Chapter 5 - The island [Republished]
I walked towards the bathroom after crawling down from the bed and did my best to keep myself awake.
It didn’t take me long to wash up. So, I stayed longer in the soothing water of the bathtub that Lucas prepared for me before getting down with our luggage and take them to the car.
We were supposed to be on the flight in two hours. It felt like having all the time in the world. I had no intentions of fancy dressing or putting on make-up. So, I tried to relax in the salty scent of the bath.
My head was still dizzy with the pills I took, and I wished nothing else but to sleep.
But I had to get ready. Damn Lucas!
I was slipping on my flat shoes when he came in and stopped in the doorway, one hand gripping the doorknob, his eyes glued to me.
There was something sparkling in his blue, beautiful eyes, staring at me, making me feel shy and cheeks burning.
“What?” I asked, hoping the tension between us would disperse once one of us breaks the spell.
“Um... the car... is waiting...” he mumbled, running one hand through his hair and trying to rip his eyes from me.
“Alright, I will be down in five, Lucas,” I replied and swore to myself that I won’t be a second later than that.
When I saw him standing there, in the frame of my bedroom door, like struck my lightening and staring at me, an excitement bloomed in my chest.
It is for the first time in the past years when we travel together. We almost look a normal couple. Almost.
He kept his eyes on me for a few moments more and walked in slow steps towards me, one hand curling around my waist, pulling me closer, pressing his forehead on mine while I shift my head away.
“Don’t... be late, Becca,” he whispered but I kept silent and cold, waiting him to leave the room.
Which he did, with no other words while I exhaled with a shaky breath, wiping my sweaty palms on the fabric of the dress I was wearing, fighting back the tears threatening to form.
I left the house and got in the car where Lucas was waiting for me, sitting in the back while our driver closed the door once I was in.
The drive to the airport was in complete silence, hiding my face from Lucas’ eyes and glaring out on the window, fighting the tension between us.
I knew he was staring. He wanted to talk. His straight face, conflicting with his soft eyes always looking for mine, betrayed him. But I was not ready for a talk. I was still floating in confusion because of the sleeping pills. And, no! I couldn’t take in yet the sudden change in Lucas.
Once in the flight, Lucas and I sat across each other in his private jet, giving him a clearer view of me and making it even harder for me to avoid him.
I kept my look away, just as I did all the way to the airport or while waiting to take off.
And he kept staring, fixing his eyes on me, like there was something he wanted to say but didn’t find the words or courage.
Closing my eyes and leaning my head on my left side, I felt my hands squeezed lightly, making me jerked with a sob and snap my eyes opened.
Lucas’ face is inches from mine and his are curled up in a small smile.
“Becca, you need to eat something before you sleep. You’ve barely touched any food today,” he whispered.
His fingers curled tighter around my hand, spreading heat in all the corners of my being.
“I am not hungry, Lucas,” I mumble, staring at him like I have seen some kind of ghost.
“Please, Becca,” he begged.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, Lucas? I am not hungry. I said I am not hung...” I tried to fight him but he swallows my words with a kiss.
His lips crashed on mine in what seemed to be the softest and warmest kiss I ever had. I took that in with all my being, sobbing already, lifting my hands in the air in an attempt to feel his beautiful face in my palms but ending up only by holding them straight, shaking.
While he was feasting himself from my lips, Lucas took my hands in his, placing them on his face and I continued diving into that bliss like it was the last straw to catch and save my life.
He breaks the kiss first and stares back at me.
“Now eat, Becca,” he said as if his kiss was supposed to remind me who was in control.
And I did.
With tears rolling down my cheeks, choked with my cries and being very aware of how much I missed him and hated him, I chewed and gulped the food to the last piece, filling up my empty stomach.
And later I fell asleep, still crying.
Somehow, I longed to be on the island. I loved the island house.
It was where Lucas took me for our first trip and where we had our honeymoon.
It could not be compared with any other houses he owned, in terms of space and luxury. But it was small and homey. It was where I felt most comfortable.
It was homey and it had the memories of our good times and love we shared.
He opened the front door for me and we both walked into the house. He followed me in the living while the driver took our luggage up in the bedrooms.
I could already sense a smile on my face and tensed muscles relaxing, sniffing the salty air.
There was a cool breeze coming from outside and I let it brush my face, swinging my hair while I was walking towards the sliding doors, opening to the patio.
I hear Lucas’ steps behind me, bringing him closer, but I don’t turn around. I’m trying to keep myself distant, away from him, at least mentally.
I continued glaring at the ocean, taking in its vast beauty in which I wanted so much to get lost.
“I’ve always liked it in here,” I say with some sort of nostalgia.
I don’t even know why I said it. He wouldn’t care, anyway.
I guess he’s brought me here knowing I’ve liked it and it will do me some good after the last events.
And again, I wondered why he would care. Or maybe it was just pity. I hate pity.
“I know. Therefore, I’ve brought us here.”
“Us? Are you staying?”
“For the next two weeks, yes. I am.”
I turn around and watch him, my eyes locked with his, none of us breaking the eyes contact as we both fight for dominance.
I don’t give a fuck anymore about what it may come. I refuse to fear him, so let it come to what it may.
“Why my father would come here? Or my brother?” I asked boldly.
“Unnecessary for you to know. I will make sure they don’t come a mile close to this house,” he replied, rather bothered. His eyes darkened and he seemed worried, trying to avoid a straightforward answer which I knew so well it was there.
By now, I can see fury building up in him.
I should feel scared and run or shut the fuck up like a fucking scared rabbit I have always been.
But not today.
“Why will you make sure they don’t come a mile close to this house?”
Lucas sighs, shaking his head.
“Becca, don’t fucking start.”
“Don’t fucking start with what, Lucas?”
I am annoying. I know. I want him to either shoot me or leave me.
In a blink I find him inches from my nose, one hand curled around my neck, squeezing the air out of me, but I don’t fret. Not even blink.
“Don’t fucking walk on my toes, Becca. I am tensed and not quite in my right mind and I am afraid I will snap your neck if you push me far enough,” his voice is low and deep, and his beautiful blue eyes throw fire.
“Snap it!” I dare him with a smirk, and I see storms growing in his eyes, eyebrows frown and jaws clenched, and I skip a heartbeat.
My throat is dry, and I can’t get enough air in my lungs but soon enough that was replaced with awe of his next move.
He grabs my face in his powerful hands and crashes his lips on mine in a hard, vigorous kiss.
I melted right there and then.
This was not a punishment. This was lust, longing and passion and I moaned as my knees felt weak and my legs almost giving in.
He pulls me away from him a few inches, staring at me.
“Don’t you ever... ever... ask me that or anybody else again. Don’t you ever wish for your fucking death and don’t you ever do what you did three days ago, or I will never forgive you. It’s what I’ve been fighting against all these years, your death. I can’t even bear the thought. Do you understand me?” he said with a voice gradually raising to the state of shouting.
I stopped breathing at his words, at the determination in his voice and I tried to blurb something.
“Do you fucking understand?!” he yells at me, not losing the grip of my head. “I cannot lose you!”
“Yes...” I hardly mouthed him back.
“Good. Now be a good girl. Go upstairs and unpack. Change your clothes and get ready for dinner. We will eat in an hour.”
With trembling legs, I went upstairs to the guest’s room which I presumed would be my bedroom but didn’t find my bags in there although I clearly saw the driver bringing them up. I rush towards the main bedroom being my first guess and there I find our both bags.
I run downstairs and go directly to Lucas. He is typing on his phone and doesn’t lift his eyes to me, being too concentrated on this phone.
“I am not sleeping in the same fucking bed with you!” I speak.
“Why?” he asks, continuing his typing.
“Because I don’t want to breathe the same air with you!”
What the fuck?! Is he paying me back?
Getting no answer, he lifts his eyes to me.
“We are husband and wife, Becca. Why shouldn’t we sleep in the same bed?” he says, tilting his head on one side and glaring at me with curious eyes.
“I have been your playing sex-toy for too long, Lucas. I find it difficult to feel like your wife now.”
My voice is fading.
I am shaking and I feel a panic attack building up.
My breath speeds up, although I feel no air coming in. I feel to throw up, but I can’t control my fucking breathing.
My legs feel like water, and it’s harder and harder to stand.
Before I hit the ground two arms grab me and crash me into a brick chest while his blue worried eyes are all I see and his voice is all I hear, far away, murmuring.
“Breathe Becca... breathe, baby... goddamnit! Becca, look at me! Let’s breathe together, baby.”
Darkness engulfs me.
Those damn pills have weakened her, and she refuses to eat like a spoiled brat she is.
I woke her up, but I had to carry her to the bedroom as she couldn’t stand on her feet or keep her eyes opened.
Her body is smaller than I ever remember, she weighs nothing.
She has been sleeping for the past four hours, wrapped in my arms.
It was my heaven.
I feel her stirring in her sleep and she moans, eyebrows frowning, eyes still closed and lips pressing against each other in a thin line.
I lay a soft kiss on her temple and wait for her to open her eyes.
This time I will be here when she comes around.
Her sleepy green eyes open and I feel her body stiffening when she realizes she is not alone, when her look lands on me.
“Lucas...” she whispered my name like I was the last person she expected to find.
“I’m here, baby,” I assure her and this time, every bit of mother fucker Lucas was pushed away, swearing to myself that I would never be that Lucas again.
Time to take back my woman.
“Why are you here, Lucas?”
I noticed she didn’t move; her body was tensed again and shivering.
What have I done to the woman I love?
“We need to have a little talk,” I say, and she sharply inhales.
I bend my head to kiss her forehead and eyes, but she jerks in fear before I reach her lips.
Fuck the little talk, I want to make love to my wife.
“Hey, hey... calm down. I will not hurt you,” I whispered, struggling to keep my voice soft, to calm her down. But it only came out in a hoarse tone. I had been turned on like shit holding her for four hours. “Come here,” I tell her and roll her over on top of me and she lies on top of me, with her legs curled on each of my hips.
Her look is lowered, and she still shivers.
“Becca, look at me,” she didn’t so I had to repeat. “Look at me,” I said again, cupping her cheeks with my palms and lifting her head.
When she finally moves her green eyes to look at me, my heart beats in a mad race, and I feel to ravish those lips that I’ve missed so much.
“I am really sorry, baby,” I tell her.
“What...?” she frowns in disbelieve at my words.
“There are things you need to know. I will tell you everything at the proper time. But for now, you need to listen to me, and trust me, baby.”
“Trust you? Listen Lucas, if this a game of yours to make me change my mind about... ”
“I will give you the divorce.”
The hell I will!
I need her trust back so she will cooperate.
There will be no fucking divorce.
“No, you’re playing with me, Lucas. Haven’t you had enough? What more do you want? How long does it take you to have enough of me?”
′Never!′ I wanted to shout.
She gets off the bed and runs out of the bedroom.
The guest’s room door shuts with a bang.
If only I could blame her, but I can’t. I have been such an idiot for the past two years.
As I get closer to her room, I hear her sobs through the closed door.
“Becca, please listen to me. Open the door. Let me talk. Becca, we have little time,” I begged her but didn’t push.
I lean my forehead against the door.
I could have easily broken the door and get in. But somehow, I felt it was better this way.
If I would not come back in two days, she wouldn’t suffer. It’s better that she hates me.
So, I have to hold myself and let her be for tonight.
“I love you, Becca,” I whispered, and I wished so much I could tell her that while being buried deep inside her cores.
"... and some memories never die."