7 - Let's Play
I stand on Sin’s balcony while a warm breeze tickles my hair across my cheeks. I look down over the city and watch everyone prancing around the streets, or huddling in corners. Two types of people, as Sin had mentioned.
Those who were free and those who were constrained within grief or anxiety.
I had spent hours contemplating his message. I had also been wondering how he’d make me serve him.
Eventually my thoughts are steadily becoming clearer; that Sin was a never ending pit of bad luck for me and therefore the only way out of this Paradise was to search for an exit.
All this place was at first glance was endless sky, sand dunes, a city and the castle.
I think to Georgie and I send her my eternal friendship and love.
However, I had no time to say goodbye.
I try to focus on my own thoughts as I climb over the balcony, and start to descend to the others below. I had found a tempting path of easy balcony hopping, which would lead to the edge of the sand dunes.
So, I continue to climb down balconies, jumping, running and swiftly moving towards my escape.
As I hit the second lowest balcony, I jump onto a stone fence and then I fall with the wind onto a sand dune. My landing is soft and harmless as the grains of orange warmth tumble around my ankles and fingers as I start to crawl up a steep edge of the first dune.
I didn’t know where I was going, but I was hoping that if I continued to run I would find a way out.
A secret well, a magical tree or maybe a cave. Anything of magical importance that would allow me to escape.
No place was impossible to escape. That was something I knew within myself.
Sin had escaped Heaven, I had escaped Earth.
Now, I wanted to find the way out of Hell before I had no chance at all.
Wasn’t there always a stair way? So perhaps I should go to the tallest sand dune and see what options I had from there.
My mind reels with ideas as I trudge my way along my determined path.
For some reason, my mind was set on leaving while disregarding any severe consequences if I failed.
I didn’t want to allow myself to think of that because it was pointless. Every moment with Sin, was a lose or lose situation. You could never win. So, I may as well run!
Sin wanted me to serve and submit. So he could eventually punish me and mind screw me in different ways, every day, every week - eternally.
No, thank you.
The distinct scoff is right behind me and causes my whole body to freeze up and stop my descent down the first sand dune I’ve climbed over.
I close my eyes, but that won’t change a thing.
I open them.
I try to turn, but the moment I try to move, a large hand on the small of my back, suggests I don’t even try.
“Don’t move, Eva,” Sin murmurs, so calmly from behind me. I bite my tongue, hoping silence will save me, “...it won’t.”
“Then what will?” I yell it out on impulse, looking up at the stars, “I just want to leave. I just want to -”
“You don’t,” Sin moves in close because I feel a heated breath run down my nape, a hand parts my strands of brown hair and his lips meet my ear, “That’s a lie. To leave... is the last thing you want. You want to stay. You want me to like you. You want me to love you. Because that is what Angels want - they want to be loved,” Sin’s melodic drawl whispers past my ear as the utter truth.
My heart beats with the acknowledgement.
“Why would I want that, if I know you can’t give that?” I whisper.
“Why do you think I’m down here?” Sin asks, again, calm... not a hint of anger, “Why do you think I chose this place? It’s not because I didn’t love, sweet thing, it’s because when I do, my expectations ruin my mind. Perfect obedience. Perfect submission. Perfect heart. Perfect choices. Perfect sex. Perfect love. You know why that is a sin?” as he speaks, I can feel the sand falling over my ankles as he moves in closer, wrapping a single arm around my waist, “Because it’s selfish. The perfect love is only for the creator. I tend to think more about what I want. You... I want you to tell me what you desire with all your selfish heart.”
“Maybe I want - ”
“No maybes,” Sin snaps cruelly, while his arm is tight around my waist and his cheek slides next to mine, “Only truth...” I suck in a breath.
And then I just say it.
“I want to save you,” I blurt the words out and I’m not sure where they come from, but they seem to break the moment.
I wait a moment and then I relax. However, I am just starting to lean back into Sin’s flesh and warmth... when his arm leaves my waist and I end up flopping back onto my ass.
I look behind me and the sand dune is empty except for a puff of magical smoke, which falls and lights up my skin with sparkling ash.
“You wanted the truth!” I call out, feeling a weird sense of control.
Because I had said the truth.
I finally said it.
...I knew clearly what I wanted.
I think I scared Sin.
I stay still and silent as I am embraced by the perfect warm air and soft sand.
I get a minute of rest and peace - before the wind dramatically picks up.
I watch in silent fascination as the wind wraps up the sand, and a distorted tornado moulds a new formation together right before my eyes.
Just feet from me - the sand turns to stone and an opening appears.
It’s a cave - for me.
It’s foreboding and completely pitch black inside.
I seem to hear thoughts through my head.
Completely at ease.
Ready to torture me, kill me... whatever came first.
The thoughts were clearly menacing.
Sin was trying to scare me.
But that was only because I scared him first.
Let’s play, Sin whispers through my mind.
He is tempting me to enter the darkness of the cave.
Now with my truth suddenly more real than it’s ever been, I know how to respond properly for the first time. Even if I’m not entirely sure how I came to be in Sinner’s Paradise, for some reason, I now know why I am here.
I know what I have to do.
I know my purpose in this moment of time and absolute truth.
“Sin?” I call out, flattening my dress, even though I can’t see him, “Whatever this challenge is...? I accept.”