Chapter 39 - Blast from the past [Republished]
Finally, the last meeting came to an end and I was so relieved. I couldn’t concentrate anymore and besides, I really missed Becks tonight.
The reception took too long, and I couldn’t wait to take this suit off me and cuddle Becks into my arms.
Being a Don was not only the hardest thing to do but also the one I never wanted to do.
It transformed me in someone I hated and someone that was going to be hated by many, quite soon.
And I didn’t care about others too much, not even my own family, except for my mother. And Becks.
I couldn’t risk being hated by Becks although there will be plenty of reasons to, but I hoped I would manage to keep my other life away from her.
I rolled up the sleeves of the shirt and after washing my face like three times with chilly water I looked myself in the mirror of the bathroom, observing carefully the Don I was going to be and I knew I was going to be the worst, the hardest, the most murderous and merciless there was. That was the only way I knew to be a Don.
I dry my face with a towel and walk out of the bathroom having only Becks in my mind, whom I’ve missed this evening like hell.
Just as I enter my office I see her in front of me, her green eyes floating in tears and face washed by the ones already shed.
She was holding a file in her right hand and I immediately recognized it.
Well, fate was not on my side.
“What the fuck is this, Vincenzo?!” she yelled at me, voice choked in sobs and tears that kept falling.
I shift my eyes from her face to the file in her hand and I inhaled deep.
“I want to hear what a fucking shitty explanation you have for this,” she continued seeing me pending and still I didn’t reply yet. I had to choose my words carefully.
I strolled deeper into the office, throwing the towel on the nearest armchair and keeping a neutral state and fighting to keep calm.
“You don’t understand, Becks,” I say in a low tone and composed nature, hoping I can contain her anger somehow.
“What is it that I don’t understand? What is there to understand besides the fact that you’ve lied to me, you have been hiding things from me. You had no right, Enzo! I have been asking you so many times about the divorce papers and you have been lying to me each and every time! You knew I felt guilty for the situation of Lucas and you let me believe he died making me feel even more guilty!” she yelled.
“Well, I wished he was fucking dead!” my voice boomed, hitting the walls of the room like thunders in the night.
“I wished he was! How do you think I feel when I know he is all you have in that head of yours? When I know that every time we fuck you wish I was him? When I know that you close your fucking eyes just to picture him fucking you when it is actually me?”
There! I’ve spat it all out! The flesh was shaking on my bones and fingers clenched in iron fists.
I had done so much to make her feel the love she never had with Lucas, the care she never got from him, but I didn’t manage to overcome the intensity of everything he gave her, good or bad. And I was damn furious with that.
Her face was frozen, eyes not blinking and the hand holding the file started to tremble.
Her dry lips were parted and crossed over by tears that kept falling.
I have never seen a more painful look in her eyes ever before.
She walked closer to where I was standing, her beautiful face now throwing fire, burning holes in my own.
“I have been honest with you from the beginning, Enzo. You knew! I didn’t hide it. Lucas and I can never be apart!” were her last words before she twisted on the balls of her heels and left my office.
“Becks!” I tried to stop her, but she never turned around. Instead, she ran up on the stairs and my legs started running after her as if they had a mind of their own.
She slammed the door closed in my face before I reached her but fucking shit, there was no door standing between me and her.
I opened the door and pushed it to the wall while she startled and turned towards me.
I was boiling with rage and I was not ready to give up on her so easily.
God damn fucking Lucas!
Thousands of miles away or even dead had still so much power over her.
I walked fast closing the distance between us and I saw her frightened face as she stepped back a few times until the back of her thighs hit the edge of the bed.
Her forest green eyes were filled with fear and hate at the same time, something that didn’t sit well with me, neither of the two.
The anger inside of me made me ignore any fear or hurt she felt.
I felt like burning in the flames of hell and her sensuality tenth folded in my eyes. I found her so fucking sexy and simply good to devour.
“Enzo, what are you doing...?” her voice trembled but I ignored it.
Her plump and fleshy lips were now more luring than ever, and her glimmering skin became the liquid of my thirst.
“You can’t leave... ” I tell her, struggling to sound calm, but I am sure I look like a lion facing his prey.
I knew this was exactly the next thing she would do. This is why I never told her about the divorce papers.
They were a prove that Lucas was alive, and I knew she would leave the moment she found out.
“Lucas being alive has nothing to do with me leaving. I leave because you’ve lied to me, because you thought I was so weak that I wouldn’t be capable to make a difference between you and Lucas. You didn’t trust me enough to give me the free will of choice,” she said and there was so much pain in her eyes and so much truth in her words that made me hate myself.
The more I think of her words, deeper the anger grows in me but not with her, with myself.
I realize that yes, the motherfucker Lucas is better than me.
Although he was very well and fine and he knew where she was he never came to claim her.
He respected her decision of leaving and he knew she would come back one day, just like I knew she would leave and never come back to me after this.
I stare into her eyes and I try lifting a hand, praying she will not push me away, which she hasn’t.
I cupped both sides of her face with my palms, intertwining my finger to the back of her neck, stroking her nape lightly.
Her face was the brightest light to my heart, and it shrank at the thought of not seeing it again.
I bend over her face and capture her lips in a soft and tender kiss and there was everything in it except carnal lust like all the times we had sex.
I have put in that kiss the biggest chunk of love I had for her, leaving aside the need for sex which I knew was the only thing for which she would let me in her bed.
She had to know I loved her and yes, I found the most pathetic time to show it but if it was to be the last moment together, I had to make sure she knew my feelings entirely.
To my surprise and delight my kiss went deeper as she allowed me wonder sweetly in her mouth and moans escaped her throat while I pushed her and laid her gently on her back on the soft mattress of the bed and since she didn’t reject me, I continued to love her body with my shaking sweaty palms, sliding from her knee along the hips and to the navel where I slipped it under her dress which was now gathered around her waist.
My lips lowered from her swollen lips to the nook of her neck and the soft skin of her shoulders, kissing and nibbling the flesh, leaving behind wet traces and goosebumps.
“Oh, Enzo... ” she whispers throwing her head on the back and arching her body pushing up her bouncy breasts which I bite with my teeth through the sheer fabric of her dress.
Gently her hands grab the sides of my face and I find myself lifted up to level of her eyes, her beautiful tearing green gems on her gorgeous face, lightened by a bring smile.
“Enzo, I never meant to hurt you nor to make you feel I took advantage of you. I am sorry I’ve hurt you so much,” she said, and that while tears never stopping pouring out of her eyes.
She was fucking crying for hurting me and for not loving me back the way I did, and right there and then I felt the need to punish her, strong, hard, deep as if there was no tomorrow.
She deserved the hardest punishment that I knew I was good at, and the sweetest love a man can ever give, which only Lucas could do and that made me only throw up.
A deep groan escaped from the depth of my throat and I ripped her panties off in one strong move before I removed my pants and boxers.
She grabbed the collar of my shirt and ripped off its buttons that flew around us and I take over, removing it tossing it somewhere on the floor. She spreads her thighs to welcome me while I grab the back of her neck with one hand and with the other I wipe her tears in strokes barely touching the skin of her face.
With the tip of my shaft placed between her burning folds thrust her deep with no mercy, just like the Don in me knew to do it. Her burning eyes frowned and a sharp yelp escaped from the depth of her throat when I stretched her muscles along my manhood, never breaking eyes contact. I let myself captive inside of her, pushed deep and staying still to let her adjust with me and the more I waited, softer in my haste I would grow, lusting for her and wishing to love her rather than fuck her.
“Kiss me...” she whispered and I did, molding my lips on hers and tasting the sweetness of her lips, circling my tongue inside her mouth and gently grabbing her left breast.
I move back and forth inside her, slow and feeling every inch of her muscles, feasting myself from her heat and peppering kisses on her face and neck, bending to her breasts which I released from the cage of her dress.
I didn’t rush but I kept my pace, in and out, until her sobs became moans of pleasure and her thighs moved in the same rhythm with mine.
I was sure she would rejected me but she never did. And more obedient she was, harder I felt to punish her for giving in again so easily.
God, she was gorgeous, spent and spread all over that bed, under me.
I left her cores in one swift move and flipped her on her belly raising her butt to the perfect height for my length to take her again.
I curled my fingers around her neck, pushing her deep and slow on my shaft while my hand on her neck was soaked in her tears again.
“Fuck it, Becks. Not again.” I hissed in her ear and sobbed some more.
“I am so sorry... I am so sorry, Enzo...” she was whispering and crying, but she never stopped me, she never rejected me which made me pushed harder and painfully.
“Fuck, Becks... ask me to stop,” I shouted at her and she shook her head, refusing. “Becks, fuck... ask me to stop...” I said one more time, but I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted her. The flesh on my bones was burning with desire for her but I had to stop hurting her.
Her submissive state was driving me crazy and I was going to only hurt her more.
I pulled myself out, rolling her on her back and lifting her in a strong hug, almost knocking the air out of her lungs.
I sat on the bed and placed her in my lap, rocking her body front and back, peppering kisses on her face, nose, forehead and her teary eyes, my flesh shaking with rage and disgust towards myself.
She jerked in my arms in an excruciating cry, mumbling still apologies to me.
What on Earth was she feeling so guilty of when I was the one that kept hurting her?
I swallowed her cries with my kisses and held her tight, whispering soothing words in her ear, cupping her face in my palms and pressing my forehead in hers.
Neither Lucas or I have ever been enough for Becks, none of us deserved the amount of love she could give, in different forms, and none of us was good enough for her sacrifices.
“Becks, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for being so selfish, for wanting to keep you in this bubble where I could have you only for myself. I was the one that didn’t know how to love you and cherish you,” I told her, pressing her face on my chest trying to defeat her cries which were breaking my heart.
I held her in my arms and peppered kisses anywhere and everywhere I could reach for as long as she needed to take out all her suffering.
At some point I leaned against the headboard of the bed and enjoyed the weight of Becks’ body on my chest. She stopped her cries a while ago, just laying on my chest now, blowing her hot breath on my skin and rubbing her palm along my hips.
We were both as naked as the day we were born in and the heat of our skin merged making us feel like one.
She moves up slowly, facing me and straddling my waist, bending over and catching my lips in a kiss.
“Enzo, am I being very selfish if I want you right now?” she asks and that made a smile bloom on my lips against hers.
The innocence of this woman is unbelievable.
I grabbed her head with my hands and deepened our mouths in a passionate, wet kiss.
“I thought you would never ask,” I replied and rolling her on her back I placed myself on top, decided to slowly and tenderly worship every inch of her body, loving her and filling her up, as it was very possible to be our last time.
We made love all night until Becks fell asleep almost immediately after her third climax.
I laid there for another hour not before I cleaner her up with a warm wet towel to let her sleep comfortable. I held her in my arms, feeling her and inhaling her scent until I felt full and then, in the early morning I moved to my room.
I didn’t want her to feel pressured on taking her decision, I had to be strong and give her space and the right to choose her future by herself.
"What's for you won't pass you by.