Life is Just Not Kind

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“So what do you think?”

I ask showing Biko the file Zonke gave me, he pages through it quietly

“this is nice”

He says pointing out a garden themed wedding

“That’s was the one I picked too, it’s simple and beautiful but still elegant in every way”

I say and he kisses my cheek

“Just like you”

He says and I poke him

“whatever. So what colours were you thinking? Because I was thinking your old boring shades of white and shades of grey”

I say, I know it’s boring but I love how shades of white and shades of grey go together

“I thought you’d want a bit of colour” He says

“I know and I do want a bit of colour but I want most of the décor to be those colours with different coloured roses on each table. I don’t want the dark grey, I want

neutral colours you know. Or maybe rose gold, that’s classy and elegant”

He chuckles


I ask and he shakes his head

“Nothing, i’m just enjoying this sight of you”

He says, I frown still confused

“this cute frustrated and yet excited side of you my love. I love it”

He says and I can not help the blush that spreads across my face

“you annoying. Biko concentrate marn!” I say and he chuckles “fine, this looks nice”

He says after flipping the page to display the stage decorated with pink and white roses where the bride and the groom are supposed to stand

“It’s beautiful”

I say

“So we want this yes?”

He asks and I nod quickly

“Yes, this is perfect, this is where I want to say ‘I Do’”

I say and he smiles

“And what about the weather? June is pretty cold”

He reminds me

“I know which means less people are going to come but then it means I can’t quite get the garden wedding I want”

I say pouting, I never took into account the weather when we decided on the date

“The date isn’t final, we can get married officially in June and then have a wedding in September”

He suggests and I turn to him and smile


I say and he smiles nodding

“Look, we are in no rush are we?”

He asks and I shake my head no

“then lets tie the not in court and then have a wedding in September. Gives the planner enough time don’t you think?”

He says and I nod

“Sthandwa sam”

I say getting on top of him

“yes Yoza wam”

He says and I smile and wrap my arms around his neck

“Thank you for loving me as I am and for accepting me as simple and boring as I am, thank you for your patience and the love you continue to show me everyday”

I say and he kisses me without responding but his kiss alone is enough of a response because I understand. He breaks the kiss

“I love you!”

He says

“I love you so much Yonela Ngesi”




“Bandile you can’t just decide something like this over night”

She says after I have briefed her on the papers “This is more for Jay than it is about you” I say and she rolls her eyes

“Feels like you taking precaution in case something happens”

She says, I sigh

“Hlali nothing will happen to me, I just want my family always taken care of”

I say

“Why now?”

She asks and I shrug

“Maybe because I was hoping that this is the year we’ll fall pregnant with our second child”

I say and she sighs

“You make me so mad Bandile” She says and I smile

“I know and I am sorry”

I say

“I’m still angry at you for what you did” She says gritting her teeth

“I don’t doubt that”

I say

“These papers change nothing” She says and I chuckle

“I know”

I say, she sighs

“I didn’t book any appointment, I only said all of that to make you understand how it feels when you do such things Bandile. I’m not ready for a child but I would never abort our child Bandile”

She says, I pull her ontop of me

“I’m sorry for the way I went about things. I shouldn’t have tricked you like that”

I say and she laughs

“You know my grandfather once did the same to my grandmother, that’s how she fell pregnant with my mother”

She says and we both laugh

“And look how long their marriage survived”

I say and she playfully pushes me

“You’re annoying you know that”

She says and I smile

“But you love me either way Miss Mbana”

I say pulling her in for a kiss, she responds and starts grinding on me

“Sies marn”

We are disturbed in our moment by Jay, we both turn and he’s standing at the bottom of the stairs with his

hands covering his eyes. We look at each other and laugh

“What do you know about two old people kissing?”

I say as Mihlali tries to get off me

“ha.ana Bandile mahn”

She says and I chuckle

“Come here son, we’ve stopped kissing”

I say and she removes his hands from his puffy eyes, Mihlali gets off me and meets him half way picking him up

“I heard someone cried himself to sleep today”

She says as they turn coming to the couch

“Daddy left me”

He says

“And so you cried?”

I ask him and he nods

“You didn’t say anything, you just ran out”

He says pouting

“I’m sorry buddy, Aunty Lara called to say mommy was in the hospital”

I explain and he looks at his mother and places his hand on her forehead

“Are you sick?”

He asks Mihlali who giggles

“I’m better now”

She says kissing his forehead

“Are you sure?”

He asks and Mihlali nods

“I am sure, doctor said I can come home and play with you and daddy”

She says tickling him, he starts laughing and pleading for her to stop but she doesn’t stop and keeps tickling him until he’s out of breath. We all laughing at him

“Lets get mommy”

I suggest and Mihlali starts running, I put Jay on my back and we chase Mihlali around the house. He’s laughing so hard and he’s so happy right now, we catch Mihlali in the room and throw her on the bed and both start tickling her. It’s these priceless moments that I live to treasure.





I am now 3 months pregnant and it’s an amazing journey. Who knew that being pregnant and having your partner beside through it all was this nice? I was never warned but I am loving every bit of this journey and so far I haven’t had any morning sicknesses or whatsoever, just intense cravings that’s all. I’m enjoying my pregnancy and so is Bandile, maybe him more than me. We still haven’t told our families about me being pregnant, it was actually him who suggested we keep it to ourselves until I’m showing and who was I to argue? The only people that know are Lara and Yoza, maybe Biko too because who knows what happens during pillow talk with his future wife? I’m not so happy about them moving the wedding date to September because then I will be showing up in their wedding pictures with a big tummy which is just not fair! At least by then Lara would have given birth. She is 8 months now and she is due next month, she’s taken time off from work and just staying at home and stuffing herself with food, lucky her she hasn’t gained that much weight in her pregnancy.

I am woken up by my annoying ringtone, I don’t even check the screen with how tired I am right now. It’s Monday and I am hungover, my husband and I went drinking last night for no reason and it was amazing, the sex that came after. My painful vagina is evidence of how amazing last night and this morning was


I mumble in my sleepy voice, I hear sobs. I remove the phone from my ear and I see mom’s name


I whisper and she just sobs even more. I sit up, I don’t care who you are but when your mother calls you crying you will wake up same time, heck you will be sober instantly

“Mama what’s wrong? What’s going on?”

I ask afraid of what news await me. Dad is away on business

“Is it dad?”

I ask because she’s crying now

“No, it’s mom”

She says and breaks down, I can’t help the tears that roll down my cheeks

“I’m on my way mom. Did you call dad?”

I ask, not that it matters

“I couldn’t reach him”

She says in between her sobs

“I’ll be there as soon as possible just hang in there mom”

I say and then drop the call and get out of bed. I feel like a mess right now with my pounding headache and

waking up to the said passing of my grandmother. I guess it’s true what they say, with every life given a life is taken. Maybe my baby is the life given upon the passing of my grandmother. I take a very quick shower and then get out dry my body, brush my teeth and do everything then head to the room and start getting dressed

“It’s 5 am, where are you going?”

I’m startled by Bandile’s voice, I look up in the mirror and he’s standing by the door

“It’s my grandmother, she’s dead”

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