Chapter 27 - Bitter good bye [Republished]
Fuck, it burned like shit!
My hand clenches stronger to Becca’s, as the burning metal of the bullets sends strikes of pain all through my back.
I try to move my legs, but they feel weak and soft and the sharp shouts of Becca tell me that I am not doing good.
I feel stifled and I seem to have difficulties in bringing air in my lungs.
I have to take Becca to safety, but I don’t see Gio around, not even Ben.
Where the fuck are they?
Above me the sky seems so beautiful, so blue and some drops fall on my face. Is it raining?
Damn, there is no cloud on the sky, how can it rain?
Someone is shouting my name, again and again.
Becca, where the hell is Becca?
My body seem so heavy, I can’t even move my eyelids and this fucking smell of blood fills my nostrils but there is one more scent I feel, one that I know so well, one that once was calming and warming and I wouldn’t forget even in my death.
Becca holds my face with her tiny hands, and she is crying. I see her lips moving but I don’t hear anything she says.
I try to sharpen my hearing, I struggle to hear what she says, she pulls my arms but fuck, she can’t move me an inch and I can’t move myself either.
Gunshots fly all over around us and I wonder where the fuck is Gio, he should never ever lose Becca from his sight.
Her face hovers above mine covering all the chaos around. She is so beautiful, so beautiful... she can’t stay here, she has to run.
She can do it, she is strong, she’s handled a damn bastard like myself for so long.
“Come on, Lucas! Come on, baby, help me! Move with me, Lucas, come on!” she shouts sharply and tries to drag the weight of my body.
“Becca... love... run,” I try to tell her, but I don’t even know if my lips have moved. “Run, baby... now,” I keep telling her and I wish she fucking listens to me.
“No, no, no, Lucas. Stay with me. Baby, please, stay with me.” she keeps saying, bent over me, crying, and she doesn’t let go of me, her warm palms scooping my face.
I want her to live, I want her to save herself.
Damn it! Becca, leave! I shout in my mind and probably my eyes speak volumes as I see her standing up and distancing from me while Gio hovers over me and shouts something at Becca.
I thank God I can’t blink. I want to see her till she fades away. I want her to be the last memory I have before I die.
There is so much movement around me, some beeping in the background, lights all around me like I am in a fucking light bulb.
I don’t feel anything although shadows pull my body in different sides and voices talk one over the other. I wished they stopped so I could stand up and search for Becca, but my sight became darker and darker till finally I gave in.
I need to sleep, I am exhausted. I need to take a good sleep and then search for Becca.
Why is my mother whispering? And why is she crying? What the hell is going on? And where the fuck is Gio?
I told him to keep Becca safe and I have no word from him yet. I don’t see him around.
I need my phone but... I can’t move.
I keep hearing the same device beeping and now it becomes clearer to me. I am in a hospital.
“How long do you think it will take him to wake up?” I hear the voice of my father and another one that I don’t recognize.
“We don’t know. It could be a few days or a few weeks. For the moment what we know is that he is healing, clinically he is doing good. You just need to be patient. And yeah, talk to him as much as you can. He can hear and sometimes, in such cases, the patient responds to stimuluses, so mostly people close to them, like family, do have the power to bring them back,” the other voice replies.
Coma. I am in a fucking coma. I wished someone told me something about Becca. I want to ask but nobody hears what I say. I don’t even know if I am actually spelling the words or it’s just in my mind. And it’s dark. It’s still so dark around.
A warm hand lays on my shoulder and I hear my mother weeping.
“My boy, my beautiful boy...” she keeps saying between her sobs.
I need someone to tell me what happened to stop fucking weeping me what happened to Becca... but sleep takes me over again.
It is so much quiet around me lately. From time to time there are people coming in, going out. Once in a while my mother is with me, then my father but I don’t see Gio.
Fuck, I hope he is not dead.
“Excuse me, ma’am, but you cannot be in here. Are you family?” I hear a foreign voice of a young woman.
She kept checking on me for a while now, trying all types of stimuluses on me but I still couldn’t move any muscle.
“I am his wife.”
Becca! God, it is Becca. I want to jump. I want to walk to her fetch her and never let he go.
God, she is alive.
I hear movements around me again, but I can’t concentrate on anything but her voice.
My nostrils sense her perfume and I know she is getting closer to me as her scent fills my nostrils.
I want nothing more than her skin against mine and my wish comes true as I feel my left hand squeezed in hers.
How much I wished I could open my eyes and saw her beautiful face, her starling green eyes, her mouthwatering smile.
I wished I could give her a hand squeeze back, but the fucking muscles didn’t listen.
“Hi, love. I missed you, love,” she whispers in my ear, sobbing.
Stop crying, Becca, I am right here. I can hear you. This fucking heart still beats.
I feel her soft lips planting a kiss on my cheek and that used to send thousands of electric shocks blasting through my body but now
I fucking hate I can’t stand up and hold her, but I am happy she is here. I am so happy she is alive. Gio and Ben did good.
“I am going to go, Lucas. I am going far. This is the price I will pay because I brought you here. It is my turn to keep you safe, my love. Please live, Lucas, wake up and live. For me ...”
What the hell is she talking about? Going? Going where? Becca, don’t you dare to do that again! She doesn’t have to keep me safe.
Fuck, that’s my job to do, not hers. Why the hell this shitty hand doesn’t move? I can’t live without her.
She is asking me to live? Doesn’t she know that I am living only for her?
I feel the heat of her skin against mine while she keeps planting kisses on my cheek, on the skin of my neck below my earlobe.
Becca, you can’t leave!
“And, love ... If you love me, wake up and find me ...” she said lastly before everything fades away.
I don’t feel the heat of her skin anymore, I don’t feel the squeeze of her hand, I don’t hear her anymore.
I have to move this fucking hand before she is out of here, I have to.
I feel my brain heating up sending messages to this fucking dead hand that I have and yes... I moved. I moved. I swear I did. I know I did.
But she is long gone, she’s left.
The constant and regular beeping of the devices around me start speeding up, getting louder and more urgent and immediately the room gets filled with people and voices.
That’s a clear sign that I moved. I am coming back, Becca. I am coming for you. If only I could open my eyes also, if only...
I had to run out of there. I couldn’t stay anymore or else I would have never left, and I had to.
I just had to.
Enzo and Carlos are waiting for me on the corridor.
Enzo snaps his head up when I come out of Lucas’ room and jumps on his feet from the plastic chair he was sitting on and coming closer to me he is wrapping his strong arms around me, burying me to his chest.
“I am sorry, Becks. He will be fine, sooner or later he will be fine. He is being taken good care of,” he whispers rocking lightly my body left and right.
“I want to leave from here,” I tell him, and he urgently grabs my hand as we walk out of the hospital, with Carlos following us.
Enzo opens the passenger seat door for me, and I quickly get in, like I was running from something.
Well, I actually was. I wanted to leave all these behind, I wanted to leave for Italy as soon as possible. I was not going to be any thread for Lucas if I was away, right?
“Hey, are you okay?” Enzo asks grabbing my hand in his once he is next to me in the driver’s seat.
I didn’t look to him, I kept looking out on the window not because I didn’t want to see him but because I felt guilty.
I was using him like I had been used many times but hey, he bought me, he was the one who wanted me.
“Yeah...” I reply keeping my eyes on the window. “When do we leave?”
“Our flight takes off at 6pm. We still have some time to get ready. Let’s take you somewhere to buy some clothes and then we head home. Everything should be ready by then.”
He sounded distant although the warmth in his voice never faded, just like always Enzo was, even when he was hurt or angry.
I turned my face to him.
His look was frowned and concentrated on the road. I lifted his hand and placed his knuckles against my cheek and then I kissed them, being grateful for the chance he gave me, for the wonderful care he had for me, for being there for me, even when I was not there for him.
All of the sudden the car stopped on the side of the road forcing my chest into the hard seatbelt and some big strong hands grab my face while my lips are smashed by some soft ones in a desperate kiss as his life depended on it.
I kissed him back with the same eagerness and before I completely lost my breath Enzo cuts the kiss, pressing strongly his forehead on mine with his eyes shut tight.
“God, I was so afraid...” he whispers.
“Afraid of what?” I asked him surprised.
“Afraid that you might want to stay.”
“Would you have stopped me if I did?”
“Never. I could never do that.”
His coal black eyes were staring at me, almost in moisture, sunken in sadness mixed with worry and fear.
“I told you, Becks. You belong to nobody but to yourself. I could never stop you from something that made you happy, but I would still be standing there, in the shadow, making sure you are okay.”
I smile and caress his soft hair running my fingers through it and pushing it behind his head. I don’t even know what I’ve done good in my life to deserve such care, such love.
He is handsome, the opposite handsomeness of Lucas’. His whole being is warm, soft, gentle, the kind that was offering the freedom of choice, a freedom I didn’t taste and to be honest, I didn’t even know if it fitted me.
Lucas, on another hand, was the devilish handsomeness, the one that controlled, that one that guided and overwhelmed, the one that had always given me the balance and the feeling of protection in my life.
Who was I kidding?
Lucas was my balance, the core of my existence, but right now I had to be my own balance, for Lucas’ sake.
I know there will always be missing a fairly good chunk of myself once I am away from Lucas, but there is no other way.
“What makes me happy right now is to be far from here. Take me far from here, Enzo. Take me with you. It is what I want right now,” I said, and Enzo sealed my demand with yet another passionate kiss.
Before I could wrap my head around the events of today, we were already on the way to the airport.
I made sure with Enzo that the divorce papers were prepared by the lawyers and sent to Lucas’ lawyers. I also made him promise me that he would try to get information from Carlos about Lucas and would let me know once he was out of hospital.
Because in my mind I didn’t want to believe that he would never wake up.
They say if you want something strong enough, that something will come true.
Well, in my heart Lucas was already awake, healthy and in his home, dashing handsome like ever.
It was all I ever wished and the last thing I wanted to know about him.
"Everyone smiles in the same language."