Life is Just Not Kind

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The doctor comes out of the room, Yoza is holding me as tight as she possibly can, I’d say i’m hoping for a different update than what I just witnessed with my own eyes. I stood there and watched my husband take his final breath

“Mrs Tshawe”

He starts off, I look at him

“I want to see my husband”

I say


I shake my head so that Yoza doesn’t even finish whatever she wants to say

“I want to see my husband….. please”

I plead the last part with the little voice I have and the little energy I have, the doctor sighs and nods to Yoza. She lets go of me and I follow the doctor inside the room. I look at everyone else that is here and they take that as a hint to get out. I slowly walk over to the bed his lifeless body lays on, unlike when I came in earlier his chest was heaving slowly as someone who was alive but there’s not even a sign of that this time around. His chest is not even moving anymore, just like that he’s gone. He’s left me too. I reach the table and look at his

beautiful face. My handsome husband’s face, my Chocky.

“Why would you do this to me Bandile? I thought you loved me, you promised me”

I say as tears stream down my cheeks

“You made a promise to me that you will be with me and the triplets every step of the way. I can’t do this without you”

I says with my voice cracking and words barely even coming out from my tight chest

“Why would you do this to me Bandile?”

I cry out

“I’m all alone”

I say sobbing, my knees alone feel weak and I can barely carry my own weight. The love of my life is gone, my forever is dead along with my kids

“How could you leave me now Bandile?”

I cry out holding onto the bed for balance because I don’t trust my legs to carry me. I look at his handsome face ruined by the car crash, even with scars he still looks handsome as ever. I get onto the bed and lay my head on his chest and just cry my lungs out. I think I need to hear it from his chest in order to actually believe he’s really gone. There’s no heartbeat to listen to, his hands lay on either side of his body instead of playing

with my hair, he’s none responsive to me laying on him. How I would give everything I have to hear him say “Bhabha ndiyakuthanda”.

“How could you leave me?”

I ask crying out

“Mrs Tshawe you need to return to bed”

Someone says disturbing my moment with my husband. I don’t respond

“Mrs Tshawe please, for the sake of the kids you are carrying”

She says

“What about the ones I’ve lost?”

The words just slip right out of my mouth, she doesn’t respond, I get off and kiss his parted dry lips

“I love you”

I whisper and then head towards the door where Yonela stands together with the nurse that spoke. I take a deep breath and then slowly let it out

“I want to see my babies”

I say looking at Yonela, she takes a deep breath and then lets it out

“Hlali I don’t think you want to do that”

She says, I take a deep breath and let it out


I say sternly gritting my teeth, she sighs

“Please get me Mr and Mrs Mtwa from the waiting room”

She says to one of the nurses and then turns to me “follow me”

She says and I follow her to another room, I don’t know how animals feel when they going to the slaughter house but I am certain that the way I feel right now is how they feel. I feel as though I am walking to my death, delivering myself on a silver platter. Honestly I don’t know how I am still standing. As we approach the room they are in I can feel my legs going to fail me, I know they are gone and I don’t know why I want to see them.

“Hlali Baby”

I hear my mother’s voice approaching but I don’t respond at all. I stand in front of the door with Yoza as she is about to open it

“Baby please don’t do this”

She pleads touching my shoulder

“I need to say goodbye to them”

I say and nod to Yoza, she opens the door and then I follow behind her. They are covered with sheets, I take a deep breath and then walk over to where they each lie. I know it’s them but there’s a little part of me that’s hoping it’s not them, a little part of me that’s hoping to uncover them and to find them breathing on their own. ‘Hope - is a desire of some good, accompanied with an expectation of obtaining it, or a belief that it is obtainable; an expectation of something which is thought to be desirable; confidence; pleasing expectancy’, sounds simple right? My faith hangs on this one word right now, HOPE, hope for the better, hope for life, hope for a different turn of events… some kind of miracle. I uncover the first sheet and it’s Jay all bruised and cuts around his beautiful face, I uncover Sethu and her face is as bruised as the others. I stand between their beds and move my hand to Jay’s cold hand and slowly the tears roll down my cheeks. If his cold hand is not enough evidence that his gone then I don’t know what it, I turn to look at Sethu and take her hand and there’s no response from her either. Nothing. Just a cold tiny hand not closing around my fingers, my knees fail me and I fall to the floor and just cry, I barely have a voice to let out any sound. I feel my mother’s arms circle me tightly

“Yonela get her something”

I hear my father say sternly


She starts off when I shake my head no

“please don’t sedate me”

I suddenly find my voice

“Mom don’t let them do it please”

I plead holding her hand


Dad says sternly

“It’s going to be ok Hlali, we need to do this for the babies you carrying”

Mom says in a comforting shaky voice

“Don’t do this to me please. Please don’t put me to sleep. I don’t want to go to sleep please Yonela”

I plead as my father helps mom hold me down and Yoza injects me something that knocks me out almost instantly




“We can’t use that material for such a building unless you want a lawsuit in the long run…”

I say but then I don’t finish my sentence when my phone rings,

“I’m sorry”

I apologise taking my phone out to check who’s calling. I’m in the middle of a meeting with my team

“It’s my wife, I have to take this”

I say and move away from them to answer her call. Over the years I have learnt to answer Yoza calls no matter how important the meeting because her job is stressful enough and would probably lead her to depression at some point so I’m constantly there for. Everytime she loses a patient to death she calls me straight after to cry and I’m always there to listen and to offer the little comfort I can over the phone. It’s not much but she appreciates it and that makes me happy.

“Sthandwa sam”

I answer and she sobs

“Ma’Mtwa please talk to me”

I say

“It’s Bandile and the kids”

She says and sobs even more, it takes some time to register until I remember the accident she was called about when I was there

“What’s wrong with them Yoza?”

I ask because I don’t want to think of the worst possible scenario

“They gone Rato”

She whispers with her voice barely even there. “How is Mihlali?”

I ask not that I don’t know the answer already, I’m mostly worried about the baby she is carrying

“We had her sedated, if this continues they might even put her under an induced coma for the safety of the babies”

She says


I ask

“She’s pregnant with triplets”

She says and I gasp in shock

“Her body is already under enough pressure”

She says and I let out a sad sigh

“I’ll be there as soon as I can”

I say and then we say our goodbyes. I make my way back to my team

“Guys I am sorry to end this meeting early but my sister is in hospital. We’ll discuss everything else, I’ll send you the designs and plans of how things should be”

I say while I pack my things

“We’ll keep in touch over the phone, Lethu I need you to take over in my absence”

I say and then leave. I get into my car and drive to the hospital, on my way I’m listening to the radio and they talking about an accident that happened this morning to Bandile Tshawe and his children and how they still don’t know the state of the people involved in the accident. I get to the hospital and find my parents in the reception area together with Bandile’s family. I greet everyone and sit with my parents, it’s a sad distraught atmosphere in the reception, I decide to ask about my wife from the receptionist and I’m told she’s in the office. I make my way to see her, I knock and then let myself in.


I say and she gets up and comes around to hug me tightly

“I’m sorry”

I say, I cannot imagine what she must be going through considering she is the one that was called into surgery. She’s a paediatrician and she’s the best in her job and she has come very far in her job. I just hug her tightly




“Business mogal Bandile Tshawe(35) was involved in an accident this morning while driving 2 of his kids

Lwando Junior(7) and Isiphosethu Tshawe(3) to school. We are currently waiting outside the hospital waiting to hear the nature of their condition. Mrs Tshawe was driving through the robots when a truck came out of no where and sent the car…. Chances of the Tshawe family

surviving are pretty slim but we pray that they survive a…”

The news reporter on tv reports, I switch the tv off

“No…No…Noooooo!!! Dammit!”

I say taking my phone, Bandile can’t be in hospital.


I say and then while searching for my contact’s number

“Answer the phone dammit!”

I say frustrated as the phone rings


He answers calmly


I yell

“NO! That’s the car your people sent us”

He says, I throw my phone on the wall. Bandile was not supposed to be driving Mihlali’s car, he was not supposed to take them to school. She was, she normally

drives them to school, she’s been driving them to school these past 3 months.

“What have I done”

I ask pacing around the house. I find another phone and call Daniel, we haven’t spoken in a long time and he is the only one I can trust to get me out of this situation


He answers

“Bhuti I need your help”

I say

“Sis is everything ok?”

He asks worried by my panicking voice

“I need money”

I say

“You out of prison? What do you need money for?”

He asks, I’m disturbed by a knock on the door. Part of me is worried it could be Bayanda since he’s the only one I told I was out but it can’t be him because he’s in hospital.

“Bhuti I’ll call you back in a minute or so” I say and then walk to get the door “Unathi Lucwaba”

He says, I don’t know who the hell he is. I have never seen him or maybe I have but I think I would know such a handsome face

“aren’t you going to invite me in?”

He asks calmly

“I don’t know you, why should I let you in?”

I ask and he chuckles

“Because it would be wise that you do if you know what’s good for you”

He says, he’s so calm and that only worries me. I slowly open the burglar for him and he walks into my flat

“nice place for someone who just got out of prison”

He says looking around, I slowly grab a knife from the table

“Who are you and what do you want?” I ask and he chuckles

“You’ve made the worst mistake anyone could ever make”

He says, I raise an eyebrow confused. He turns to me

“That’s cute”

He says looking at the knife in my hand

“Who are you?”

I ask

“Khaya Mnguni, ever heard of me?”

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