Life is Just Not Kind

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I watch the news and the consequences of my actions hit me harder than I ever thought they would. It wasn’t supposed to end up like this. When Mihlali left my brother was crushed, it took a while for him to move on but even then he never fully moved on because his heart was always with Mihlali. As much as I can be a jerk and the biggest asshole there is I love my brother and I would do anything and everything to return the amount of love he has shown me and protection from over the years. Yes I arranged everything with Unathi but after seeing how happy my brother was I couldn’t do it and the watch Hlali sent over was a cherry ontop, I rushed out calling Unathi to pull out of the plan but she didn’t answer my calls, I tried making peace with Mihlali because I realised that I was wrong for wanting to destroy them after everything she has done for him leading up to their wedding. I regret what I did and I have lived to regret it for as long as I can remember, Isenathi was not supposed to find out the way she did. So many times I wanted to tell her but I could never bring myself to tell her, believe it or not I have actually fallen in love with the young beautiful Mtwa twin. I never meant to hurt her like this, I never meant to hurt anyone the way I did and to learn that my niece and nephew’s lives are in danger because of my stupidness and foolishness hurts me a lot. I never meant for things to get this far.

“I hope you happy”

Bakho says walking in, his eyes are red. The look on his face reminds me of the day I learnt of my father’s passing, he was the one that broke the news to me so I can’t help thinking the worst possible scenario

“How are they Bakho?”

I ask switching the tv off

“If you weren’t already on a hospital bed I would kill you”

He says, mom storms in after him and slaps me. As if Biko didn’t do a lot damage, Biko really fucked me up hey.


I don’t even finish my sentence when she throws in another slap and then another one and another slap crying and all I can do is apologise.

“You took my son away from me for your own selfishness. My grandchildren Bayanda!”

She says in between her tears hitting me until Lukho pulls her back and turns her to her and hugs her tightly comforting her

“I hope you happy Bayanda. I will never forgive you for what you did!”

He says and walks out, judging by the way they are reacting I’m afraid it’s more than just a car accident, they gone

“Mama I’m sorry”

I say with tears rolling down my cheeks

“You killed them”

She says with sobs

“all he ever did was love you, bail you out when you messed up and this is how you go on and repay him? By killing him and his children. I never want to see you again. I c…”

She trails off struggling to breathe

“Mama breathe”

Lukho pleads

“I think she’s having a heart attack”

I say to Lukho and press a button by my bed

“Mama breathe”

She says slowly placing her on the chair, she can’t breathe. I don’t think I could ever forgive myself for this. I lost my brother, my nephew and my niece all in one day, Mihlali will never forgive me for this and now I just caused my mother a heart attack. A nurse walks in

“She’s having a heart attack. She has a heart problem”

I say as soon as she walks in, she rushes out and then comes in with a bed to place my mom in and then they rush her out. Lukho walks up to the door and turns to look at me

“you’ve really done it this time. For your sake I hope your mother and brother will be allow you to attend his funeral at least because what you did Bayanda”

She says and shakes her head no slowly then walks out. I know my brother’s and everyone may think I’m mom’s favourite son but truth is mom loves Bandile more than she ever loved any of us, growing up in the shadow of Bandile was not nice because I was always compared to him. He was always the perfect brother and the perfect son hence dad chose him to take over things when he died, yeah sure they treated us fairly and equally but we can’t deny that Bandile was a fave and no that’s not the reason I did what I did, my intentions were good but my actions on the other hand weren’t and they cost me my brother and his children. Mihlali must be crushed, she I have no doubt would never forgive me.

“Are you happy with the consequences of your actions?”

I look up and Isenathi is walking into my room, her eyes are puffy. I shake my head no

“I messed up, I hate myself enough”

I say and she chuckles bitterly walking up to me

“Was this your plan huh? To kill him and his children?”

She asks and I shake my head no

“Ise i…”

She shakes her head no

“I hope you happy. I hate you Bayanda Tshawe and I curse the day I ever met you. I never want to see you again Bayanda, lose my number and everything that has to do with me”




“W-what are you doing here? What do you want from me?”

I ask suddenly stuttering

“usually people come out of prison changed people but for some reason you just had to go after Mihlali and her family”

He says with his arms folded “Her father ruined me” I say and he chuckles

“did you hear yourself? HER FATHER, not her, not her husband, not her kids but her FATHER”

He says

“I could kill you now and get rid of your body easily but I won’t, I won’t steal that from Mihlali”

He says and I won’t lie his cold look, his voice sends chills down my spine in the wrong scary way

“She took Bandile away from me” I say and he chuckles dryly

“He was never yours to begin with. If anything you took him away from her and you are going to pay”

He says

“I just wanted to meet you in person first and you pretty cute”

He says dryly

“get dressed and lets go”

He says

“I’m not going anywhere with you”

I say sternly but deep down I am terrified. I have heard all kinds of stories about this man standing in my apartment right now and none of them are pleasant. I don’t even understand why he’s touched over this, if anything I did him a favour even though I lost my Bandile in the process. He was not supposed to be driving her car. Mihlali has everything I have only ever wished for, I’ll admit when I first met her I didn’t know she was the daughter of Lunga until Bayanda approached

me when she and Bandile got engaged. Bayanda came to me and told me that she was the daughter of Lunga and that he had information and would help me get Bandile back. Growing up I was diagnosed with Bipolar, it was bad when I was little and I couldn’t handle it so I was sent into therapy. He who was supposed to help me get the help and treatment I needed only took advantage of me, he took advantage of my situation. I lost my virginity through rape and I was never the same again. Bandile came into my life and changed me for the better until he stopped focusing on me and focusing on work more. Anyone who has ever been in a relationship with Bandile will tell you just how amazing of a lover he was so of cause I wanted him back. After the deal I made with Baya I had hoped that Bandile would feel sorry for me and I wouldn’t go to prison for it but Bayanda screwed me over really bad in the last minute, he suddenly wanted out of our plan but it was already in motion. I leaked the video and the papers at the same time only for Mihlali to shed a few tears in front of the media and answer a couple of questions gaining sympathy instead of the embarrassment. Somehow she manages to get away with things. So yes I hated her enough to want to kill her. According to our research she was supposed to be driving the kids to school but instead it was Bandile. I killed the man I love and I could never forgive myself for it.

This Khaya guy follows me to the room, I take sweatpants and wear them together with a t-shirt with

him watching me intently with nothing but a cold look. I wonder what Mihlali did to get his attention because he doesn’t look like the kind of man who would go soft for any one right now. I finish getting dressed and then he leads me out of my place. He doesn’t answer anything I ask him. We get into his car and he drives off

“Try anything stupid and I won’t hesitate to kill your last remaining family”

He says, I don’t doubt his words one single bit because from what I have heard he is capable. He drives quietly and comes to a stop in what looks like an abandoned warehouse. He gets out and then comes around my side

“Keep her somewhere”

He says to someone who pushes me forward without saying anything.

“Get in”

he says, it’s a small room with glass windows which you can’t see anything from inside but I am sure the people outside can see what happens inside

“Is he going to kill me?”

I ask and he shrugs then walks out. I sit down on the mattress and bury my face in knees and grieve the death of Bandile Tshawe. I really fucked up, now we both lost him and there’s no chance of me ever seeing him again.





I’m laying on his chest listening to his heartbeat, we are so peaceful and his hand is drawing meaningless things on my arm slowly up and down


I say

“Ndiyakuthanda kodwa Mam’Tshawe” (I love you Mrs Tshawe)

He says and I smile and his kiss chest

“Ndiyakuthanda nam Tatu’Tshawe” (I love you too Mr Tshawe)

I say and he chuckles

“I’m sorry”

Kissing the top of my head


I ask, he doesn’t respond, I hear him sob and I try to get off his chest but he wraps his other arm around me

“Chocky you scaring”

I say, I don’t think I could ever get used to him crying. The last time I ever had him or rather witnessed him in the state he is in right now was when he was battling

ptsd after the plane accident. His heart is beating abnormally fast and it worries

“I am so sorry Bhabha”

He says sobbing, I can’t help but cry

“It’s ok”

I say

“It’s ok Chocky”

I say and he kisses my head countless times

“It’s not ok, I took our kids away from you. I left you when you needed me the most Hlali, I could never forgive myself for that. I could never forgive myself for the pain I’ve caused you. If I could undo everything I swear I would, I didn’t mean to put you in this situation Bhabha I swear. I didn’t mean to leave you alone with our babies”

He says brushing my hair while his other hand brushes my arm

“I’m sorry Bhabha”

He says

“Bandile what are you talking about?”

I ask trying to force his hands off me

“Our kids are in their rooms, they sleeping”

I say

“They going to knock on that door any minutes now”

I say with a chuckle at the thought of Sethu and Jay walking into our room when we lay peacefully like this. How Ise would get on the bed and lay beside Bandile on his chest like me, even go as far as taking his arm and putting around her neck as he does to me right now and then Jay lays behind me plays a game on his tab just as long as he is on the bed with us he’s fine. Ever since Sethu came into our lives Jay stepped up and played big brother, very understanding when we gave Sethu more attention than we gave him but we never not once made him feel unloved or neglected.

He chuckles


He says with a sad sigh

“Lets enjoy this moment before they walk in and your spoilt entitled daughter takes her place beside you”

I say and he chuckles

“I love you Mihlalikazi Siphiwokuhle Tshawe”

He says, I look up at him

“I love you too”

I say and he kisses my forehead

“I will always love you Mihlalikazi”

He says and I believe him because he sounds so sure, he sounds so convincing and promising to his word

“I have to go”

He says

“Go where?”

I ask sitting up, he doesn’t respond but instead he gets up off the bed

“I love you ok Mrs Tshawe, don’t you ever forget it” He says and then I notice the scars on his face “Bandile your face? Your body. What happened?” I ask sliding out of the blankets and walk to him “Mihlali you have blood”

He says and I look at myself, there’s blood on my t-shirt. I suddenly feel this excruciating cramp on the lower part of my stomach

“Bandile it hurts”

I cry out crouching down clutching my tummy

“Mihlali you have to fight for our babies. You need to be strong for them”

He says crouching beside me

“It hurts Bandile”

I cry out, the pain is unbearable, I hear machines go off like crazy

“Mrs Tshawe please, I need you to fight for your babies”

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