EVADING EMOTIONS

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CHAPTER TEN

Mia

Nick and I are back at New York and I was glad that Nick hadn’t even mentioned what went down on my mother’s funeral day. Not like he had any questions about the situation because everything was clearly laid on the table. In some way I was glad, in another I was worried he would think my family and I were pathetic. Exiting John F. Kennedy International Airport instantly calmed my nerves and I could breathe normally again. This busy city that is now my home was anything but quiet and slow-paced, yet I belonged here. I wasn’t Mia who was rejected because her mother couldn’t keep her hands to herself. I wasn’t the Mia who had regretted aborting her baby. I was the person I wanted to be: carefree, loving my career and avoiding love and all the shit it comes with – except currently I’m not doing too well on the last one.

Nick walked me to his car and helped me haul my luggage in his boot. On the drive home, I noticed that he missed the turn that led to my apartment as he made way to his. “You missed my turn.”, I state. “Yup.”, he says nonchalantly. And that was basically the entire conversation on our trip. I should have insisted that he turn around and take me home. But there was only one place I wanted to be – in Nick’s arms - especially after such a shitty week. So I let him lead and I followed blindly.

Nick

Having Mia in my apartment after so long felt so right. It’s been three days since she has been here and neither of us was in a hurry for her to leave. My heart went out to her and I loved her much more than I even thought possible after witnessing the scars hidden within. She was so strong to endure everything and still walk around with a smile, making everyone’s day with her wit and snarky comments. She is intelligent, beautiful, caring and she deserves love even if she intentionally avoided it. My intention of making her fall in love with me resumed and this time I refuse to be friends with benefits. We both don’t deserve that. If she doesn’t agree, well I would still be her friend and I will still love her and hope that one day she would come around.

I watched her on my computer monitor as the CCTV camera focused on her. She twirled a strand of her hair as she read a manuscript, biting her tongue and smiling at some parts while flushing at some others and I wondered what the hell she was reading. It couldn’t be more mesmerizing than her. I dialled her extension and called her to my office. She entered and shut the door behind her, then contemplated and swung it open again. My smile escaped and she flushed a deep crimson. “You wanted to see me?”, she asks, taking a seat in the chair in front of me. She glances at the monitor that was placed in an angle which allowed her to view the CCTV footage. She smirks and looks at me questioningly. “What were you reading?” I ask, genuinely intrigued. “She-Devil.” My smile broadens. “Isn’t that the newest erotic submission?” She nods. “You looked rather flush when you were reading it. I’m guessing it was that good?”, I tease. “Yeah it is.”, she says, not elaborating. “Alright.I’ll look into getting it published.” “But you haven’t read it yet.”, she says, shocked. “I trust you.”, I say and I mean it. “So you’re spying on me now? Guess I have to resort to doing drugs in the ladies restroom now onwards.” she jokes . “I can’t help myself. You’re absolutely beautiful.” I say and she blushes as she tucks her hair behind her ear. “Mia. There is something I need to discuss with you and before you freak out, just think it through.” I say and she looks at me with wide eyes. “You’re already freaking out Mia.” I sigh in exasperation. “Of course. When people say ‘don’t freak out’, it basically means that the other person will freak out. Just tell me so I can pretend not to freak out.”. “You’re bad at pretending.” I joke to ease the tension. “Just spit it out Nick.” she scolds as her impatience wears out and I just want to grab her by the chin and shove my tongue in delicious mouth, and maybe if this goes well, somewhere a little sweeter. “I want to date you.” I say as I roll a solid white paper weight between my fingers. “What? Why?”, she asks, and I could tell she was freaking out. I take in a deep breath as I gather the courage to finally tell her my feelings. It’s now or never and I wanted things to change so I had to make the first step. “Mia, I’m in love with you.”, I say and peek at her astonished expression. “I’ve felt this way for a while now, and it’s not because we had been sleeping together. I’ve loved you from the moment we became friends.” Her mouth hangs open now. “We tried being friends, we tried being friends with benefits and even though both were amazing, I want to try being in a serious relationship with you.” I say, releasing breath as I waited nervously for the storm to hit. I gave her a few minutes for my words to sink in. “You know I don’t do serious relationships.” she says, sitting up a little straighter. “I know. And after what happened to you in the past, it’s understandable. Her cool demeanour slips and she flinches as she slouches in her seat. I hated bringing her past up but she has to move on. “Look Mia, You shouldn’t give up on love. What you went through was hard and messed up. No one is asking you to forget it, but you deserve love and I want to be the one loving you. Let me love you.” I say, half pleading. “I can’t.’ she says, tears welling in her eyes and I want to punch myself. “You won’t know until you try.” I say. Anger suddenly coursed through her as I watched her expression change. “I did try Nick, and as you have seen and heard, it didn’t work out well.” “So that means, you’re going to sleep around your entire life. Don’t you want to grow old with someone? To have kids one day?” I say and instantly regret it. “Of course I do.”, she nearly shouts as she slams her fists on my desk. “But I had that, I had love and I had an unborn child that was taken away from me. I cannot go through that again!” she seethes, sobbing openly. I rise from my chair to close my office door and see many of the staffs’ heads turned in my direction. Fuck them. “I’m sorry Mia.” I kneel in front of her as I hold her hand and thankfully she doesn’t pull away. “I’m not Tom. I truly love you. I want you so bad every time I see you. You are the half of me I can’t bear to lose. I want you in every way I can have you. Please, for my sake. Can we at least try?” I plead. I have never begged anyone before but this beautiful woman in front of me can make me do anything as long as I could have her. “If we try and I can’t love you, what happens then?” she asks and I sense her fear of losing the person who actually cares for her. “I don’t know. All I know is that I can’t handle being your friend anymore. I can’t handle seeing you with someone else while wishing you were mine. If you can’t love me, it would be okay, I’d still love you no matter what or who comes into my life thereafter.” Mia face softens as she takes in my words. I see the indecision in her eyes and I silently pray that she gives us a chance. After a few minutes, which felt like an eon had passed, she whispers: “Okay.” I can’t believe that she actually agreed and I grab her, lifting her in the air as I kiss her feverishly, taking everything I needed so badly from her. She returns the kiss with the same passion until we were naked on the carpeted floor, making love in the roughest manner we both had yet to experience and I vowed that I would make her the happiest woman alive.

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