Fields of Clover

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Chapter ELEVEN

Patrick O’connor

She looks up at me with glowing gilded eyes that shine in the ethereal light that filtersthrough from the living room..

The same eyes I'd been picturing while freezing my ass off standing outside on the street - eyes that had been filled with pain and confusion when I had refused her kiss..

A refusal which I had immediately regretted.

“I dont get it, Patrick, because a few hours ago I practically thew myself at you and you didn't seem to be too interested…”

My fingertips trace a feather light path up the outsides of her toned calves, up to curve around her smooth thighs and I hear her sharp surprised inhale.. “Believe me princess, my interest is not the issue..”

Her gaze drops to the growing bulge in my jeans, eyes widening as she takes in the sight..

When she speaks, her words are carefully chosen and measured.. “So these secrets of yours.. Do you think you'll ever share them with me?..”

Hell, I'm ready to share now, and since West is on board with me continuing to work this case, I have one less reason to hide..

Specter's confidentiality policy is the only real thing preventing me from enlightening her..

Well, that and my fear of her kicking my ass to the curb.. “I want to..”

Her heated hands glide over the front of my shirt, coming to rest behind my neck with her fingers interlocked..

“Patrick, I don't need you to tell me all your secrets for me to trust you... I already do..”

She draws me closer with a subtle pull and I let her, feeling almost powerless to stop It.. “You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to..”

She uses the same words I'd used on her, words that had helped her to open up.. “But when you are ready, Paddykins.. I'll be here to listen..”

Yeah.. She's that good..
If I didn't want to spill my guts before, I definitely do now..
Not only because my selfish ass wants to fuck her on this kitchen counter so hard she screams my name in extacy..
But because she deserves honesty..

I need to tell her something.. Something true.. Something I've never shared with anybody.. Not even Alpha Team.. Although, I'm sure they know already, after all surveillance and espionage is kind of their forte..

I turn around to lean beside her, my hip resting against the counter, rubbing the back of my neck I sigh and begin telling my story ..

“Me mam' was a kind, affectionate woman.. I don' remember much about ‘er, but I remember that.. Me paps' left us both before I was born, so it was jus' me n' her.. Until my seventh birthday, when he came back for me..”
I glance over to her tentatively to see her holding her breath, waiting for my next words.. “He wasn' exactly a bad guy, Yeeves, but he wasn't a very smart one either and had gotten in too deep with rebel factions of the IRA.. He ended up getting himself killed in an attempted terror attack, an IED went off prematurely, n' that was that..”

It takes a moment for her soft voice to break the tense silence.. “Oh.. God. Patrick I'm so sorry, that's terrible!..”

I give her a half smile, but I haven't even gotten to the worst part.. “I didn' know the guy, n' I was young, so at the time I didn' really understand the reality.. But, I soon learned.. Without him there looking out for me, I was immediately taken, and put into rebel trainin' to pay off his debts..
Me and a bunch of other kids.. We were put through a rigorous militant boot camp.."

I still remember the names and faces of each and every kid who didn't survive the training.. One by one, succumbing to the wounds inflicted by our leaders cruel treatments and neglect.. “The training covered everythin' from weapons handlin' to tourture endurance.. Those kids who couldn't handle it, disappeared in the night, never to be seen again.. By the time we were sixteen, we were all brainwashed.. Angry and radicalised..”

Her hands grip the edge of the counter so tightly her knuckles have turned white.. Her eyes are wide and glassy, and her mouth slightly agape as she hangs from my every word.. “How did you escape?” She whispers, reaching out to clutch my bicep now..

“Durin' a raid on one of the IRA bases, a US marine saved me, he stopped me from doing something stupid..”

I don't mention to Yevie that the marine I'm talking about, was her former boss, the late Alex Carrington.. I figure that's a story for Honey - who recently discovered Alex's secret - to share with her..

“Stupid, like what?” She whispers as though she is afraid to ask..

I bite the inside of my cheek, not wanting to say the words I have to say.. Because I hate them.. “It was a suicide mission.. I was gunna' kill myself, and take a whole bunch of innocent people with me..” She gasps and I wince at the sound..

She is the only person I've ever admitted that to.. And now that Alex is dead, she is the only person who knows my darkest secret..

“Oh.. No, Patrick..” She squeezes her eyes shut in pain, causing a few silvery tears to spill from them..

“Like I said, It was stupid of me, but I believed it was righteous.. That's what we had all been taught..” I shake my head, trying to recall the bizarre state of mind I had been in back then.. But I can't.. Now it seems like a different life, from long, long ago..

“Patrick, you were just a kid.. You can't possibly blame yourself for--”

When she speaks her voice is filled with an empathy I hadn't necessarily expected..

Relief and hope dare grow in my gut..

“No.. I don', Yevie.. Not anymore. I was given a second chance, that Marine officer saw something in me.. He brought me back here to the US.. He helped me become a citizen and to finish school.. After that I enlisted, myself..”

“In the military?” She asks..

“Yep.. Marines.. I was a sniper.. But I got out a few years ago.. Discharged with honors..”

I feel a million times better after my confession.. Even if it is only part of the story.. It feels good to finally be able to finally be telling her the truth..

“Those tattoos?..” She breathes out the words, making me grin at her admission of having seen them..

“You mean, the ones you saw while ya were watchin’ me las' night?” I tease..

Her eyebrows lift and her cheeks heat to the brightest red I've ever seen.. Its fucking Adorable..

“Oh..I.. I didn't mean to--” She stammers..

“Please don't say it was an accident.. Cus' I really don' want that to be true, princess..”

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