Chapter 10 - Saying it out loud [Republished]
"Marciano, good to hear you. What can I do for you?” I asked trying to sound relaxed, thank God for Gio.
“I need to put my hands on that motherfucker Robert Downhill. That piece of shit is hiding, and I am not happy with motherfucker cowards. Pezzo di merda,” he courses, and I hear him breathing heavy. (Piece of shit).
“I see. Well, how can I do that for you?”
I need to find out if he knows his youngest son has my wife.
“Set a meeting with him, you are his business partner. And fammi sapere about the place and time. I will take it from there,” he said fast, in one breath. (Let me know).
“Marciano, I doubt he will accept the meeting so easily as long as he knows you are out for his ass. It will not work.”
“Tate! I know he is your fucking father-in-law. I know che la tua piccola moglie is his daughter, don’t make me put that kind of pressure on you.” (Your little wife).
I fucking hate when he mixes English with his native language. It makes him so fucking proud.
“What makes you think I will take it as a pressure, Marciano?” I sound like I don’t give a shit and I am happy for it. “I don’t give a fuck on her. She was just a trade to get in Robert’s business.”
Fuck, I feel to shoot a bullet in my own brain for the words I spit.
“You want her? She is in my home. I will even remove all security around the house, just tell me when. But it will make no difference, Marciano. Her father sold her to me like a piece of meat and would have no remorse carving her neck if that brought him some more money. And for me she is just a bitch I haven’t even touched. Too shallow for me, too skinny,” I force a strong laugh to sound more convincing.
“You American’s are some dirty motherfuckers with no dignità. You don’t know what means a famiglia. I almost feel sorry for the poor Donna,” his reply came, and he sounded so damn genuine. (Dignity). (Family). (Lady).
My heart clenches.
He has no idea what family means to me, or what Becca means to me. ’She is more than my own life′ I felt to shout back at him, but it was not his fucking business.
“Maybe she will be good for uno dei miei figli,” he forced a stupid joke that I didn’t taste. (One of my sons).
I forcibly swallow my anger at his words, and struggle to keep calm because I know he doesn’t have a clue that Becca is in his son’s hands or else I am sure he would have used her to get to her father or force me hand Robert to him.
“Nevertheless, let me see what I can do, Marciano. If I get Robert’s whereabouts, I will let you know,” I said and ended the call with a deep sigh.
“He doesn’t know Enzo has her,” I said towards Gio. “We need to move fast before he finds out.”
We left the mall soon after Marciano’s call and while sitting in the back of the car I felt an emptiness forming in my chest, depriving me of air thinking that I was going home where there was no Becca waiting for me, like she had always been in the past years, my motivation of every day, my peace, my heaven to where I couldn’t wait to reach.
But right now, that heaven was away, my peace was leaving me, the love of my life didn’t want me anymore.
Can I blame her?
I was stupid enough to crash her with everything I had in me. I hurt her and humiliated her until she didn’t care if she was alive or dead.
The thought of her being hurt makes my fists clench and sweat rolling down my spine.
“Gio, I need you to find me Enzo’s address.”
“So, how did you find my pasta?” Enzo is asking proud of himself, wiping the corners of his lips with a cotton tissue that has been resting on his knees during the dinner.
“Well, I must admit they were really tasty. And you say you can’t cook,” I smile back at him.
He stands up from the table and I follow suit, starting to collect the plates, planning to wash them, the least that I can do.
“No, no. Leave it. Marie will fix that in the morning.”
He takes the plates out of my hands and places them on the kitchen counter.
“Wine?” he asks.
I follow his moves with my eyes and can’t stop admiring his waving steps as if he is dancing, not walking.
His wide shoulders are a bit bent in front due to his height, his soft hair never stays out of his eyes no matter how many times he runs his hand through it, the opened shirt and rolled up sleeves show his tone muscles and tan skin stretched over them.
The suit pants hang on the muscles of his hips and his shirt has tugged out a little from the hem, showing a bit of skin in the most sensual way.
“What?” he asks pulling me out of my thoughts, with a shy smile stretched on the felt corner of his lips and an intimidated look in his eyes.
I look at him trying to recollect myself and I give him back a smile just as shy as his.
I have never been around another man besides Lucas before. Lucas has been everything for me, from my heaven to my hell and now I am standing in the living room of a gorgeous man who shows interest in me.
Or maybe pity. Rather pity. God, I really hope it is pity because pity I can give back, and that’s about all I have to give.
“Nothing,” I say shaking my head to push away the thoughts rolling in my mind. “The proposal. You said we would talk about it,” I rush to divert the talk.
“Right,” he replies, handing me the glass of wine. Wrapping his fingers around my hand he pulls me after him into the balcony.
I love the evening breeze of the ocean.
We sit on the comfortable chairs and I raise my nose, closing my eyes and inhaling deeply the chilly breeze.
′You are truly a beautiful woman, Becca′ I hear in my mind Lucas telling me.
Every time we were on the patio of the island house during our honeymoon and I would inhale the breeze just like now, Lucas used to stare at me and tell me what a blessing I was in his life.
A tear escapes my eyes rolling down my cheek and I don’t even realize it till Enzo’s thumb wipes it away.
“Is it hurting that much?” he asks.
I open my eyes and I see him dangerously close to me.
“He must be stupid to give up on a woman like you, Becks. And I am almost sure he will not. And I am almost sure it will be a long fight. And I am not sure at all if I will win, but I will be there, fighting this together with you, Becks. I promise.”
It is only now that I realize Enzo is kneeled in front of me on one of his knees holding softly my cheeks, with lust and desire in his stare while his black big eyes pierce into mine.
I am stunned, looking at his beautiful face so close to mine that I can feel his breath fanning on my skin and my parted lips, washed in tears as I am barely breathing.
Enzo bends over and brushes my lips with his, begging for a kiss and even though my lips are parted he still asks for permission.
I sob inhaling air while I welcome Enzo kisses that shift from soft and gentile to rough and hungry, invading my mouth and groaning in pleasure while I sob some more and moan when his opened mouth moves its kisses on my neck, trailing shivers and goosebumps.
“He will not lose, Enzo. He always wins,” I whisper, falling apart in his sensual touches and kisses, giving in to the pool of sensations filling me up.
“Then he should be getting fucking ready, because he won’t win without a damn of a fight,” he lifts me up in his arms and takes me inside the living, holding me like I weight nothing and walking on the hallway towards his bedroom, never stopping his kisses.
He lays me gently on the bed still holding my lips captive with his own.
When he breaks the kiss, I see him walking towards the bathroom and hear the water running.
He leaves the room for a minute just to come back with a shirt of his own which he lays on the bed.
He never stops smiling. He keeps looking at me; me, sitting in silence on the bedroom, following his moves around the room, and him, glaring at me every five seconds, making sure I am still there.
He pulls me up from the bed and guides me towards the bathroom and as soon as we are in, he starts removing my clothes, rolling my dress up and pulling it over my head while his eyes widen at the sight of me only in my bra and panties.
He hooks his finger in the hem of my panties on my smaller back while kissing me and I can’t believe how turned on I am.
He moves painfully slow, brushing his fingers around my waist till he reaches my navel.
“Oh God...” I whisper and moan in his mouth and I flinch when he snaps open my bra, dropping it on the floor.
He rolls down my panties leaving me wearing nothing but a burning blush on my cheeks and a tremble of my feeble frame due to my nakedness in front of him.
He guides me into the bathtub where I step in and lay down, letting the warm water to cover me all, relaxing my stiffened muscles.
“I will be waiting for you outside,” he says and with a kiss on my forehead he leaves the bathroom, closing gently the door behind him.
I close my eyes and all I can feel are Lucas’ touches and kisses and his beautiful blue eyes showering me with love.
Enzo is amazing but my heart will only belong to Lucas, no matter how much I fight it.
I wash up in silence, taking my time and trying to delay the moment I see Enzo again. I know he is in the room, waiting me to come out. I am afraid I can’t resist him. I know I can’t. Maybe I don’t even want to.
Wrapped in a towel I exit the bathroom and find Enzo sitting on the armchair, next to the bed.
He lifts his eyes at me and a smile spreads on his lips, brightening his face. He stands up and walks towards me wrapping his arms around me in a hug.
“Feeling better?” he asks, and I nod.
“Come,” he says taking me next to the bed, removing the wet towel and wrapping his shirt around me.
“Enzo, why are you doing all of this?” I ask and fix my eyes on his.
He paused a few seconds, as if weighting carefully his words.
“Because I am losing myself in those emerald eyes of yours and I can’t stop trying to find myself.”
He is standing tall in front of me, dominating and powerful and I don’t find words to reply.
I just stare back at him and I am dying little by little, wishing it has been Lucas in front of me.
Thankfully he breaks that overwhelming tension between us.
“Becks, tomorrow morning we will fly to New York. I need to get back to my office. And I want you to come with me. I will rent you an apartment in one of my buildings and you will have a job in my company. I will help you and be there for you till you are on your own feet. And I would be an idiot if I didn’t do my best to make you fall in love with me,” he said, his chest vibrating the words under my palms laid flat on his muscles.
I can’t listen to him anymore. This future he is picturing me is one I haven’t even dared to think of and now, that it is shaped in front of me, it’s scary.
I push him aside and run to the bathroom to put back on my clothes.
My hands are shaking, and I can barely close the lock of my bra.
I have a feeling of something being extremely wrong about me being here. I have to leave. I have to save myself from falling in the trap of my own vulnerability and save Enzo from his fall for me. He won’t win my heart ever, I know.
“Becks... please, stay at least for the night,” he says standing behind me.
“Enzo, I can’t!” I shout twisting on my heels and staring at him, tears falling down my cheeks. “I love him! I have always loved him. I love him and I hate him at the same time, but I belong to him no matter how big the distance between us will be. I don’t know if I can have that with you. And it is not fair for you. You are giving me so much and I have nothing to give you back,” I spit it all in a breath, but he stops my chatter coming impossibly close to me.
“Come with me, Becks. I want nothing in change. I want you to be a strong woman, on your own, free to take your own decisions, free and strong to stand on your own feet. That’s all I want. That would be my revenge on a motherfucker idiot who didn’t know to treasure you strong enough.”
I crumble in cries and Enzo’s arms prevent me from crashing on the bathroom floor, wrapping me in a firm hold.
“Shhh,” he tries to stop my sobs. “I know, Becks. It is hard and it might get harder.”
"No risk, no story."