood beside a bookstore and held a book in my hands and waited for her to come out of the bakery. She was holding a paper bag not so big, might be just a couple of pastries, I thought. that means she might live alone in her apartment. And then we went home together, as I call it, maintaining a distance so that she can’t notice me. After arriving at the apartment building, I looked at the list of apartments and information about the empty apartment or apartments for sale. there it was apartment no. 307, It was occupied, on rent. It was a one-bedroom apartment, that further strong my assumption that she lives alone in her apartment, as I did.
Next weekend I woke up early and made my coffee and sat in my balcony. she came. she was well dressed and quickly watered the plants and went inside and locked the balcony. I thought she might be going somewhere. First, I was disappointed that I can’t see her now, but then I decided to see where she goes. I quickly dressed up and got into my car and parked it outside of the main entrance of apartment building. There she was in her white sedan. "She has class with the choice of her cars and her dresses", I told to myself. I followed her through-out the path. She then turned inside a building’s parking, I saw up, it was an Interior design firm. She might be an interior designer, I thought, that suited to her elegant style. She also goes to office on the Saturdays, that was strange but at least I now know where she works. That evening I went to buy some groceries. When I went out of the apartment main gate, I saw her car coming. Fortunately, now I know her office timings also.
It’s about three weeks now and I now know almost everything about her and her life that a person could know from watching her from outside of her life. I was seating on my couch and thinking on one night, when a thought crossed my mind "am I obsessed with her?". I sat there for some more time not answering the question in my mind. Then I started cooking dinner for the night and still I can’t shed off the question from my mind. But I didn’t want to answer that also. I was in kind of a dilemma and I was liking the feeling it gave as it is. I didn’t want to be clear about it.
"It was almost a month now and I still don’t know her name", I thought. I decided that I will approach her somehow and ask for her name. It seemed easy as I had a good experience in handling ladies from my college days, but this time it felt different. I went to her apartment building gate next morning at time she leaves for her office. Standing beside my car parked along-side to hers’ thought of what I was going to say to her, maybe compliment her car, or ask for help that I had lost my phone and can I use hers. That all seemed awkward and I decided not to tell any of those, but now she was reaching closer to her car and I didn’t think a singles excess to talk to her. She sat in her car and went. And I was still standing there watching her go. "I am a fool", I thought. Shimmering in the cold winds, I sat inside my car and thought that in the evening I will prepare a script to talk to her and will try to know her name tomorrow. I came back from the office early that evening to work on my script when I saw her loading some cardboard boxes in her car. "Those are for the courier", I thought. And went to my apartment and started to work on the script for tomorrow. I finished my script at around 9:30pm. I checked my phone for any new emails when I noticed that it was exactly one month from the day, I first saw her in her balcony. I went out to my balcony to get some fresh air, partially satisfied with my script "I am not a great writer from school", I thought. And then I saw her coming in her balcony, with her hairs open and without makeup also she looked just as elegant. I was thinking about the next day when I will finally talk to her and smiling to myself. And then I noticed that she also smiled back at me and went back in. "Was I dreaming?", I asked to myself. That night felt light as air and danced in my apartment all the night till I fell asleep by fatigue.
Next morning, I woke up early and got ready for the meeting, wore my favourite shirt and the best perfume I had. And went down to the parking and saw her car was not there, my heart sank. I thought she could not go to office so early and market isn't open yet, where else could she go. I thought for a few minutes standing in the parking lot and then decided to go to her apartment and try to talk to her of anything. Without giving it another thought I rushed to her apartment. Instead to waiting for the elevator I took stairs and ran as fast as I could. A thought of that she was gone now was crawling from back of my mind. But I tried to not to think of that. As I approached at her apartment I was breathing heavily after climbing 3 storey stairs after years. I took some deep breaths and then rang the bell. Waited for a few moments, no response, I rang it again. Hearing no sounds from inside my heart fell in my stomach. As a man crossing the corridor of the apartment went by, I stopped him and asked about the lady live in the apartment.
"She was gone", he responds.
"When?", I asked.
"Early this morning", he replied.
He left. Now I was alone in the corridor, unable to think properly about the situation. I was not ready to accept that she just left and I didn’t even get a change to ask her name. I got down from her apartment building. Stood beside my car. Trying to think about how I lost a chance to talk to her the other day and she was gone today, like it’s all a movie. But shockingly I was not feeling sad about that. I was just thinking of the times when I saw her. The first time in her balcony, on the street buying pastries, going to her office, and the last night when she smiled at me from her balcony. Now I feel like she was saying good bye the other night when she smiled at me. A cold breeze blew taking me to the reality again. It was cold outside and the tree had no leaves on them. I looked up in the sky and smiled to say good bye. Then I sat in my car and drove to the office.